3/31/2004
Air America LAUNCHES!!!!
We're now 1:37 minutes into the launch of LIBERAL TALK RADIO . I have not tuned in yet, mainly because I listen to NO radio in the daytime, or ever if I can get away with it. The people on the right OR left, who live and die by talk radio are fucking crackpots. I just read blogs. All goddamn day.
I did, however, go to the AIR AMERICA launch party at the claustrophobic clusterfuck/faux-high-school-gym that is the ballroom ofMaritime Hotel last night.
SCORECARD
Sweet, friendly, beautfiul publicist who waved me in: 10.
Apps (mini pigs in a blanket, shrimp, burgers, cups o' fries): 10.
Franken's speech: 10.
Crowd: -3.
Really, if the liberals hate the Republicans, why the fuck do they insist on dressing like them? (& don't interrupt me with some "beat them at their own game, dude," jibberish). The place was full of suits and ties and black dresses. The invite said, "business swanky." Ouch. Sure, there were a few earth-tone, "I own cats," types of folks there, but the overwhelming majority of guests looked like moneyed pricks who are overly confident that their humor is the best, and have created card catalogs for the best jokes and Monty Python scripts they own.
Their "hissing" when the word Bush was uttered was a little too dramatic for me. As was the head-bowing & "amen"ing when Wellstone's name was mentioned. And I know that it is fun for liberals to quote the Guardian and stuff, but I don't need a British chick telling me why America sucks for three hours. (They've got two of them going on the air). I already know why my country is balls-deep into Loseritis.
Still, I will root for them. Why? The current administration is a fraud. I will cheer for the dolts and the underdogs any time.
I did, however, go to the AIR AMERICA launch party at the claustrophobic clusterfuck/faux-high-school-gym that is the ballroom ofMaritime Hotel last night.
SCORECARD
Sweet, friendly, beautfiul publicist who waved me in: 10.
Apps (mini pigs in a blanket, shrimp, burgers, cups o' fries): 10.
Franken's speech: 10.
Crowd: -3.
Really, if the liberals hate the Republicans, why the fuck do they insist on dressing like them? (& don't interrupt me with some "beat them at their own game, dude," jibberish). The place was full of suits and ties and black dresses. The invite said, "business swanky." Ouch. Sure, there were a few earth-tone, "I own cats," types of folks there, but the overwhelming majority of guests looked like moneyed pricks who are overly confident that their humor is the best, and have created card catalogs for the best jokes and Monty Python scripts they own.
Their "hissing" when the word Bush was uttered was a little too dramatic for me. As was the head-bowing & "amen"ing when Wellstone's name was mentioned. And I know that it is fun for liberals to quote the Guardian and stuff, but I don't need a British chick telling me why America sucks for three hours. (They've got two of them going on the air). I already know why my country is balls-deep into Loseritis.
Still, I will root for them. Why? The current administration is a fraud. I will cheer for the dolts and the underdogs any time.
3/30/2004
Ricoh on Yankee pinstripes
Made them look like their Columbus, OH kin.
Their fans are taking it pretty hard, too.
Explanation mid-way down
fan squabbles
What I really wanna know is if George Steinbrenner got himself a little "Lost in Translation" at the hotel bar over there? Maybe he and Brittany Murphy or someone bonded over a Suntory and a Starland Vocal Band cover act, then lolled around on an expensive comforter? Probably not. I'm thinking he wears some sort of travel girdle on international trips. All the altitude and time-zone changing plays havoc with his innards, not to mention the heavy wads of yen tucked into his pockets for selling out the MOTHERFUCKING PINSTRIPES!!!!!!!!! Up until this trip, they were as pure as the driven snow. You know it.
Their fans are taking it pretty hard, too.
Explanation mid-way down
fan squabbles
What I really wanna know is if George Steinbrenner got himself a little "Lost in Translation" at the hotel bar over there? Maybe he and Brittany Murphy or someone bonded over a Suntory and a Starland Vocal Band cover act, then lolled around on an expensive comforter? Probably not. I'm thinking he wears some sort of travel girdle on international trips. All the altitude and time-zone changing plays havoc with his innards, not to mention the heavy wads of yen tucked into his pockets for selling out the MOTHERFUCKING PINSTRIPES!!!!!!!!! Up until this trip, they were as pure as the driven snow. You know it.
3/29/2004
An email dialogue about the Vines and LA between two goofballs I know.
Guy #1: I previewed the Vines record on iTunes. I have two letters for it, and those are L and A. Too bad. I thought they sucked before, but at least they didn't have the sound of some fat mope at the mixing desk, saying "I just order Chinese and let the magic happen". Lame stuff, great album cover.
Just what it is that makes American music suck so hard and completely: The sound of Los Angeles. The same horrible ingredients, the olestra of music, is manufactured in LA and is poured into every act from the Black Eyed Peas to the Vines. What is that ingredient, that holy Suckola, and who is responsible for it?
Guy #2: 'Twas ever thus, only it used to be that Los Angeles was the sacred cow of American music. LA has always been the home of producers' sheen, but in the 60s, at its heyday, they were great producers doing tremendous work. We had folks like Curt Boettcher, Nick De Caro and Tommy Li Puma, Gary Usher, Gary Zekley, and two hundred others churning out rock polished to a shiny sheen.
Compare and contrast with the dirty unwashed sound of San Fransisco in the same era -- the LA stuff doesn't sound like dirty hippies, it sounds like college grads with a sound jones. And *because it was the 60s*, and sonically more interesting things were happening, that stuff sounds terrific.
But, y'know, the same exact production ethic persisted into the 70s, but the sonics became less intriguing. We didn't have guys putting phase and crazy sound effects and sitars, we had people adding drippy strings and polished sheen to the Eagles records, y'know? It was the same people doing the same stuff but no longer under the influence of interesting drugs -- it was all about trying to actually create the SOUND OF COCAINE. Hence the suck.
And that same studio-sheen-overly-polished thing persists to this day, and it continues to blow.
Los Angeles is one of the most fertile creative grounds in American rock -- I so prefer the sound of Los Angeles in the 60s (the Byrds, the Buffalo Springfield, Sagittarius, etc) to the sound of San Fran (the Airplane, the Dead) for exactly the reasons that it sucks today. If that makes sense.
Just what it is that makes American music suck so hard and completely: The sound of Los Angeles. The same horrible ingredients, the olestra of music, is manufactured in LA and is poured into every act from the Black Eyed Peas to the Vines. What is that ingredient, that holy Suckola, and who is responsible for it?
Guy #2: 'Twas ever thus, only it used to be that Los Angeles was the sacred cow of American music. LA has always been the home of producers' sheen, but in the 60s, at its heyday, they were great producers doing tremendous work. We had folks like Curt Boettcher, Nick De Caro and Tommy Li Puma, Gary Usher, Gary Zekley, and two hundred others churning out rock polished to a shiny sheen.
Compare and contrast with the dirty unwashed sound of San Fransisco in the same era -- the LA stuff doesn't sound like dirty hippies, it sounds like college grads with a sound jones. And *because it was the 60s*, and sonically more interesting things were happening, that stuff sounds terrific.
But, y'know, the same exact production ethic persisted into the 70s, but the sonics became less intriguing. We didn't have guys putting phase and crazy sound effects and sitars, we had people adding drippy strings and polished sheen to the Eagles records, y'know? It was the same people doing the same stuff but no longer under the influence of interesting drugs -- it was all about trying to actually create the SOUND OF COCAINE. Hence the suck.
And that same studio-sheen-overly-polished thing persists to this day, and it continues to blow.
Los Angeles is one of the most fertile creative grounds in American rock -- I so prefer the sound of Los Angeles in the 60s (the Byrds, the Buffalo Springfield, Sagittarius, etc) to the sound of San Fran (the Airplane, the Dead) for exactly the reasons that it sucks today. If that makes sense.
3/26/2004
Breastfeeding in Public
The Hold Steady
3/25/2004
Bush Flip Floppery
from the Chicago Tribune
"During the 2000 campaign, [Bush] said, "I don't think our troops ought to be used for what's called nation-building." Those troops are now reconstructing Iraq. After denouncing President Clinton's military intervention in Haiti, Bush sent the Marines there himself."
by Steve Chapman
Published March 18, 2004
CHICAGO TRIBUNE
The other day, Donald Trump criticized Warren Buffett for ostentation, the French accused the Belgians of being snooty, and Kid Rock lamented the decline of good manners. Sound impossible? You're right. But they're no more unlikely than the truth, which is George W. Bush attacking John Kerry for changing his positions.
"Sen. Kerry clearly has strong beliefs," the president quipped recently. "They just don't last very long." Bush says his Democratic challenger has flip-flopped on the Iraq war, tax cuts, the USA Patriot Act and the North American Free Trade Agreement.
Changing positions is something Bush knows a lot about. He does it all the time, even as he pretends to be steady and sure. But what he lacks in consistency, he makes up in certitude. He's a man who believes what he says, even if what he says is exactly the opposite of what he said yesterday.
But conservatives have been happy to echo the official line. Wall Street Journal columnist Daniel Henninger lambastes Kerry as "inconsistent and opportunistic," traits he attributes to decades of service in the U.S. Senate. "In this world," reveals Henninger, "the instinctive hedging ascribed to Kerry, an ear for the upper registers of nuance and an aversion to constancy, is natural and normal."
Reading Henninger, you might forget the Senate produced such presidents as Harry Truman, John Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson--who were not exactly mealy-mouthed milquetoasts. He also overlooks plenty of current and past senators known for straight talk and strong convictions, from Barry Goldwater and Phil Gramm on the Republican side to Ted Kennedy and Henry "Scoop" Jackson in the Democratic ranks.
If Kerry sometimes reverses course, it's not because he's wasted 20 years representing the people of his state in the U.S. Senate when he could have been doing something useful, like running a baseball team. It's because, like most politicians, he sometimes finds that a shift in positions is politically useful--not an admirable motive, but hardly an unusual one.
Kerry certainly can't match the heroic consistency Bush has shown on tax cuts--which the president proposes when the economy is growing and when it's shrinking, when the budget has a surplus or a deficit, when the nation is at peace or fighting a war. A guy who uses a hammer on a nail and a screwdriver on a screw, in Bush's book, would be guilty of flip-flopping. A man of principle uses a hammer for every task.
I really shouldn't fault the president for his unchanging position on tax cuts, since it's one of his few positions that haven't changed. During the 2000 campaign, he said, "I don't think our troops ought to be used for what's called nation-building." Those troops are now reconstructing Iraq. After denouncing President Clinton's military intervention in Haiti, Bush sent the Marines there himself.
Bush said his predecessor "overdeployed" American forces, but he has stretched them even thinner. After pledging to bring our troops home from Bosnia, he kept them there.
In the campaign, he promised to boost the defense budget. After taking office, he said he'd keep it at the level proposed by Bill Clinton. Then he decided to raise it after all.
Bush partisans portray him as a forward-looking leader in the war on terror. That took another turnaround. In 2001, outgoing National Security Adviser Sandy Berger informed his successor, Condoleezza Rice, "You're going to spend more time during your four years on terrorism generally and Al Qaeda specifically than any other issue." But the administration left Osama bin Laden alone until he killed nearly 3,000 Americans.
After Sept. 11, 2001, Bush rejected demands for a new Department of Homeland Security, but eventually changed his mind. Then, when he didn't get his way immediately, he said the Democratic-controlled Senate was "not interested in the security of the American people"--because it declined to approve something he had opposed just months before.
The president was against a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage; now he's for it. He rejected the idea of negotiating with North Korea over its nuclear weapons program, but lately he's been doing just that.
On Iraq, he promised to ask for a second vote by the UN Security Council before invading, only to renege when it became clear he would lose.
In his 2003 State of the Union address, he said Saddam Hussein had vast stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction. In his 2004 State of the Union address, he said Saddam Hussein "had weapons of mass destruction-related program activities."
Bush thinks it would be a mistake to entrust the presidency to a candidate with a history of flip-flopping on important issues. He should hope Americans don't agree.
----------
E-mail: schapman@tribune.com
"During the 2000 campaign, [Bush] said, "I don't think our troops ought to be used for what's called nation-building." Those troops are now reconstructing Iraq. After denouncing President Clinton's military intervention in Haiti, Bush sent the Marines there himself."
by Steve Chapman
Published March 18, 2004
CHICAGO TRIBUNE
The other day, Donald Trump criticized Warren Buffett for ostentation, the French accused the Belgians of being snooty, and Kid Rock lamented the decline of good manners. Sound impossible? You're right. But they're no more unlikely than the truth, which is George W. Bush attacking John Kerry for changing his positions.
"Sen. Kerry clearly has strong beliefs," the president quipped recently. "They just don't last very long." Bush says his Democratic challenger has flip-flopped on the Iraq war, tax cuts, the USA Patriot Act and the North American Free Trade Agreement.
Changing positions is something Bush knows a lot about. He does it all the time, even as he pretends to be steady and sure. But what he lacks in consistency, he makes up in certitude. He's a man who believes what he says, even if what he says is exactly the opposite of what he said yesterday.
But conservatives have been happy to echo the official line. Wall Street Journal columnist Daniel Henninger lambastes Kerry as "inconsistent and opportunistic," traits he attributes to decades of service in the U.S. Senate. "In this world," reveals Henninger, "the instinctive hedging ascribed to Kerry, an ear for the upper registers of nuance and an aversion to constancy, is natural and normal."
Reading Henninger, you might forget the Senate produced such presidents as Harry Truman, John Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson--who were not exactly mealy-mouthed milquetoasts. He also overlooks plenty of current and past senators known for straight talk and strong convictions, from Barry Goldwater and Phil Gramm on the Republican side to Ted Kennedy and Henry "Scoop" Jackson in the Democratic ranks.
If Kerry sometimes reverses course, it's not because he's wasted 20 years representing the people of his state in the U.S. Senate when he could have been doing something useful, like running a baseball team. It's because, like most politicians, he sometimes finds that a shift in positions is politically useful--not an admirable motive, but hardly an unusual one.
Kerry certainly can't match the heroic consistency Bush has shown on tax cuts--which the president proposes when the economy is growing and when it's shrinking, when the budget has a surplus or a deficit, when the nation is at peace or fighting a war. A guy who uses a hammer on a nail and a screwdriver on a screw, in Bush's book, would be guilty of flip-flopping. A man of principle uses a hammer for every task.
I really shouldn't fault the president for his unchanging position on tax cuts, since it's one of his few positions that haven't changed. During the 2000 campaign, he said, "I don't think our troops ought to be used for what's called nation-building." Those troops are now reconstructing Iraq. After denouncing President Clinton's military intervention in Haiti, Bush sent the Marines there himself.
Bush said his predecessor "overdeployed" American forces, but he has stretched them even thinner. After pledging to bring our troops home from Bosnia, he kept them there.
In the campaign, he promised to boost the defense budget. After taking office, he said he'd keep it at the level proposed by Bill Clinton. Then he decided to raise it after all.
Bush partisans portray him as a forward-looking leader in the war on terror. That took another turnaround. In 2001, outgoing National Security Adviser Sandy Berger informed his successor, Condoleezza Rice, "You're going to spend more time during your four years on terrorism generally and Al Qaeda specifically than any other issue." But the administration left Osama bin Laden alone until he killed nearly 3,000 Americans.
After Sept. 11, 2001, Bush rejected demands for a new Department of Homeland Security, but eventually changed his mind. Then, when he didn't get his way immediately, he said the Democratic-controlled Senate was "not interested in the security of the American people"--because it declined to approve something he had opposed just months before.
The president was against a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage; now he's for it. He rejected the idea of negotiating with North Korea over its nuclear weapons program, but lately he's been doing just that.
On Iraq, he promised to ask for a second vote by the UN Security Council before invading, only to renege when it became clear he would lose.
In his 2003 State of the Union address, he said Saddam Hussein had vast stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction. In his 2004 State of the Union address, he said Saddam Hussein "had weapons of mass destruction-related program activities."
Bush thinks it would be a mistake to entrust the presidency to a candidate with a history of flip-flopping on important issues. He should hope Americans don't agree.
----------
E-mail: schapman@tribune.com
News
U.S. Soldiers in Iraq are committing suicide far more often than the Army average...
How will GWB & co. spin this? Oh yeah, it is because YOU are not patriotic enough.
How will GWB & co. spin this? Oh yeah, it is because YOU are not patriotic enough.
3/24/2004
Dennis Miller: Here's your ass Dennis, why not let Eric Alterman hand it to you?
via gawker
Dennis Miller interviews??? Eric Alterman.
Hey Dennis, the scariest part of this is your studio audience. Is that the camerawoman and two interns? God, how I loved you in 1988! For me, your transformation came around the time you did the M&M's commercial. Really, you can be as conservative as you want, bro, but talking to pretend fucking candy??? You know you would have killed yourself for that once upon a time. What was the matter? Mortgage a little bit too high? Here's a final thought: When the well runs dry in a couple of years, and you inevitably come out of your Rumsfeldian coma and start doing People interviews about your "asshole years" and even write some mildly funny bits about it, I won't be there to help keep you in your gated community.
Dennis Miller interviews??? Eric Alterman.
Hey Dennis, the scariest part of this is your studio audience. Is that the camerawoman and two interns? God, how I loved you in 1988! For me, your transformation came around the time you did the M&M's commercial. Really, you can be as conservative as you want, bro, but talking to pretend fucking candy??? You know you would have killed yourself for that once upon a time. What was the matter? Mortgage a little bit too high? Here's a final thought: When the well runs dry in a couple of years, and you inevitably come out of your Rumsfeldian coma and start doing People interviews about your "asshole years" and even write some mildly funny bits about it, I won't be there to help keep you in your gated community.
"Roommates"
Can you get me someone at MTV? Or Vh-1, I guess. It doesn't matter. After watching the whole second season of America's Next Top Model, and witnessing Courtney Love's last NYC junket/jail stint, I have an idea for a reality show.
Janice Dickinson & Courtney Love.
Together.
In a small efficiency apartment in an 8-plex in Reno, or Tahoe, or Elko, or Atlantic City.
They're waitresses (a la Flo from Alice) at a down-market casino.
Inevitably, the people closest to them will be their coworkers or neighbors: a dumpy teen girl who wants to be a model, and a hot, but idiotic teenage rocker boy whose dad has a massive gambling problem. All of these people will have eyebrow piercings. All of these people will either be shepherded by JD & CL, or shepherd them, or incur their wrath, and/or end up having sex with them. Probably all of the above x456.
All of the filming will take place over the course of ten days.
There will be a lot of wine and a lot of pills.
And only one bunk bed.
No sleeping on the couch.
What's missing? A parole officer? Yes. Maybe a gentle, rotund parole officer named Patti whose heart has a rather large hole in it that she fills with buffet puddings, potato vodka, etc. Who hates these bitches because of what they've pissed away, but, you know, deep down she really loves them.
What else?
What?
Oh, okay. A couple of 8-balls. We don't show this on camera. But yes, 8-balls. Maybe a little Rum, too.
The finale is a LIVE fashion show featuring the locals with music played by Courtney (and probably Vince Neil shows up, too.)
Janice Dickinson & Courtney Love.
Together.
In a small efficiency apartment in an 8-plex in Reno, or Tahoe, or Elko, or Atlantic City.
They're waitresses (a la Flo from Alice) at a down-market casino.
Inevitably, the people closest to them will be their coworkers or neighbors: a dumpy teen girl who wants to be a model, and a hot, but idiotic teenage rocker boy whose dad has a massive gambling problem. All of these people will have eyebrow piercings. All of these people will either be shepherded by JD & CL, or shepherd them, or incur their wrath, and/or end up having sex with them. Probably all of the above x456.
All of the filming will take place over the course of ten days.
There will be a lot of wine and a lot of pills.
And only one bunk bed.
No sleeping on the couch.
What's missing? A parole officer? Yes. Maybe a gentle, rotund parole officer named Patti whose heart has a rather large hole in it that she fills with buffet puddings, potato vodka, etc. Who hates these bitches because of what they've pissed away, but, you know, deep down she really loves them.
What else?
What?
Oh, okay. A couple of 8-balls. We don't show this on camera. But yes, 8-balls. Maybe a little Rum, too.
The finale is a LIVE fashion show featuring the locals with music played by Courtney (and probably Vince Neil shows up, too.)
Gary Lutz on Flying West
Votes & Frauds
3/23/2004
Chicago Illinois on March 25th
If you are in Chicago on Thursday, please check this out.
AQUACADE w/
D.C. Berman
Harmony Korine
Bill Callahan (SMOG)
Stephen Elliott
Joe Wenderoth
and more.
Wenderoth, like all of the above, is seriously amazing. One of the most gifted writers/thinkers in the U.S.A.
AQUACADE w/
D.C. Berman
Harmony Korine
Bill Callahan (SMOG)
Stephen Elliott
Joe Wenderoth
and more.
Wenderoth, like all of the above, is seriously amazing. One of the most gifted writers/thinkers in the U.S.A.
America's Next Top Model Finale
Cue "The Final Countdown" by Europe.
Make scrambled eggs for 32.
Drink a mixture of Malibu rum & Sparks with whole chunks of frozen mango.
Crash face first through your glass coffee table.
Have friend rush you to ER.
Get friend arrested for pushing you.
Get stitched up.
Take some pictures on your cell phone.
It is now noon (EST).
Go home and wait the nine hours until the finale of America's Next Top Model 2.
Root for Mercedes.
Shandi is such an underdog, she's actually the favorite.
Chastise Yoanna and who ever decided she should wear that horrid peach scarf for every friggin' interview, via snail mail, once a day until you're 46.
Do your eyebrows.
Hunt around for some more Sparks.
P.S. Don't say "huh?" 'cause you know you watch it.
Make scrambled eggs for 32.
Drink a mixture of Malibu rum & Sparks with whole chunks of frozen mango.
Crash face first through your glass coffee table.
Have friend rush you to ER.
Get friend arrested for pushing you.
Get stitched up.
Take some pictures on your cell phone.
It is now noon (EST).
Go home and wait the nine hours until the finale of America's Next Top Model 2.
Root for Mercedes.
Shandi is such an underdog, she's actually the favorite.
Chastise Yoanna and who ever decided she should wear that horrid peach scarf for every friggin' interview, via snail mail, once a day until you're 46.
Do your eyebrows.
Hunt around for some more Sparks.
P.S. Don't say "huh?" 'cause you know you watch it.
3/22/2004
The Armageddon Plan
Cheney & Rumsfeld, The Early Years.
The capstone to all these efforts to stay mobile was a special airplane, the National Emergency Airborne Command Post, a modified Boeing 747 based at Andrews and specially outfitted with a conference room and advanced communications gear. In it a President could remain in the air and run the country during a nuclear showdown. In one exercise a team of officials stayed aloft in this plane for three days straight, cruising up and down the coasts and back and forth across the country, refueling in the air.
The capstone to all these efforts to stay mobile was a special airplane, the National Emergency Airborne Command Post, a modified Boeing 747 based at Andrews and specially outfitted with a conference room and advanced communications gear. In it a President could remain in the air and run the country during a nuclear showdown. In one exercise a team of officials stayed aloft in this plane for three days straight, cruising up and down the coasts and back and forth across the country, refueling in the air.
Shirts
These are nice. Please go there.
The Martha Stewart Good Thing/Bad Thing Cliches in Journalism Project: a small note
Below is One MARTHA Post.
In between is a Thurman Munson post.
Below that is the 2nd MARTHA Post.
thanks.
In between is a Thurman Munson post.
Below that is the 2nd MARTHA Post.
thanks.
The Martha Stewart Good Thing/Bad Thing Cliches in Journalism Project.
Over the course of this post, and really, it's so Goddamn boring cutting and pasting this shit, that the "project" will end promptly with the last sentence, we'll take a look at what some of the most creative minds in journalism have had to say regarding the Martha Stewart trial and conviction. Remember, these folks are the foot soldiers in the fight to keep Americans informed!!! Their days and nights of freely reporting, pontificating, headline & caption writing are what set us apart from censored societies.
The project was born last week, when I noticed that an insightful Martha article in the New Yorker was dreadfully titled "A Bad Thing." This was, of course, a play on the famous Martha end-of-segment kicker, "a good thing." I'd just read some Martha commentary in the same week's New Republic that ended with the statement that Martha's trial outcome was "not a good thing."
A web search revealed that both US News & World Report and Time magazine had run the same headline, "Not a Good Thing" for their reports on the trial's outcome last week. The search: "Martha Stewart" and "not a good thing" provided 3,120 results.
Having been scolded repeatedly by journalists throughout the country for using web searches as reporting, I decided a more thorough Lexis-Nexis search would provide me some more concrete info with regard to how widespread the smug cliche-ing of "good thing" and "bad thing" had become in American newspapers and magazines. Of course, there's no way (that I know of) to tally ancillary Martha Stewart cliches proffered by a.m. shock jocks, and it would take eons to return all the articles that make a dumb joke about "stripes" being "in" for Martha, or the tired Master Card rip-offs, "seeing Martha's face as the verdict was read: Priceless," that in days of yore would have been Xeroxed to the point of illegibility and circulated by harried and bitter office drones, but I offer you a basic "nuts & bolts" look into how fucking braindead we all are.
Over the past month, "Martha Stewart" and "good thing" returned 311 results on Lexis-Nexis. Admittedly, some of these were duplicates, or syndicated articles appearing in different papers, and some were merely goofy letters to the editor. A search of the last 90 days balloons the results up to the 600s. I couldn't deliver them all to you, because at 4 a.m., my wife was starting to think that me, sitting in front of a computer, working on an unpaid piece for my blog was totally fucking retarded. I couldn't argue.
Content has been edited so as not to bore you too much.
At the end of this batch, stay tuned for "Martha Stewart" and "bad thing" results.
________________________________________
The Kansas City Star
March 21, 2004
HEADLINE: Enough of 'a good thing'
BODY:
For several years Martha Stewart had been a staple of Star Magazine, but last week's column was her last appearance here. Her editors at New York Times Special Features announced that other writers from Stewart's company would produce her newspaper columns until her legal troubles were resolved. Instead of publishing the new columns, Star Magazine will print other feature stories, beginning today.
____________________________________
Chicago Tribune
March 19, 2004 Friday
HEADLINE: Good things -- bar none -- for Stewart's new lifestyle
BYLINE: By Kathy Flood, Special to the Tribune.
__________________________________________
Investor's Business Daily
March 19, 2004 Friday
Martha Stewart told her fans it would be a good thing if they wrote her judge to ask for a light sentence. She was convicted of lying to the government regarding stock sales.
?_____________________________________
The Ledger (Lakeland, FL)
March 19, 2004, Friday
HEADLINE: POP MUSIC GOES RIGHT IN CRISIS; BACKSTAGE PASS
BYLINE: BILL DEAN The Ledger
BODY:
The path of popular music, spiraling ever downward for the past month, made a striking turn for the better last week.
And with apologies to Martha Stewart's publicists, it was a good thing.
_______________________________________________
Rocky Mountain News (Denver, CO)
March 19, 2004
HEADLINE: SPIFF UP YOUR WORK SPACE - FOR MARTHA
BYLINE: Erica Heath
BODY:
Now that she's looking at hard time, I'm feeling guilty about all those mean things I've said about Martha Stewart. Jealousy made me do it. I am not tuned in to place settings, and I can't make food look pretty no matter how hard I try.
I admit that I resented Martha, and I now feel compelled to make amends. So in her honor, let's spiff up our personal workspace, shall we?
...It wasn't easy to manage in my little office, but Martha would be proud of my ingenuity. These days, you'll find me sitting under my desk, waiting for that promotion. It's a little cramped, but cozy. As they say on the cell block, it's a good thing.
NOTES:
Erica Heath is a 20-year veteran of the corporate wars. Her e-mail address is ericaheath@aol.com.
______________________________________
Miami New Times (Florida)
March 18, 2004 Thursday
HEADLINE: In Good Time
Miami does away with SCA
BYLINE: Juan Carlos Rodriguez
With the demise of Martha Stewart, America is hurting for a clean-cut arbiter of clean-cut living. There will be a need for someone to show the dirty, mismatched minions what good things in life are all about...Remember that Martha Stewart had a vision. It's a good thing. The class begins at 10:00 a.m. at Enchanted Forest Elaine Gordon Park, 1725 NE 135th St., North Miami. Registration costs $15 and $25. Call 305-893-6511, ext. 2260. -- By Juan Carlos Rodriguez
__________________________________________ ?
THE SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER
March 18, 2004, Thursday FINAL
HEADLINE: SPIEZIO READY TO ROCK IN NEW ROLE
BYLINE: ART THIEL P-I columnist
DATELINE: PEORIA, Ariz.
The point here is not Spiezio's tastes. The point is that he has a hobby.
As diva-cum-felon Martha Stewart would say, it's a good thing.
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University Wire
March 18, 2004 Thursday
SECTION: COLUMN
LENGTH: 486 words
HEADLINE: Well hung over like a horse
BYLINE: By Ryan Major, Independent Florida Alligator; SOURCE: U. Florida
DATELINE: GAINESVILLE, Fla.
...There also appear to be several, malevolent demons dancing a twisted ritual of decadence in my brain. And my stomach, having been folded into knots and long since forgotten from Cub Scouts, is trying to escape through my esophagus. Of course, my throat is constricted tighter than Martha Stewart's after telling a fellow convict donning pasty, pink ribbons pre-cunnilingus is "a good thing," so escape proves impossible.
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Akron Beacon Journal (Ohio)
March 17, 2004 Wednesday 4X EDITION
HEADLINE: Did Martha Stewart get the verdict she deserved?;
Responses to last week's question:
...Does this mean Stewart has been unfairly treated? No way. She brought this focus upon herself. First of all, Stewart was convicted of lying because she asserted her innocence and made up a story about why she sold her stock. She probably thought it was ''a good thing'' for her business, Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, to deny that she knew what ImClone's founder, Samuel Waksal, was trying to do.
Martha the scapegoat
-- it's a bad thing
I am sick and tired of hearing all the bad things about Martha Stewart. She's being used as a scapegoat to snow the American public. She netted $45,000. So what?
Martha Stewart is not a dangerous criminal and, in fact, does a great deal of ''good things'' for all of her followers.
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The Kansas City Star
March 17, 2004, Wednesday
HEADLINE: No matter where, prison is not a good thing
BYLINE: By Lisa Gutierrez
BODY:
First comes the paperwork.
Then comes the strip search. Bend over.
Here's your uniform. Hope you look good in head-to-toe khaki.
Welcome to federal prison, Martha Stewart.
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University Wire
March 17, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: Down with Martha
BYLINE: By Matt Bramanti, The Observer; SOURCE: U. Notre Dame
DATELINE: SOUTH BEND, Ind.
Martha Stewart is going to jail, and I couldn't be happier. The fact is, I can't stand the woman.
Now, it's not for the reasons you might suspect. I'm not jealous of her homemaking skills. I don't have deep-seated insecurities because I can't make marshmallows from scratch or handcraft a saddle over my lunch hour. I'm not threatened by the prospect of a powerful woman in business. I don't even mind that she's known as a mean-spirited person with a nasty temper.
Nope, it's a lot simpler than all that. I don't like Martha Stewart because she's a scumbag.
She lied to federal agents, tried to cover it up and got caught. Now she's getting her just deserts.
I, for one, will leave my tackily decorated room, then head to North Dining Hall to wolf down a bowl of Frosted Flakes. By the time you read this, I'll be at the Linebacker Lounge, shooting pool and drinking large quantities of green beer.
As Martha would say: It's a good thing.
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WASH POST 3/16
Note: I'm sorry I replied to almost none of the e-mails you sent about last week's Martha Stewart column. As Stewart might have said, that's not a good thing. But I got more than 400 e-mails, far too many for me to even begin to answer.
Sloan is Newsweek's Wall Street editor. His e-mail address is mailto:sloan@panix.com.
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Charlotte Observer (North Carolina)
March 15, 2004 Monday
HEADLINE: ODES TO DENNIS AND MARTHA;
NEVER-SAY-DIE DEMO CANDIDATE AND DOMESTIC DIVA DRAW IN-RHYME DIGS
BYLINE: MARY NEWSOM, ASSOCIATE EDITOR, OBSERVER CONTRIBUTORS
BODY:
We could have made this the all-Martha edition of the Limerick contest. Her legal troubles inspired dozens to dabble in doggerel - see below.
Back to Martha Stewart. Her rise and fall entranced not only regular folks, but that peculiar species who set their opinions to verse. Cameron Swallow of Davidson predicted one outcome:
We also liked Loyd Dillon's entry:
The judge banged her gavel (a wood thing)
Though Martha had not done a "hood" thing.
Her white collar crime
May lead to jail time.
Justice is blind. That's a good thing.
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Dayton Daily News (Ohio)
March 15, 2004 Monday
HEADLINE: CONVICTION MAKES HER COLLECTIBLE
BYLINE: Sharon Short
BODY:
I can just hear the antique show's appraiser saying to me: "Oh, you have here a Martha Stewart brushed silver soft soap dispenser, circa early 21st century. It's fascinating to note that to many, Martha was either a domestic messiah or demon, depending on how you looked at her particular take on achieving happiness through a perfectly honed homey lifestyle.
"But then Martha was found guilty of buying stocks on insider information and trying to lie to cover it up. Not a good thing!
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New York Observer
3/15/2004
HEADLINE: Bush Had Friends, But Martha Had None
BYLINE: Joe Conason
BODY:
It's a good thing to be king -- as a certain disgraced diva might tell us -- but not always such a good thing to be queen.
Even Martha Stewart's advocates found her conduct difficult to defend as she faced sentencing and, perhaps, the ruin of the company she has spent her life building.
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Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (Pennsylvania)
March 15, 2004
HEADLINE: FREE MARTHA: IT'S THE SMART AND RIGHT MOVE
BYLINE: RUTH ANN DAILEY, PITTSBURGH POST-GAZETTE
In spite of those who were gleeful over her downfall, she deserves a second chance. Doing penance -- it's a good thing.
NOTES:
Ruth Ann Dailey can be reached at rdailey@post-gazette.com
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Tampa Tribune (Florida)
March 15, 2004
HEADLINE: Give Martha's Cell Your Special Touch
BYLINE: Kim MacCormack
Domestic diva Martha Stewart is likely going to do jail time (10 to 16 months, legal experts say) for doing bad things: obstructing justice, conspiracy and making false statements. She's scheduled to be sentenced in June.
Stewart faces a tough transition from opulent living in multiroomed mansions to a single cell in a minimum security facility.
We're here to help.
It's our first ? and only ? decorate Martha's jail cell competition. We've given you the basics: walls, a window, a bunk, a toilet and Martha.
Use colored pencils, crayons or paint. Go mixed-media with fabric, stickers or magazine clippings. Get in touch with your inner Martha.
We'll gather a panel of judges, award prizes and publish the winners in early June ? just in time for sentencing (pending appeals).
It's a good thing.
--------------------------------------------
Tulsa World (Oklahoma)
March 15, 2004
HEADLINE: Mortgage train back in station
BYLINE: Staff Reports
In my book, the best thing about Martha Stewart's conviction is the message it sends to Corporate America, one that says the Justice Department is serious about punishing the bad guys. [NOTE FROM FITTEDSWEATS: "BULLSHIT"]
The sight of Martha behind bars on what many market watchers felt was a ticky-tack charge about a comparatively small amount of money should help scare off the type of rogues willing to go bad for short money. The sight of Stewart getting beaten both by Justice and the SEC will strengthen that image.
And that, as Martha likes to say, is a good thing.
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The Boston Herald
March 14, 2004 Sunday
HEADLINE: Fans: Since when is it a crime to be perfect?
BYLINE: By Max Heuer
BODY:
Angry fans of convicted homemaking queen Martha Stewart protested in Franklin last night, denouncing the domestic diva's four guilty counts and hefty possible prison sentence of five to 20 years.
"Martha Stewart is innocent and she should not be going to jail," said organizer Jim D'Aniello, 19, a student at Massachusetts Bay College who owns Stewart's full collection of CDs and books and subscribes to Martha Stewart Living magazine.
D'Aniello and at least two other Stewart "advocates" were scheduled to hit Franklin Town Common about 10 last night, carrying signs in a candlelit protest with selections from Stewart's CD collection playing in the background.
The group also ordered protest T-shirts, which read "Martha Stewart Living Free" on the front and Stewart's signature slogan, "It's a good thing," on the back.
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The Boston Globe
March 14, 2004,
HEADLINE: Jascha Hoffman is a writer living in Brooklyn.;
INSIDER TRADING: IT'S A GOOD THING
BYLINE: By Jascha Hoffman
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Daily News (New York)
March 14, 2004 Sunday
HEADLINE: She's guilty, we're ... FORGIVING
BYLINE: BY TRACY CONNOR DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
New Yorkers to the judge: Give Martha a break.
An exclusive Daily News poll shows that most people here feel the domestic diva deserved to be prosecuted for lying to the government over the sale of her stock.
But, when it comes to punishment, their hearts turn as soft as one of her almond sponge cakes.
Only 39% of New Yorkers want the 62-year-old mogul to wind up in the big house, with 50% saying she should remain a free woman.
The poll of 507 adults last week found 56% believe Stewart, who faces up to 16 months in federal prison when Judge Miriam Cedarbaum sentences her in June, should have been prosecuted.
But many of them still don't think that putting her in prison would be a good thing.
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Daily News (New York)
March 14, 2004 Sunday
HEADLINE: THE RETURN OF THE QUEEN The Puck Goddess has all the answers
BYLINE: BY SHERRY ROSS
From "Miracle" to debacle in just five short weeks, it's been a tumultuous time for the National Hockey League. Who better to make sense of the scene than the Puck Queen?
DN: Speaking of a good thing, if Martha Stewart can serve jail time without breaking so much as an eggshell, why can't Bertuzzi for breaking Steve Moore's neck?
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The New York Times
March 14, 2004
HEADLINE: Page Two: March 7-14;
No New Marthas Need Apply
BODY:
A swell of candidates are eager to take Martha Stewart's place as America's domestic goddess. Is this a good thing? The Week in Review asked Cheryl Mendelson, author of "Home Comforts: The Art and Science of Keeping House."
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Tulsa World (Oklahoma)
March 14, 2004
HEADLINE: Fashion Flash
BYLINE: JASON ASHLEY WRIGHT World Staff Writer
BODY:
A Kansas City entrepreneur is taking a stand for Martha Stewart by creating a line of buttons in support of the domestic diva.
Sharon Young creates campaign buttons and sells them online at PoliticalShop.com, though usually for elections.
She decided to take on the Martha Stewart debacle for her latest line of current events-related buttons.
Her stripe collection is due out soon.
The 3-inch round buttons have statements like "Free Martha," "Martha. She's a Good Thing" and "I Still Love Martha." My personal fave is "Don't Cook Martha's Goose!"
Take note, collectors: Young will have limited-edition printing through 2004. So visit MarthaButtons.com or PoliticalShop.com to place an order. Each one is $5, or you can order five for $20.
The latter seems more of a good thing.
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Fort Worth Star Telegram (Texas)
March 13, 2004, Saturday
HEADLINE: Martha, thanks for the good things
BYLINE: MEDA KESSLER; Star-Telegram Staff Writer
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San Antonio Express-News (Texas)
March 13, 2004, Saturday
HEADLINE: Probation a good thing for officers
BYLINE: Michael O'Rourke?
BODY: ?I called my ninth year on the road as a stand-up comic my "I Should Have Gone To Law School" tour. The majority of my friends went to law school. I almost went to law school, if filling out the form to take the Law School Admissions Test, but never actually turning it in, constitutes "almost." ...Had things gone a different way, I would have liked to be one of the probation officers on the parole board that met with Martha Stewart this past Monday. These probation officers will make a sentence recommendation to the judge. ?
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The Daily Journal (Vineland, NJ)
March 12, 2004 Friday
HEADLINE: TODD AND LORI'S TOP 3
BYLINE: Staff
BODY:
Top three
sentencing
ideas for
Martha
Here are our top 3 sentencing recommendations for Martha Stewart.
Todd
1. Paint my house: No, Martha, put the Wagner sprayer down. This is punishment, remember. I'm picturing my home a nice shade of Pacific Delphinium Blue (your description, not mine).
2. Rake our yards: Oh, darling, how hard times have befallen you.
3. Bake cookies: So to make everyone truly happy in America, I sentence you to bake five dozen cookies for every man, woman and child. It'll take a while, sure, but when that box of macadamia nut/pecan/chocolate chip cookies lands on my doorstep, mmm-mmm, it'll be a good thing.
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Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service ?
The Dallas Morning News
March 12, 2004, Friday
HEADLINE: Prison orange: Color doesn't become Martha or government
BODY:
The following editorial appeared in the Dallas Morning News on Wednesday, March 10:
If it's a good thing to punish those convicted of lying to the government _ and it is _ then why don't we feel so hot about Martha Stewart wearing prison orange?
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Milwaukee Journal Sentinel (Wisconsin)
March 12, 2004 Friday
HEADLINE: Can Martha continue to set the bar behind bars?
BYLINE: JAN UEBELHERR juebelherr@journalsentinel.com
BODY:
All together now: Martha, felon; Martha, felon.
This is bad. Not only will Martha Stewart not ever be able to be president, now she can't even carry a firearm! Phooey.
While they're making room in the sweat lodge for Martha, we're left to ponder how this all happened. Martha the felon. There's no way to top this terrible turn of events in the Land of Good Things.
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The New York Post
March 12, 2004 Friday
HEADLINE: MARTHA GOOD THING
BYLINE: STEPHEN LYNCH
_______________________________________ ?
The New York Times
March 12, 2004, Friday,
HEADLINE: Editorial Observer;
Martha Stewart's Legacy: 'It's a Good Thing'
BYLINE: ?By VERLYN KLINKENBORG
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St. Petersburg Times (Florida)
March 12, 2004
HEADLINE: Martha and prison blues: Is it such a good thing?
BYLINE: MARY JO MELONE
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The Tallahassee Democrat
March 12, 2004 Friday
HEADLINE: Zing: It's a good thing
Martha Stewart's conviction mean only one thing: killer white sale at Kmart!
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Daily Times (Salisbury, MD)
March 11, 2004 Thursday
HEADLINE: Grapevine 03/11
BYLINE: Susan Parker
BODY:
POLL RESPONSES. Questions asked in The Daily Times Internet poll do not have answers all of the time for which I can vote. If you want the real answers, let us add our own. The answers posted are surely weighted to get answers that are someone's political agenda. Although I might agree with part of a response, I certainly am not going to vote for something in the same response with which I do not agree.
NO MARTYR, PLEASE. I don't especially care for Martha Stewart, but I think she got a raw deal. She didn't do anything worse than our so-called leaders do, or anyone else. If you had information that would make you some money, hey, anybody would act on it. Don't make this woman a martyr.
A GOOD THING. The orange jumpsuit? It's a good thing.
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The Orange County Register (California)
March 11, 2004
HEADLINE: The next Martha?;
Some prospects for replacing the disgraced domestic diva.
BYLINE: By AMY WILSON , The Orange County Register
We are not going to discuss Martha Stewart today except in absentia. The absentia is the problem.
Martha created the void she leaves.
There is no heir apparent. Could you even identify Alexis, her grown daughter, if she came to tea?
Neither could we.
In lieu of that then, we gathered up our own suspects, the kind we will let into our home and our hearts even knowing that action is fraught with incredible peril.
Ladies and gentleman, a look at the candidates.
Martha Stewart's Vote goes to Ina Garten: Also known to Food Network devotees as The Barefoot Contessa, Garten was a caterer and specialty-food shop owner in the Hamptons before she went on to write for Martha's and Oprah's magazines. Her manner is as easy as her recipes, and her tendency to entertain anyone in a 50-mile radius with something she threw together is admirable. She decorates her tables with flowers from her own garden. She's a bit East Coast but she's chubby. That's a good thing.
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The Washington Post
March 11, 2004 Thursday
HEADLINE: Justice by the Numbers
BYLINE: Richard Cohen
If the last ounce of irony can be wrung from the Martha Stewart saga, it has to be this: In about the same way she instructs others to make a cake or decorate a room or arrange a garden, so will the judge in her case sentence her -- strictly by the numbers. She will go to jail not just because she has been found guilty but because people in Washington who have never met her and know nothing about her case insist on it. This is not a good thing.
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Arkansas Democrat-Gazette (Little Rock)
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: Prices as well as egos subject to inflation
BYLINE: Meredith Oakley
A few odds and ends and random thoughts while waiting for those slashed-to-the-bone clearance sales of the Martha Stewart lines of home products to begin: As long as the economy remains the single most important issue with voters, John Kerry has a fighting chance against George W. Bush in November. Americans usually vote the ole pocketbook.
"Maybe it's a victory for the little guys who lose money in the market because of these kinds of transactions," juror Chappell Hartridge said of the guilty verdicts returned on four felony counts against Martha Stewart.
Lest anyone forget, Stewart used to be a "little guy." Her crimes aside, it strikes me that her biggest failing was her determination not to return to that status.
Having known hard times as a child and worked her way through college, Stewart became too focused on protecting what she had accrued to see the big picture. Losing sight of the big picture is never a good thing.
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Cox News Service
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: Martha cooked own goose
BYLINE: ROWLAND NETHAWAY
DATELINE: WACO, Texas
BODY:
Martha Stewart is going up the river to the big house.
She's going to get an orange jump suit and a string of numbers to replace her name.
It's a good thing.
... there still are people who hold to the notion that avarice and venality are not good things even when legal.
The Martha Stewart case is a modern example of a recurring theme in literature and the Bible: The mighty will be brought low and the humble exalted.
It's a good thing.
Rowland Nethaway writes for The Waco Tribune-Herald. E-mail: RNethaway(at)wacotrib.com
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Deseret Morning News (Salt Lake City)
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: Contrition, it's a good thing
BYLINE: Deseret Morning News editorial
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The Herald (Rock Hill, S.C.)
March 10, 2004
HEADLINE: Martha Stewart takes a fall
BYLINE: The Herald
BODY:
Few are neutral about Martha Stewart. We don't expect that to change now that she has been convicted of a felony.??
Those who like her seem to like her immensely, regarding her as the savior of "good things," the guardian angel of the homemade, the champion of good taste for the masses. Come back, Martha, say her fans, we need you. You are the victim of a government witch hunt.??
Still, it's hard to construe that as a good thing for anyone affected by this scandal. And we certainly hope that the feds will be going after some bigger fish now that Stewart has been netted and filleted.
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Newsday (New York)
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: What branded felons offer brand-name diva
BYLINE: ELLIS HENICAN
Martha Stewart is not the first big fish who ever got hooked in a federal securities case.
And now, as America's domestic diva struggles to save her company and her name, she has some time-tested strategies just begging to be evaluated, copied and avoided.
This could be a good thing.
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Orlando Sentinel (Florida)
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: VERDICT IS IN FOR SAVEMARTHA.COM
BYLINE: Susan Strother Clarke, Sentinel Columnist
BODY:
Sales at John Small's Web site are at a near record.
That's a good thing.
Yet it's with mixed emotion that Small, founder, developer and wooden-spoon waver at SaveMartha.com, explains that demand for his chef hats and T-shirts -- raglan, pink sleeves -- have soared largely because his hero, Martha Stewart, was convicted last
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Press & Sun-Bulletin (Binghamton, NY)
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: EDITORIALS - Martha Stewart's recipe for ruin
Martha Stewart taught everyday people how to transform their homes from bleak to chic. She retaught cooking and housekeeping ways from the past long dead in the era of modern conveniences adding her own touch of modern attitude.
It's a pity that with all her success and savvy, Stewart was dumb enough to use an insider's tip to sell her ImClone stock for a measly (for her) $51,000 savings before the price fell. And it was especially not a good thing that she lied about it.
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Sacramento Bee
March 10, 2004, Wednesday
HEADLINE: Dirty linen is Martha's undoing
BYLINE: Anita Creamer
BODY:
While she was busy instructing her audiences on the fine points of gracious living, Martha Stewart somehow forgot the most basic instruction any of us ever receives: Don't lie, and above all else, don't lie to the feds.
With her conviction last week on four counts of lying and obstruction of justice, here came the surge of inevitable suggestions for prison-cell decor, as a nation always polarized by the perfect and prickly Martha reveled in her legal misfortunes.
It was not a good thing.
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Sun-Sentinel (Fort Lauderdale, FL)
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: THIS WAS NOT A GOOD THING
BODY:
Greed and hubris can prove more costly than losing money on Wall Street. That's the lesson from Martha Stewart's conviction last week on four counts of lying, conspiracy and obstructing an investigation.
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The Tennessean
March 10, 2004 Wednesday 1st Edition
BODY:
Serving up Martha Stewart
If lifestyle maven Martha Stewart had only fessed up about her propitious sale of ImClone Systems Inc. stock at the right time, it might have been a good thing.
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The York Dispatch
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
SECTION: LARRY HICKS
HEADLINE: One liar down, several million more to go
BYLINE: By LARRY A. HICKS
I personally don't care how many towels Martha Stewart has sold under her name.
Same goes for linens and craft stuff -- better known at my house as sit-around-junk.
Or home furnishings. Or garden supplies. Or flowers. Or greeting cards.
I don't care about her "Catalog for Living."
But Martha Stewart will go to jail. Count on that.
That is because the federal government suddenly has refocused its energies and resources on arresting and convicting people who don't tell the truth.
And that's a good thing.
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The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
March 9, 2004 Tuesday
HEADLINE: THE NEWSSTAND
BYLINE: DON O'BRIANT
BODY:
?* Martha's mess: The guilty verdicts in the Martha Stewart case definitely were not a good thing for the woman who has shaped America's tastes in everything from entertaining to home decorating.
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The Boston Herald
March 9, 2004 Tuesday
HEADLINE: Inside Track; Kerry's Web keeps FCC on the run
BYLINE: By GAYLE FEE and LAURA RAPOSA with Sean Westmoreland
BODY:
** Boston spin gal Helene Solomon 's take for CNN on the future of Martha Stewart Everyday domestics line at Kmart: "It's not like she was using bad cotton." Which, of course, wouldn't be a good thing.
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The Daily Oklahoman (Oklahoma City, OK)
March 9, 2004 Tuesday
City Edition
SECTION: OPINION; OUR VIEWS; Pg. 12A
HEADLINE: It's a good thing?;
Stewart case ginned headlines, little else
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The Kansas City Star
March 9, 2004
HEADLINE: Justice by hook or by crook;
COMMENTARY
BYLINE: By CHRIS LESTER; The Kansas City Star
BODY:
At least one good thing is happening for folks who fret about the long-term health of American worker-capitalism.
As someone might say -- though probably not Martha Stewart these days -- this is a good thing.
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The project was born last week, when I noticed that an insightful Martha article in the New Yorker was dreadfully titled "A Bad Thing." This was, of course, a play on the famous Martha end-of-segment kicker, "a good thing." I'd just read some Martha commentary in the same week's New Republic that ended with the statement that Martha's trial outcome was "not a good thing."
A web search revealed that both US News & World Report and Time magazine had run the same headline, "Not a Good Thing" for their reports on the trial's outcome last week. The search: "Martha Stewart" and "not a good thing" provided 3,120 results.
Having been scolded repeatedly by journalists throughout the country for using web searches as reporting, I decided a more thorough Lexis-Nexis search would provide me some more concrete info with regard to how widespread the smug cliche-ing of "good thing" and "bad thing" had become in American newspapers and magazines. Of course, there's no way (that I know of) to tally ancillary Martha Stewart cliches proffered by a.m. shock jocks, and it would take eons to return all the articles that make a dumb joke about "stripes" being "in" for Martha, or the tired Master Card rip-offs, "seeing Martha's face as the verdict was read: Priceless," that in days of yore would have been Xeroxed to the point of illegibility and circulated by harried and bitter office drones, but I offer you a basic "nuts & bolts" look into how fucking braindead we all are.
Over the past month, "Martha Stewart" and "good thing" returned 311 results on Lexis-Nexis. Admittedly, some of these were duplicates, or syndicated articles appearing in different papers, and some were merely goofy letters to the editor. A search of the last 90 days balloons the results up to the 600s. I couldn't deliver them all to you, because at 4 a.m., my wife was starting to think that me, sitting in front of a computer, working on an unpaid piece for my blog was totally fucking retarded. I couldn't argue.
Content has been edited so as not to bore you too much.
At the end of this batch, stay tuned for "Martha Stewart" and "bad thing" results.
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The Kansas City Star
March 21, 2004
HEADLINE: Enough of 'a good thing'
BODY:
For several years Martha Stewart had been a staple of Star Magazine, but last week's column was her last appearance here. Her editors at New York Times Special Features announced that other writers from Stewart's company would produce her newspaper columns until her legal troubles were resolved. Instead of publishing the new columns, Star Magazine will print other feature stories, beginning today.
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Chicago Tribune
March 19, 2004 Friday
HEADLINE: Good things -- bar none -- for Stewart's new lifestyle
BYLINE: By Kathy Flood, Special to the Tribune.
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Investor's Business Daily
March 19, 2004 Friday
Martha Stewart told her fans it would be a good thing if they wrote her judge to ask for a light sentence. She was convicted of lying to the government regarding stock sales.
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The Ledger (Lakeland, FL)
March 19, 2004, Friday
HEADLINE: POP MUSIC GOES RIGHT IN CRISIS; BACKSTAGE PASS
BYLINE: BILL DEAN The Ledger
BODY:
The path of popular music, spiraling ever downward for the past month, made a striking turn for the better last week.
And with apologies to Martha Stewart's publicists, it was a good thing.
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Rocky Mountain News (Denver, CO)
March 19, 2004
HEADLINE: SPIFF UP YOUR WORK SPACE - FOR MARTHA
BYLINE: Erica Heath
BODY:
Now that she's looking at hard time, I'm feeling guilty about all those mean things I've said about Martha Stewart. Jealousy made me do it. I am not tuned in to place settings, and I can't make food look pretty no matter how hard I try.
I admit that I resented Martha, and I now feel compelled to make amends. So in her honor, let's spiff up our personal workspace, shall we?
...It wasn't easy to manage in my little office, but Martha would be proud of my ingenuity. These days, you'll find me sitting under my desk, waiting for that promotion. It's a little cramped, but cozy. As they say on the cell block, it's a good thing.
NOTES:
Erica Heath is a 20-year veteran of the corporate wars. Her e-mail address is ericaheath@aol.com.
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Miami New Times (Florida)
March 18, 2004 Thursday
HEADLINE: In Good Time
Miami does away with SCA
BYLINE: Juan Carlos Rodriguez
With the demise of Martha Stewart, America is hurting for a clean-cut arbiter of clean-cut living. There will be a need for someone to show the dirty, mismatched minions what good things in life are all about...Remember that Martha Stewart had a vision. It's a good thing. The class begins at 10:00 a.m. at Enchanted Forest Elaine Gordon Park, 1725 NE 135th St., North Miami. Registration costs $15 and $25. Call 305-893-6511, ext. 2260. -- By Juan Carlos Rodriguez
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THE SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER
March 18, 2004, Thursday FINAL
HEADLINE: SPIEZIO READY TO ROCK IN NEW ROLE
BYLINE: ART THIEL P-I columnist
DATELINE: PEORIA, Ariz.
The point here is not Spiezio's tastes. The point is that he has a hobby.
As diva-cum-felon Martha Stewart would say, it's a good thing.
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University Wire
March 18, 2004 Thursday
SECTION: COLUMN
LENGTH: 486 words
HEADLINE: Well hung over like a horse
BYLINE: By Ryan Major, Independent Florida Alligator; SOURCE: U. Florida
DATELINE: GAINESVILLE, Fla.
...There also appear to be several, malevolent demons dancing a twisted ritual of decadence in my brain. And my stomach, having been folded into knots and long since forgotten from Cub Scouts, is trying to escape through my esophagus. Of course, my throat is constricted tighter than Martha Stewart's after telling a fellow convict donning pasty, pink ribbons pre-cunnilingus is "a good thing," so escape proves impossible.
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Akron Beacon Journal (Ohio)
March 17, 2004 Wednesday 4X EDITION
HEADLINE: Did Martha Stewart get the verdict she deserved?;
Responses to last week's question:
...Does this mean Stewart has been unfairly treated? No way. She brought this focus upon herself. First of all, Stewart was convicted of lying because she asserted her innocence and made up a story about why she sold her stock. She probably thought it was ''a good thing'' for her business, Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, to deny that she knew what ImClone's founder, Samuel Waksal, was trying to do.
Martha the scapegoat
-- it's a bad thing
I am sick and tired of hearing all the bad things about Martha Stewart. She's being used as a scapegoat to snow the American public. She netted $45,000. So what?
Martha Stewart is not a dangerous criminal and, in fact, does a great deal of ''good things'' for all of her followers.
_______________________________________________
The Kansas City Star
March 17, 2004, Wednesday
HEADLINE: No matter where, prison is not a good thing
BYLINE: By Lisa Gutierrez
BODY:
First comes the paperwork.
Then comes the strip search. Bend over.
Here's your uniform. Hope you look good in head-to-toe khaki.
Welcome to federal prison, Martha Stewart.
____________________________________________
University Wire
March 17, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: Down with Martha
BYLINE: By Matt Bramanti, The Observer; SOURCE: U. Notre Dame
DATELINE: SOUTH BEND, Ind.
Martha Stewart is going to jail, and I couldn't be happier. The fact is, I can't stand the woman.
Now, it's not for the reasons you might suspect. I'm not jealous of her homemaking skills. I don't have deep-seated insecurities because I can't make marshmallows from scratch or handcraft a saddle over my lunch hour. I'm not threatened by the prospect of a powerful woman in business. I don't even mind that she's known as a mean-spirited person with a nasty temper.
Nope, it's a lot simpler than all that. I don't like Martha Stewart because she's a scumbag.
She lied to federal agents, tried to cover it up and got caught. Now she's getting her just deserts.
I, for one, will leave my tackily decorated room, then head to North Dining Hall to wolf down a bowl of Frosted Flakes. By the time you read this, I'll be at the Linebacker Lounge, shooting pool and drinking large quantities of green beer.
As Martha would say: It's a good thing.
______________________________________________
WASH POST 3/16
Note: I'm sorry I replied to almost none of the e-mails you sent about last week's Martha Stewart column. As Stewart might have said, that's not a good thing. But I got more than 400 e-mails, far too many for me to even begin to answer.
Sloan is Newsweek's Wall Street editor. His e-mail address is mailto:sloan@panix.com.
____________________________________________
Charlotte Observer (North Carolina)
March 15, 2004 Monday
HEADLINE: ODES TO DENNIS AND MARTHA;
NEVER-SAY-DIE DEMO CANDIDATE AND DOMESTIC DIVA DRAW IN-RHYME DIGS
BYLINE: MARY NEWSOM, ASSOCIATE EDITOR, OBSERVER CONTRIBUTORS
BODY:
We could have made this the all-Martha edition of the Limerick contest. Her legal troubles inspired dozens to dabble in doggerel - see below.
Back to Martha Stewart. Her rise and fall entranced not only regular folks, but that peculiar species who set their opinions to verse. Cameron Swallow of Davidson predicted one outcome:
We also liked Loyd Dillon's entry:
The judge banged her gavel (a wood thing)
Though Martha had not done a "hood" thing.
Her white collar crime
May lead to jail time.
Justice is blind. That's a good thing.
_____________
?
Dayton Daily News (Ohio)
March 15, 2004 Monday
HEADLINE: CONVICTION MAKES HER COLLECTIBLE
BYLINE: Sharon Short
BODY:
I can just hear the antique show's appraiser saying to me: "Oh, you have here a Martha Stewart brushed silver soft soap dispenser, circa early 21st century. It's fascinating to note that to many, Martha was either a domestic messiah or demon, depending on how you looked at her particular take on achieving happiness through a perfectly honed homey lifestyle.
"But then Martha was found guilty of buying stocks on insider information and trying to lie to cover it up. Not a good thing!
____________
New York Observer
3/15/2004
HEADLINE: Bush Had Friends, But Martha Had None
BYLINE: Joe Conason
BODY:
It's a good thing to be king -- as a certain disgraced diva might tell us -- but not always such a good thing to be queen.
Even Martha Stewart's advocates found her conduct difficult to defend as she faced sentencing and, perhaps, the ruin of the company she has spent her life building.
_______________
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (Pennsylvania)
March 15, 2004
HEADLINE: FREE MARTHA: IT'S THE SMART AND RIGHT MOVE
BYLINE: RUTH ANN DAILEY, PITTSBURGH POST-GAZETTE
In spite of those who were gleeful over her downfall, she deserves a second chance. Doing penance -- it's a good thing.
NOTES:
Ruth Ann Dailey can be reached at rdailey@post-gazette.com
________________________________________
Tampa Tribune (Florida)
March 15, 2004
HEADLINE: Give Martha's Cell Your Special Touch
BYLINE: Kim MacCormack
Domestic diva Martha Stewart is likely going to do jail time (10 to 16 months, legal experts say) for doing bad things: obstructing justice, conspiracy and making false statements. She's scheduled to be sentenced in June.
Stewart faces a tough transition from opulent living in multiroomed mansions to a single cell in a minimum security facility.
We're here to help.
It's our first ? and only ? decorate Martha's jail cell competition. We've given you the basics: walls, a window, a bunk, a toilet and Martha.
Use colored pencils, crayons or paint. Go mixed-media with fabric, stickers or magazine clippings. Get in touch with your inner Martha.
We'll gather a panel of judges, award prizes and publish the winners in early June ? just in time for sentencing (pending appeals).
It's a good thing.
--------------------------------------------
Tulsa World (Oklahoma)
March 15, 2004
HEADLINE: Mortgage train back in station
BYLINE: Staff Reports
In my book, the best thing about Martha Stewart's conviction is the message it sends to Corporate America, one that says the Justice Department is serious about punishing the bad guys. [NOTE FROM FITTEDSWEATS: "BULLSHIT"]
The sight of Martha behind bars on what many market watchers felt was a ticky-tack charge about a comparatively small amount of money should help scare off the type of rogues willing to go bad for short money. The sight of Stewart getting beaten both by Justice and the SEC will strengthen that image.
And that, as Martha likes to say, is a good thing.
______________________________
?
The Boston Herald
March 14, 2004 Sunday
HEADLINE: Fans: Since when is it a crime to be perfect?
BYLINE: By Max Heuer
BODY:
Angry fans of convicted homemaking queen Martha Stewart protested in Franklin last night, denouncing the domestic diva's four guilty counts and hefty possible prison sentence of five to 20 years.
"Martha Stewart is innocent and she should not be going to jail," said organizer Jim D'Aniello, 19, a student at Massachusetts Bay College who owns Stewart's full collection of CDs and books and subscribes to Martha Stewart Living magazine.
D'Aniello and at least two other Stewart "advocates" were scheduled to hit Franklin Town Common about 10 last night, carrying signs in a candlelit protest with selections from Stewart's CD collection playing in the background.
The group also ordered protest T-shirts, which read "Martha Stewart Living Free" on the front and Stewart's signature slogan, "It's a good thing," on the back.
______________________
The Boston Globe
March 14, 2004,
HEADLINE: Jascha Hoffman is a writer living in Brooklyn.;
INSIDER TRADING: IT'S A GOOD THING
BYLINE: By Jascha Hoffman
____________________________
Daily News (New York)
March 14, 2004 Sunday
HEADLINE: She's guilty, we're ... FORGIVING
BYLINE: BY TRACY CONNOR DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
New Yorkers to the judge: Give Martha a break.
An exclusive Daily News poll shows that most people here feel the domestic diva deserved to be prosecuted for lying to the government over the sale of her stock.
But, when it comes to punishment, their hearts turn as soft as one of her almond sponge cakes.
Only 39% of New Yorkers want the 62-year-old mogul to wind up in the big house, with 50% saying she should remain a free woman.
The poll of 507 adults last week found 56% believe Stewart, who faces up to 16 months in federal prison when Judge Miriam Cedarbaum sentences her in June, should have been prosecuted.
But many of them still don't think that putting her in prison would be a good thing.
___________________________________________
Daily News (New York)
March 14, 2004 Sunday
HEADLINE: THE RETURN OF THE QUEEN The Puck Goddess has all the answers
BYLINE: BY SHERRY ROSS
From "Miracle" to debacle in just five short weeks, it's been a tumultuous time for the National Hockey League. Who better to make sense of the scene than the Puck Queen?
DN: Speaking of a good thing, if Martha Stewart can serve jail time without breaking so much as an eggshell, why can't Bertuzzi for breaking Steve Moore's neck?
___________________________________________
The New York Times
March 14, 2004
HEADLINE: Page Two: March 7-14;
No New Marthas Need Apply
BODY:
A swell of candidates are eager to take Martha Stewart's place as America's domestic goddess. Is this a good thing? The Week in Review asked Cheryl Mendelson, author of "Home Comforts: The Art and Science of Keeping House."
______________________________
?
Tulsa World (Oklahoma)
March 14, 2004
HEADLINE: Fashion Flash
BYLINE: JASON ASHLEY WRIGHT World Staff Writer
BODY:
A Kansas City entrepreneur is taking a stand for Martha Stewart by creating a line of buttons in support of the domestic diva.
Sharon Young creates campaign buttons and sells them online at PoliticalShop.com, though usually for elections.
She decided to take on the Martha Stewart debacle for her latest line of current events-related buttons.
Her stripe collection is due out soon.
The 3-inch round buttons have statements like "Free Martha," "Martha. She's a Good Thing" and "I Still Love Martha." My personal fave is "Don't Cook Martha's Goose!"
Take note, collectors: Young will have limited-edition printing through 2004. So visit MarthaButtons.com or PoliticalShop.com to place an order. Each one is $5, or you can order five for $20.
The latter seems more of a good thing.
______________________________________
Fort Worth Star Telegram (Texas)
March 13, 2004, Saturday
HEADLINE: Martha, thanks for the good things
BYLINE: MEDA KESSLER; Star-Telegram Staff Writer
________________________________________
San Antonio Express-News (Texas)
March 13, 2004, Saturday
HEADLINE: Probation a good thing for officers
BYLINE: Michael O'Rourke?
BODY: ?I called my ninth year on the road as a stand-up comic my "I Should Have Gone To Law School" tour. The majority of my friends went to law school. I almost went to law school, if filling out the form to take the Law School Admissions Test, but never actually turning it in, constitutes "almost." ...Had things gone a different way, I would have liked to be one of the probation officers on the parole board that met with Martha Stewart this past Monday. These probation officers will make a sentence recommendation to the judge. ?
__________________________________
The Daily Journal (Vineland, NJ)
March 12, 2004 Friday
HEADLINE: TODD AND LORI'S TOP 3
BYLINE: Staff
BODY:
Top three
sentencing
ideas for
Martha
Here are our top 3 sentencing recommendations for Martha Stewart.
Todd
1. Paint my house: No, Martha, put the Wagner sprayer down. This is punishment, remember. I'm picturing my home a nice shade of Pacific Delphinium Blue (your description, not mine).
2. Rake our yards: Oh, darling, how hard times have befallen you.
3. Bake cookies: So to make everyone truly happy in America, I sentence you to bake five dozen cookies for every man, woman and child. It'll take a while, sure, but when that box of macadamia nut/pecan/chocolate chip cookies lands on my doorstep, mmm-mmm, it'll be a good thing.
_________________________________
Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service ?
The Dallas Morning News
March 12, 2004, Friday
HEADLINE: Prison orange: Color doesn't become Martha or government
BODY:
The following editorial appeared in the Dallas Morning News on Wednesday, March 10:
If it's a good thing to punish those convicted of lying to the government _ and it is _ then why don't we feel so hot about Martha Stewart wearing prison orange?
_______________________________________________
Milwaukee Journal Sentinel (Wisconsin)
March 12, 2004 Friday
HEADLINE: Can Martha continue to set the bar behind bars?
BYLINE: JAN UEBELHERR juebelherr@journalsentinel.com
BODY:
All together now: Martha, felon; Martha, felon.
This is bad. Not only will Martha Stewart not ever be able to be president, now she can't even carry a firearm! Phooey.
While they're making room in the sweat lodge for Martha, we're left to ponder how this all happened. Martha the felon. There's no way to top this terrible turn of events in the Land of Good Things.
______________________________________
The New York Post
March 12, 2004 Friday
HEADLINE: MARTHA GOOD THING
BYLINE: STEPHEN LYNCH
_______________________________________ ?
The New York Times
March 12, 2004, Friday,
HEADLINE: Editorial Observer;
Martha Stewart's Legacy: 'It's a Good Thing'
BYLINE: ?By VERLYN KLINKENBORG
_______________________________________________
St. Petersburg Times (Florida)
March 12, 2004
HEADLINE: Martha and prison blues: Is it such a good thing?
BYLINE: MARY JO MELONE
____________________________________________
The Tallahassee Democrat
March 12, 2004 Friday
HEADLINE: Zing: It's a good thing
Martha Stewart's conviction mean only one thing: killer white sale at Kmart!
____________________________________________?
Daily Times (Salisbury, MD)
March 11, 2004 Thursday
HEADLINE: Grapevine 03/11
BYLINE: Susan Parker
BODY:
POLL RESPONSES. Questions asked in The Daily Times Internet poll do not have answers all of the time for which I can vote. If you want the real answers, let us add our own. The answers posted are surely weighted to get answers that are someone's political agenda. Although I might agree with part of a response, I certainly am not going to vote for something in the same response with which I do not agree.
NO MARTYR, PLEASE. I don't especially care for Martha Stewart, but I think she got a raw deal. She didn't do anything worse than our so-called leaders do, or anyone else. If you had information that would make you some money, hey, anybody would act on it. Don't make this woman a martyr.
A GOOD THING. The orange jumpsuit? It's a good thing.
_________________________________
The Orange County Register (California)
March 11, 2004
HEADLINE: The next Martha?;
Some prospects for replacing the disgraced domestic diva.
BYLINE: By AMY WILSON , The Orange County Register
We are not going to discuss Martha Stewart today except in absentia. The absentia is the problem.
Martha created the void she leaves.
There is no heir apparent. Could you even identify Alexis, her grown daughter, if she came to tea?
Neither could we.
In lieu of that then, we gathered up our own suspects, the kind we will let into our home and our hearts even knowing that action is fraught with incredible peril.
Ladies and gentleman, a look at the candidates.
Martha Stewart's Vote goes to Ina Garten: Also known to Food Network devotees as The Barefoot Contessa, Garten was a caterer and specialty-food shop owner in the Hamptons before she went on to write for Martha's and Oprah's magazines. Her manner is as easy as her recipes, and her tendency to entertain anyone in a 50-mile radius with something she threw together is admirable. She decorates her tables with flowers from her own garden. She's a bit East Coast but she's chubby. That's a good thing.
___________________________________________
The Washington Post
March 11, 2004 Thursday
HEADLINE: Justice by the Numbers
BYLINE: Richard Cohen
If the last ounce of irony can be wrung from the Martha Stewart saga, it has to be this: In about the same way she instructs others to make a cake or decorate a room or arrange a garden, so will the judge in her case sentence her -- strictly by the numbers. She will go to jail not just because she has been found guilty but because people in Washington who have never met her and know nothing about her case insist on it. This is not a good thing.
______________________________________________
Arkansas Democrat-Gazette (Little Rock)
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: Prices as well as egos subject to inflation
BYLINE: Meredith Oakley
A few odds and ends and random thoughts while waiting for those slashed-to-the-bone clearance sales of the Martha Stewart lines of home products to begin: As long as the economy remains the single most important issue with voters, John Kerry has a fighting chance against George W. Bush in November. Americans usually vote the ole pocketbook.
"Maybe it's a victory for the little guys who lose money in the market because of these kinds of transactions," juror Chappell Hartridge said of the guilty verdicts returned on four felony counts against Martha Stewart.
Lest anyone forget, Stewart used to be a "little guy." Her crimes aside, it strikes me that her biggest failing was her determination not to return to that status.
Having known hard times as a child and worked her way through college, Stewart became too focused on protecting what she had accrued to see the big picture. Losing sight of the big picture is never a good thing.
____________________________________________?
Cox News Service
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: Martha cooked own goose
BYLINE: ROWLAND NETHAWAY
DATELINE: WACO, Texas
BODY:
Martha Stewart is going up the river to the big house.
She's going to get an orange jump suit and a string of numbers to replace her name.
It's a good thing.
... there still are people who hold to the notion that avarice and venality are not good things even when legal.
The Martha Stewart case is a modern example of a recurring theme in literature and the Bible: The mighty will be brought low and the humble exalted.
It's a good thing.
Rowland Nethaway writes for The Waco Tribune-Herald. E-mail: RNethaway(at)wacotrib.com
_____________________________________________________________
Deseret Morning News (Salt Lake City)
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: Contrition, it's a good thing
BYLINE: Deseret Morning News editorial
____________________________________________________________?
The Herald (Rock Hill, S.C.)
March 10, 2004
HEADLINE: Martha Stewart takes a fall
BYLINE: The Herald
BODY:
Few are neutral about Martha Stewart. We don't expect that to change now that she has been convicted of a felony.??
Those who like her seem to like her immensely, regarding her as the savior of "good things," the guardian angel of the homemade, the champion of good taste for the masses. Come back, Martha, say her fans, we need you. You are the victim of a government witch hunt.??
Still, it's hard to construe that as a good thing for anyone affected by this scandal. And we certainly hope that the feds will be going after some bigger fish now that Stewart has been netted and filleted.
______________________________________________
Newsday (New York)
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: What branded felons offer brand-name diva
BYLINE: ELLIS HENICAN
Martha Stewart is not the first big fish who ever got hooked in a federal securities case.
And now, as America's domestic diva struggles to save her company and her name, she has some time-tested strategies just begging to be evaluated, copied and avoided.
This could be a good thing.
_______________________________________________
Orlando Sentinel (Florida)
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: VERDICT IS IN FOR SAVEMARTHA.COM
BYLINE: Susan Strother Clarke, Sentinel Columnist
BODY:
Sales at John Small's Web site are at a near record.
That's a good thing.
Yet it's with mixed emotion that Small, founder, developer and wooden-spoon waver at SaveMartha.com, explains that demand for his chef hats and T-shirts -- raglan, pink sleeves -- have soared largely because his hero, Martha Stewart, was convicted last
___________________________________________
Press & Sun-Bulletin (Binghamton, NY)
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: EDITORIALS - Martha Stewart's recipe for ruin
Martha Stewart taught everyday people how to transform their homes from bleak to chic. She retaught cooking and housekeeping ways from the past long dead in the era of modern conveniences adding her own touch of modern attitude.
It's a pity that with all her success and savvy, Stewart was dumb enough to use an insider's tip to sell her ImClone stock for a measly (for her) $51,000 savings before the price fell. And it was especially not a good thing that she lied about it.
______________________________________
Sacramento Bee
March 10, 2004, Wednesday
HEADLINE: Dirty linen is Martha's undoing
BYLINE: Anita Creamer
BODY:
While she was busy instructing her audiences on the fine points of gracious living, Martha Stewart somehow forgot the most basic instruction any of us ever receives: Don't lie, and above all else, don't lie to the feds.
With her conviction last week on four counts of lying and obstruction of justice, here came the surge of inevitable suggestions for prison-cell decor, as a nation always polarized by the perfect and prickly Martha reveled in her legal misfortunes.
It was not a good thing.
__________________________________________________
Sun-Sentinel (Fort Lauderdale, FL)
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: THIS WAS NOT A GOOD THING
BODY:
Greed and hubris can prove more costly than losing money on Wall Street. That's the lesson from Martha Stewart's conviction last week on four counts of lying, conspiracy and obstructing an investigation.
_______________________________________
The Tennessean
March 10, 2004 Wednesday 1st Edition
BODY:
Serving up Martha Stewart
If lifestyle maven Martha Stewart had only fessed up about her propitious sale of ImClone Systems Inc. stock at the right time, it might have been a good thing.
__________________________________________
The York Dispatch
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
SECTION: LARRY HICKS
HEADLINE: One liar down, several million more to go
BYLINE: By LARRY A. HICKS
I personally don't care how many towels Martha Stewart has sold under her name.
Same goes for linens and craft stuff -- better known at my house as sit-around-junk.
Or home furnishings. Or garden supplies. Or flowers. Or greeting cards.
I don't care about her "Catalog for Living."
But Martha Stewart will go to jail. Count on that.
That is because the federal government suddenly has refocused its energies and resources on arresting and convicting people who don't tell the truth.
And that's a good thing.
_________________________________________________
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
March 9, 2004 Tuesday
HEADLINE: THE NEWSSTAND
BYLINE: DON O'BRIANT
BODY:
?* Martha's mess: The guilty verdicts in the Martha Stewart case definitely were not a good thing for the woman who has shaped America's tastes in everything from entertaining to home decorating.
__________________________________
The Boston Herald
March 9, 2004 Tuesday
HEADLINE: Inside Track; Kerry's Web keeps FCC on the run
BYLINE: By GAYLE FEE and LAURA RAPOSA with Sean Westmoreland
BODY:
** Boston spin gal Helene Solomon 's take for CNN on the future of Martha Stewart Everyday domestics line at Kmart: "It's not like she was using bad cotton." Which, of course, wouldn't be a good thing.
___________________________________
The Daily Oklahoman (Oklahoma City, OK)
March 9, 2004 Tuesday
City Edition
SECTION: OPINION; OUR VIEWS; Pg. 12A
HEADLINE: It's a good thing?;
Stewart case ginned headlines, little else
_____________________________________________
The Kansas City Star
March 9, 2004
HEADLINE: Justice by hook or by crook;
COMMENTARY
BYLINE: By CHRIS LESTER; The Kansas City Star
BODY:
At least one good thing is happening for folks who fret about the long-term health of American worker-capitalism.
As someone might say -- though probably not Martha Stewart these days -- this is a good thing.
_______________________________________________________
3/21/2004
Baseball 2004 + Thurman Munson Essay Contest
Scroll way, way down for the goods on why people are emailing me essays about when Yankees Catcher Thurman Munson died. Here's a new one by John Finger:
It's kind of odd, how clearly I remember the day Thurman Munson died. In fact, the moment I heard the news on the radio that late summer night in Laurel, Md. during 1979, is probably one of the most memorable baseball memories I own. And trust me, I have a lot of baseball memories.
Like I said, I heard the news on the radio just before I was going to crawl into bed. I remember it was a Monday night and for some reason ABC wasn't televising a national game that night. For an eight-year-old whose life revolved around baseball, no game on TV meant an early bedtime. Remember, this was 10 years before the proliferation of sports on ESPN and 20 years before news was digitalized and uploaded onto computer screens in every room of the house. Since there was no game on UHF, I had to spin the dial on my crappy AM transistor radio to find any type of baseball talk. My prospects seemed slim since this was a time when Casey Kasem ruled the airwaves, not Mike and the Mad Dog. But there it was on WCAO in Baltimore:
"Reports out of Canton, Ohio are that Thurman Munson, the All-Star catcher and captain of the New York Yankees, died tonight in a plane crash. Munson was attempting to land his single-engine plane when he lost control of the craft at a small airport in his hometown. The Yankees and the O's are scheduled to play tomorrow night at Yankee Stadium. So far, there is no indication that the game will be postponed."
Tears. Waterworks, actually. Big, bearded and burly Thurman was dead. How could that be? He was supposed to play against the Orioles tomorrow night. Sure, was clearly beginning the downside of his career and had seemingly given up his catcher's spot to Jerry Narron so that Billy Martin could keep his bat in the lineup by using him at first and right field, but he was Thurman Munson. Never mind that he looked like Ron Jeremy after an intense work over at the spa, he was the catcher for the Yankees. They had just won the past two World Series. He was the captain. He couldn't be dead. Reggie Jackson, the anti-Thurman, was the one bad things were supposed to happen to. Reggie was the villain, not scrappy Thurman with his cap flipped upwards beneath his catcher's mask and dirt all over his pinstripes.
Anyway, I remember my dad – always awkward when dealing with any displays of emotion – trying to console me as I cried for the dead ballplayer in my tiny room of our three-bedroom apartment. I never knew of anyone who had ever died before, even though I heard a story about the Angels' Lyman Bostock getting shot. My dog and John Lennon, both killed on the same day, had more than a year left to live, and my grandfather, who taught me everything worth knowing, hadn’t yet been diagnosed with cancer. It was still a full seven years before I learned what real loss felt like. Hey, I wasn't even a Yankees fan, but Thurman was a player. Actually, he was a decent player and that meant he was as good as a member of the family. Why shouldn't I cry for him?
"Thurman's probably playing in heaven with all the great players," dad said. "I bet they have a game going right now."
Hey, give him credit. He never knew what to say to me.
The next day was a blur, but I clearly remember Scott McGregor spinning a six-hit shutout to be the shocked Yanks. The most memorable part, excluding John Lowenstein's homer to left off Luis Tiant in the 1-0 victory for the Orioles, was the stark and austere memorial before the game. Bob Sheppard, in his distinctive monotone, spoke about the dead captain while the camera above home plate focused on tight shot of the deserted catcher's box.
Thurman used to squat there.
Then I think I remember a TV announcer – it may have been Chuck Thompson or Brooks Robinson – mention that Munson had been riding a rough 2-for-24 before his death. Recently, in a case of morbid curiosity, I looked it up, and learned that Thurman really struggled during his last month. Through July, he hit just 23-for-91 with one stinking homer and a handful of RBIs, though Martin never moved him from the top of the order. Though he was coming back from an injury and wasn’t catching like he used to, Thurman still hit second and third in the order.
I think about that day a lot. Last spring I was chatting with Jason Giambi in the visitor's clubhouse at Jack Russell Stadium in Clearwater, Fla. not with the thought that Reggie, Casey, Whitey and all of the other Yankees had used that room, but rather that Thurman Munson probably hung his clothes up in one of those stalls.
Later that June, after spending the day with Scott Rolen before his Cardinals got their heads kicked in by the Yankees in the Bronx, I decided to take a tour of the deserted Stadium. With no one else to see or chase me out of what Yankees fans so arrogantly call The Stadium and into twilight of the South Bronx, I toured the old yard. I stood on the mound, walked out to center field where Joe D. and Mickey patrolled, and walked along the warning track into Death Valley. Next, I went into the double-decked bullpens, pocketed a ball that was left behind and strolled over to the adjacent Monument Park.
All of the greats are memorialized there. I rubbed the Babe Ruth plaque like Roger Clemens did prior to getting his 300th win the night before. I read about Lou Gehrig and Miller Huggins and took in the neatly manicured landscape. But there, on the back wall next to Joe McCarthy, was a plaque for "The Captain." I walked over for a closer look and before I could focus on the words, my thoughts took me back to 1979 and that night without baseball in early August.
John R. Finger covers the Philadelphia Phillies for Comcast SportsNet
It's kind of odd, how clearly I remember the day Thurman Munson died. In fact, the moment I heard the news on the radio that late summer night in Laurel, Md. during 1979, is probably one of the most memorable baseball memories I own. And trust me, I have a lot of baseball memories.
Like I said, I heard the news on the radio just before I was going to crawl into bed. I remember it was a Monday night and for some reason ABC wasn't televising a national game that night. For an eight-year-old whose life revolved around baseball, no game on TV meant an early bedtime. Remember, this was 10 years before the proliferation of sports on ESPN and 20 years before news was digitalized and uploaded onto computer screens in every room of the house. Since there was no game on UHF, I had to spin the dial on my crappy AM transistor radio to find any type of baseball talk. My prospects seemed slim since this was a time when Casey Kasem ruled the airwaves, not Mike and the Mad Dog. But there it was on WCAO in Baltimore:
"Reports out of Canton, Ohio are that Thurman Munson, the All-Star catcher and captain of the New York Yankees, died tonight in a plane crash. Munson was attempting to land his single-engine plane when he lost control of the craft at a small airport in his hometown. The Yankees and the O's are scheduled to play tomorrow night at Yankee Stadium. So far, there is no indication that the game will be postponed."
Tears. Waterworks, actually. Big, bearded and burly Thurman was dead. How could that be? He was supposed to play against the Orioles tomorrow night. Sure, was clearly beginning the downside of his career and had seemingly given up his catcher's spot to Jerry Narron so that Billy Martin could keep his bat in the lineup by using him at first and right field, but he was Thurman Munson. Never mind that he looked like Ron Jeremy after an intense work over at the spa, he was the catcher for the Yankees. They had just won the past two World Series. He was the captain. He couldn't be dead. Reggie Jackson, the anti-Thurman, was the one bad things were supposed to happen to. Reggie was the villain, not scrappy Thurman with his cap flipped upwards beneath his catcher's mask and dirt all over his pinstripes.
Anyway, I remember my dad – always awkward when dealing with any displays of emotion – trying to console me as I cried for the dead ballplayer in my tiny room of our three-bedroom apartment. I never knew of anyone who had ever died before, even though I heard a story about the Angels' Lyman Bostock getting shot. My dog and John Lennon, both killed on the same day, had more than a year left to live, and my grandfather, who taught me everything worth knowing, hadn’t yet been diagnosed with cancer. It was still a full seven years before I learned what real loss felt like. Hey, I wasn't even a Yankees fan, but Thurman was a player. Actually, he was a decent player and that meant he was as good as a member of the family. Why shouldn't I cry for him?
"Thurman's probably playing in heaven with all the great players," dad said. "I bet they have a game going right now."
Hey, give him credit. He never knew what to say to me.
The next day was a blur, but I clearly remember Scott McGregor spinning a six-hit shutout to be the shocked Yanks. The most memorable part, excluding John Lowenstein's homer to left off Luis Tiant in the 1-0 victory for the Orioles, was the stark and austere memorial before the game. Bob Sheppard, in his distinctive monotone, spoke about the dead captain while the camera above home plate focused on tight shot of the deserted catcher's box.
Thurman used to squat there.
Then I think I remember a TV announcer – it may have been Chuck Thompson or Brooks Robinson – mention that Munson had been riding a rough 2-for-24 before his death. Recently, in a case of morbid curiosity, I looked it up, and learned that Thurman really struggled during his last month. Through July, he hit just 23-for-91 with one stinking homer and a handful of RBIs, though Martin never moved him from the top of the order. Though he was coming back from an injury and wasn’t catching like he used to, Thurman still hit second and third in the order.
I think about that day a lot. Last spring I was chatting with Jason Giambi in the visitor's clubhouse at Jack Russell Stadium in Clearwater, Fla. not with the thought that Reggie, Casey, Whitey and all of the other Yankees had used that room, but rather that Thurman Munson probably hung his clothes up in one of those stalls.
Later that June, after spending the day with Scott Rolen before his Cardinals got their heads kicked in by the Yankees in the Bronx, I decided to take a tour of the deserted Stadium. With no one else to see or chase me out of what Yankees fans so arrogantly call The Stadium and into twilight of the South Bronx, I toured the old yard. I stood on the mound, walked out to center field where Joe D. and Mickey patrolled, and walked along the warning track into Death Valley. Next, I went into the double-decked bullpens, pocketed a ball that was left behind and strolled over to the adjacent Monument Park.
All of the greats are memorialized there. I rubbed the Babe Ruth plaque like Roger Clemens did prior to getting his 300th win the night before. I read about Lou Gehrig and Miller Huggins and took in the neatly manicured landscape. But there, on the back wall next to Joe McCarthy, was a plaque for "The Captain." I walked over for a closer look and before I could focus on the words, my thoughts took me back to 1979 and that night without baseball in early August.
John R. Finger covers the Philadelphia Phillies for Comcast SportsNet
Martha Stewart CLICHES, Part 2
On Wednesday March 17th, I ran a Lexis-Nexis search of "Martha Stewart" and "Bad Thing." Over the last 90 days, in major American newspapers these two phrases were connected at least 75 times. Here's a sampling. Please understand that a lot of these results come from one syndicated column by no-nonsense, on-the-front-lawn-with-arms-folded-and-head-cocked-in-an-AW-You-Kids fashion, Kathleen Parker.
COLUMBUS DISPATCH 3/17
"...home diva Martha Stewart, who also dabbled in kid's recipes in her magazine and on her TV show, no one thinks this trend is a bad thing."
"Come to think of it, maybe "not faking it" is a Good Thing. Especially when testifying in federal court."
--------------
"I hereby nominate Oprah for Goddess of Goods. She has superb taste, she owns lots of stuff and likes to give it away, and she'd have the good sense to say, "You know what? I did a Bad Thing and I'm sorry." Mary Hanna is a freelance writer who lives and creates tasteful centerpieces in San Carlos. She can be reached at mary@willwriteforfood.org .Copyright 2004 MediaNews Group, Inc. and ANG Newspapers
Alameda Times-Star (Alameda, CA)
"Whatever our visceral response to Martha Stewart, code for I'm-perfect-and-you're-not, it seems clear that her prosecution was mostly a show. Yes, yes and yes, she did a bad thing. But cutting along the bias, government prosecutors went after her because she's a celebrity." KATHLEEN PARKER
_________________________________
The New York Times
March 15, 2004, Monday, Late Edition - Final
SECTION: Section A; Page 20; Column 4; Editorial Desk
To the Editor:
Verlyn Klinkenborg's March 12 Editorial Observer about Martha Stewart reminds us only that her prosecution was a bad thing.
____________________
Chicago Tribune
March 14, 2004 Sunday
HEADLINE: Stewart trial: A good thing
BYLINE: By Greg Burns, Tribune senior correspondent.
For the perfectionist homemaker, no doubt, the trial was a very bad thing indeed--but not because of her legal defense.
________________
Leave it to reader David Belous, who remembers the details of the story, to find a lesson with specific San Antonio relevance in Stewart's downfall.
"The moral of Martha's trial is simple," he wrote.
"Never make stock deals while sitting on an airplane in San Antonio. It's a bad thing."
Susan Yerkes' column appears Wednesdays and Sundays in S.A. Life. Got a hot tip? Call her at (210) 250-3542, or e-mail syerkes@express-news.net. Cheers!
_____________________________________
_____________________
Copyright 2004 Daily News, L.P.
Daily News (New York)
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: 'DISHONESTY BOTHERS ME A LOT'
BYLINE: By DAVE GOLDINER DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
BODY:
Long before Martha Stewart was tried and convicted of deceiving federal authorities, the domestic diva put dishonesty at the top of her list of very, very bad things.
_____________________
The New York Post
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
news -- caption:
A BAD THING
Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia: Close: $9.55 (-35 cents)
___________________
The Boston Herald
March 9, 2004 Tuesday
HEADLINE: CLEANING UP MARTHA'S MESS; Show dumped, company may drop diva's name
BYLINE: By GREG GATLIN
There were more bad things than good things yesterday for Martha Stewart.
_____________________
The Cincinnati Enquirer
March 9, 2004 Tuesday Final Edition
SECTION: EDITORIAL; Editorial; Pg. 6C
LENGTH: 392 words
HEADLINE: Editorial
BYLINE: STAFF
BODY:
Hey, Martha: Greed is a bad thing. The downfall of better-living guru Martha Stewart is neither cause for gloating nor outrage.
__________________________________
The Marshfield News (Marshfield, WI)
March 9, 2004 Tuesday
HEADLINE: Practice truth
BYLINE: Staff
[S]he's heading someplace where stripes are in this season.
In Latin, the word is veritas.
Veritas, veritas, veritas.
Truth, truth, truth.
Its absence is a very bad thing.
_______________________________
Washington Times
3/9/04
BYLINE: Wesley Pruden
Martha Stewart's transgressions were more sins than crimes, and learning a little humility is never a bad thing.
Wesley Pruden is editor in chief of The Washington Times.
_____________________________
The Boston Herald
March 8, 2004 Monday
HEADLINE: PR needs put Martha on the scale
BYLINE: By Cosmo MACERO, Jr.
Martha Stewart's glistening image has been off the charts in America for more than 20 years. Now it's heading off the scale. Susan Tellem's scale. And unfortunately, that's a very bad thing.
Send e-mail to: cosmo@bostonherald.com.
_______________________________
Corpus Christi Caller-Times (Texas)
March 8, 2004, Monday
HEADLINE: The queen of gracious living erred, but . . .
BYLINE: Brooks Peterson
So . . . why am I not rejoicing at the prospect of Martha Stewart being carted off to the pen? (Theoretically, she could be sentenced to 20 years; however, a much shorter term, perhaps a year, seems likely.) Yes, she did a Bad Thing. And, no, high-profile, wildly successful individuals are not entitled to special handling by The System. But.
____________________
Daily News (New York)
March 8, 2004 Monday
HEADLINE: COMPANY MAY DISOWN HER
BYLINE: By NANCY DILLON in Westport, Conn. and DAVE GOLDINER in New York DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITERS
Martha Stewart is looking at another very, very bad day.
The board of Stewart's company could officially strip her name today from the empire she created, and the tastemaker will take the first concrete steps towards her future life as a federal prison inmate..."They'll have to address the fact that the founder's name is now associated with doing a very bad thing," said Paul Lapides, a corporate governance expert at Kennesaw State University in Georgia.
____________________
University Wire
March 8, 2004 Monday
HEADLINE: Martha Stewart's demise is her best gift idea yet
BYLINE: By Tony Burchyns, The News Record; SOURCE: U. Cincinnati
After she was caught, she lied about it.
Conceit: it's a bad thing.
Stewart could get more than a year of jail time and hefty fines, legal experts have told the press.
____________________________
Palm Beach Post (Florida)
March 7, 2004 Sunday
HEADLINE: WE LOVED SEEING HER FALL - AND THAT'S A BAD THING
BYLINE: By NICOLE PISCOPO NEAL Palm Beach Post Staff Writer
______________________________________________________________
Deseret Morning News (Salt Lake City)
March 6, 2004 Saturday
HEADLINE: Martha devotees will craft new plans
BYLINE: Laura Warner and Rodger L. Hardy Deseret Morning News
BODY: Even when bad things happen to Martha Stewart, the Good Things Group continues to support the domestic diva.
_______________________
Hartford Courant (Connecticut)
March 6, 2004 Saturday
HEADLINE: MEDIA MAKE THE MOST OF MARTHA
BYLINE: TARA WEISS And JOHN JURGENSEN; Courant Staff Writer
BODY:
Even after all the hype surrounding the Martha Stewart trial, the jury's guilty verdict was still stunning -- and certain media outlets couldn't have enjoyed it more.
"It's a bad thing! Martha convicted," read the New York Daily News.
_________________________________
The New York Post
March 6, 2004 Saturday
HEADLINE: CONVICTION A VERY BAD THING FOR KMART
BYLINE: SUZANNE KAPNER
___________________________
The New York Sun
February 25, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: A 'Little People' View Of Martha Stewart Trial
BYLINE: ALICIA COLON
BODY:
She's also being charged with misleading public comments she made regarding the federal investigation into that sale. The feds say that she did that to protect the stock price of her own company, Martha Stewart Omnimedia. And that's a bad thing?
____________
Daily News (New York)
February 12, 2004 Thursday
HEADLINE: TWISTED TALES OF MARTHA SALE
BYLINE: By GREG B. SMITH DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
BODY:
The contradicting stories follow devastating testimony from two underlings - Bacanovic's assistant and Stewart's assistant - that so far has made the trial a very bad thing for Martha.
____
ny post
2/12/04
GRAPHIC: A BAD THING: Martha Stewart arrives yesterday at the Manhattan federal courthouse, where she heard her trusted assistant deliver potentially devastating testimony.
__________
Daily News (New York)
February 4, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: WITNESS: AFTER BROKER GOT TIP, HE TOLD ME...'OH MY GOD! GET MARTHA ON THE PHONE!'
BYLINE: By GREG B. SMITH DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
BODY:
Douglas Faneuil, the 28-year-old ex-Merrill Lynch client assistant turned FBI witness, offered the first direct testimony about the ImClone Systems Inc. stock trade that has proved to be a very bad thing for Stewart.
____________
Wilkes Barre Times Leader
January 23, 2004 Friday
HEADLINE: Will trial forever brand Martha a liability? Will trial brand Martha 'a bad thing?'
________________
The Houston Chronicle
January 07, 2004, Wednesday
Martha is on trial for corruption. That is:
A) A good thing
B) A bad thing
C) I can't answer now; I want to focus on my salad.
_________
Copyright 2003 Woodward Communications, Inc.
December 31, 2003 Wednesday
SECTION: Opinion; Pg. a4
LENGTH: 413 words
HEADLINE: 2003 showed another side of high and mighty ; Sometimes it was tough to tell which was scarier - real life or reality TV
BYLINE: TELEGRAPH HERALD EDITORIAL
BODY:
In June the goddess of good taste, Martha Stewart, was indicted in an insider trading scandal that could land her behind bars...
What will 2004 hold? Will Clay Aiken actually become Barry Manilow (only without all the talent)? Will parents continue to let their children go for sleepovers at the Neverland Ranch? Will Jen and Ben wed? Will anyone care?
Oh, the memories. There will never be another year like 2003. That is not such a bad thing.
______________________________
Daily News (New York)
November 19, 2003, Wednesday
HEADLINE: JUDGE LETS MARTHA STEW IN FRAUD TRIAL
BYLINE: By GREG B. SMITH DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
BODY:
Martha Stewart's last-ditch bid to get the most serious charges against her thrown out was denied yesterday by a federal judge - most definitely a bad thing for the domestic diva.
_________________________
The Kansas City Star
March 17, 2004, Wednesday
HEADLINE: No matter where, prison is not a good thing
BYLINE: By Lisa Gutierrez
_______________
WASHINGTON POST
3/16
Note: I'm sorry I replied to almost none of the e-mails you sent about last week's Martha Stewart column. As Stewart might have said, that's not a good thing. But I got more than 400 e-mails, far too many for me to even begin to answer.
BYLINE: Allan Sloan
________
Time Magazine
March 15, 2004,
2649 words,
Not A Good Thing For Martha; A LIE TURNED HER INTO A CONVICTED FELON. HOW A WOMAN KNOWN FOR PERFECTION MADE MISTAKES AT ALMOST EVERY TURN, Daniel Kadlec , With reporting by Simon Crittle, Barbara Kiviat, Julie Rawe and Dody Tsiantar/New York
____________
Hamilton Spectator (Ontario, Canada)
March 13, 2004
When Martha Stewart left the courtroom after ...
... accountable to the empire she built and that's not a good thing.
______________________
Copyright 2004 Bangor Daily News
Bangor Daily News (Maine)
March 11, 2004 Thursday
HEADLINE: Man smiles at Stewart conviction
BYLINE: TOM WEBER
BODY:
Dick Anderson of Ellsworth doesn't care much for the woman, either, for reasons that set him apart from your average American Martha-basher. He met her only once, by chance, and it was definitely not a good thing.
COLUMBUS DISPATCH 3/17
"...home diva Martha Stewart, who also dabbled in kid's recipes in her magazine and on her TV show, no one thinks this trend is a bad thing."
"Come to think of it, maybe "not faking it" is a Good Thing. Especially when testifying in federal court."
--------------
"I hereby nominate Oprah for Goddess of Goods. She has superb taste, she owns lots of stuff and likes to give it away, and she'd have the good sense to say, "You know what? I did a Bad Thing and I'm sorry." Mary Hanna is a freelance writer who lives and creates tasteful centerpieces in San Carlos. She can be reached at mary@willwriteforfood.org .Copyright 2004 MediaNews Group, Inc. and ANG Newspapers
Alameda Times-Star (Alameda, CA)
"Whatever our visceral response to Martha Stewart, code for I'm-perfect-and-you're-not, it seems clear that her prosecution was mostly a show. Yes, yes and yes, she did a bad thing. But cutting along the bias, government prosecutors went after her because she's a celebrity." KATHLEEN PARKER
_________________________________
The New York Times
March 15, 2004, Monday, Late Edition - Final
SECTION: Section A; Page 20; Column 4; Editorial Desk
To the Editor:
Verlyn Klinkenborg's March 12 Editorial Observer about Martha Stewart reminds us only that her prosecution was a bad thing.
____________________
Chicago Tribune
March 14, 2004 Sunday
HEADLINE: Stewart trial: A good thing
BYLINE: By Greg Burns, Tribune senior correspondent.
For the perfectionist homemaker, no doubt, the trial was a very bad thing indeed--but not because of her legal defense.
________________
Leave it to reader David Belous, who remembers the details of the story, to find a lesson with specific San Antonio relevance in Stewart's downfall.
"The moral of Martha's trial is simple," he wrote.
"Never make stock deals while sitting on an airplane in San Antonio. It's a bad thing."
Susan Yerkes' column appears Wednesdays and Sundays in S.A. Life. Got a hot tip? Call her at (210) 250-3542, or e-mail syerkes@express-news.net. Cheers!
_____________________________________
_____________________
Copyright 2004 Daily News, L.P.
Daily News (New York)
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: 'DISHONESTY BOTHERS ME A LOT'
BYLINE: By DAVE GOLDINER DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
BODY:
Long before Martha Stewart was tried and convicted of deceiving federal authorities, the domestic diva put dishonesty at the top of her list of very, very bad things.
_____________________
The New York Post
March 10, 2004 Wednesday
news -- caption:
A BAD THING
Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia: Close: $9.55 (-35 cents)
___________________
The Boston Herald
March 9, 2004 Tuesday
HEADLINE: CLEANING UP MARTHA'S MESS; Show dumped, company may drop diva's name
BYLINE: By GREG GATLIN
There were more bad things than good things yesterday for Martha Stewart.
_____________________
The Cincinnati Enquirer
March 9, 2004 Tuesday Final Edition
SECTION: EDITORIAL; Editorial; Pg. 6C
LENGTH: 392 words
HEADLINE: Editorial
BYLINE: STAFF
BODY:
Hey, Martha: Greed is a bad thing. The downfall of better-living guru Martha Stewart is neither cause for gloating nor outrage.
__________________________________
The Marshfield News (Marshfield, WI)
March 9, 2004 Tuesday
HEADLINE: Practice truth
BYLINE: Staff
[S]he's heading someplace where stripes are in this season.
In Latin, the word is veritas.
Veritas, veritas, veritas.
Truth, truth, truth.
Its absence is a very bad thing.
_______________________________
Washington Times
3/9/04
BYLINE: Wesley Pruden
Martha Stewart's transgressions were more sins than crimes, and learning a little humility is never a bad thing.
Wesley Pruden is editor in chief of The Washington Times.
_____________________________
The Boston Herald
March 8, 2004 Monday
HEADLINE: PR needs put Martha on the scale
BYLINE: By Cosmo MACERO, Jr.
Martha Stewart's glistening image has been off the charts in America for more than 20 years. Now it's heading off the scale. Susan Tellem's scale. And unfortunately, that's a very bad thing.
Send e-mail to: cosmo@bostonherald.com.
_______________________________
Corpus Christi Caller-Times (Texas)
March 8, 2004, Monday
HEADLINE: The queen of gracious living erred, but . . .
BYLINE: Brooks Peterson
So . . . why am I not rejoicing at the prospect of Martha Stewart being carted off to the pen? (Theoretically, she could be sentenced to 20 years; however, a much shorter term, perhaps a year, seems likely.) Yes, she did a Bad Thing. And, no, high-profile, wildly successful individuals are not entitled to special handling by The System. But.
____________________
Daily News (New York)
March 8, 2004 Monday
HEADLINE: COMPANY MAY DISOWN HER
BYLINE: By NANCY DILLON in Westport, Conn. and DAVE GOLDINER in New York DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITERS
Martha Stewart is looking at another very, very bad day.
The board of Stewart's company could officially strip her name today from the empire she created, and the tastemaker will take the first concrete steps towards her future life as a federal prison inmate..."They'll have to address the fact that the founder's name is now associated with doing a very bad thing," said Paul Lapides, a corporate governance expert at Kennesaw State University in Georgia.
____________________
University Wire
March 8, 2004 Monday
HEADLINE: Martha Stewart's demise is her best gift idea yet
BYLINE: By Tony Burchyns, The News Record; SOURCE: U. Cincinnati
After she was caught, she lied about it.
Conceit: it's a bad thing.
Stewart could get more than a year of jail time and hefty fines, legal experts have told the press.
____________________________
Palm Beach Post (Florida)
March 7, 2004 Sunday
HEADLINE: WE LOVED SEEING HER FALL - AND THAT'S A BAD THING
BYLINE: By NICOLE PISCOPO NEAL Palm Beach Post Staff Writer
______________________________________________________________
Deseret Morning News (Salt Lake City)
March 6, 2004 Saturday
HEADLINE: Martha devotees will craft new plans
BYLINE: Laura Warner and Rodger L. Hardy Deseret Morning News
BODY: Even when bad things happen to Martha Stewart, the Good Things Group continues to support the domestic diva.
_______________________
Hartford Courant (Connecticut)
March 6, 2004 Saturday
HEADLINE: MEDIA MAKE THE MOST OF MARTHA
BYLINE: TARA WEISS And JOHN JURGENSEN; Courant Staff Writer
BODY:
Even after all the hype surrounding the Martha Stewart trial, the jury's guilty verdict was still stunning -- and certain media outlets couldn't have enjoyed it more.
"It's a bad thing! Martha convicted," read the New York Daily News.
_________________________________
The New York Post
March 6, 2004 Saturday
HEADLINE: CONVICTION A VERY BAD THING FOR KMART
BYLINE: SUZANNE KAPNER
___________________________
The New York Sun
February 25, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: A 'Little People' View Of Martha Stewart Trial
BYLINE: ALICIA COLON
BODY:
She's also being charged with misleading public comments she made regarding the federal investigation into that sale. The feds say that she did that to protect the stock price of her own company, Martha Stewart Omnimedia. And that's a bad thing?
____________
Daily News (New York)
February 12, 2004 Thursday
HEADLINE: TWISTED TALES OF MARTHA SALE
BYLINE: By GREG B. SMITH DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
BODY:
The contradicting stories follow devastating testimony from two underlings - Bacanovic's assistant and Stewart's assistant - that so far has made the trial a very bad thing for Martha.
____
ny post
2/12/04
GRAPHIC: A BAD THING: Martha Stewart arrives yesterday at the Manhattan federal courthouse, where she heard her trusted assistant deliver potentially devastating testimony.
__________
Daily News (New York)
February 4, 2004 Wednesday
HEADLINE: WITNESS: AFTER BROKER GOT TIP, HE TOLD ME...'OH MY GOD! GET MARTHA ON THE PHONE!'
BYLINE: By GREG B. SMITH DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
BODY:
Douglas Faneuil, the 28-year-old ex-Merrill Lynch client assistant turned FBI witness, offered the first direct testimony about the ImClone Systems Inc. stock trade that has proved to be a very bad thing for Stewart.
____________
Wilkes Barre Times Leader
January 23, 2004 Friday
HEADLINE: Will trial forever brand Martha a liability? Will trial brand Martha 'a bad thing?'
________________
The Houston Chronicle
January 07, 2004, Wednesday
Martha is on trial for corruption. That is:
A) A good thing
B) A bad thing
C) I can't answer now; I want to focus on my salad.
_________
Copyright 2003 Woodward Communications, Inc.
December 31, 2003 Wednesday
SECTION: Opinion; Pg. a4
LENGTH: 413 words
HEADLINE: 2003 showed another side of high and mighty ; Sometimes it was tough to tell which was scarier - real life or reality TV
BYLINE: TELEGRAPH HERALD EDITORIAL
BODY:
In June the goddess of good taste, Martha Stewart, was indicted in an insider trading scandal that could land her behind bars...
What will 2004 hold? Will Clay Aiken actually become Barry Manilow (only without all the talent)? Will parents continue to let their children go for sleepovers at the Neverland Ranch? Will Jen and Ben wed? Will anyone care?
Oh, the memories. There will never be another year like 2003. That is not such a bad thing.
______________________________
Daily News (New York)
November 19, 2003, Wednesday
HEADLINE: JUDGE LETS MARTHA STEW IN FRAUD TRIAL
BYLINE: By GREG B. SMITH DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
BODY:
Martha Stewart's last-ditch bid to get the most serious charges against her thrown out was denied yesterday by a federal judge - most definitely a bad thing for the domestic diva.
_________________________
The Kansas City Star
March 17, 2004, Wednesday
HEADLINE: No matter where, prison is not a good thing
BYLINE: By Lisa Gutierrez
_______________
WASHINGTON POST
3/16
Note: I'm sorry I replied to almost none of the e-mails you sent about last week's Martha Stewart column. As Stewart might have said, that's not a good thing. But I got more than 400 e-mails, far too many for me to even begin to answer.
BYLINE: Allan Sloan
________
Time Magazine
March 15, 2004,
2649 words,
Not A Good Thing For Martha; A LIE TURNED HER INTO A CONVICTED FELON. HOW A WOMAN KNOWN FOR PERFECTION MADE MISTAKES AT ALMOST EVERY TURN, Daniel Kadlec , With reporting by Simon Crittle, Barbara Kiviat, Julie Rawe and Dody Tsiantar/New York
____________
Hamilton Spectator (Ontario, Canada)
March 13, 2004
When Martha Stewart left the courtroom after ...
... accountable to the empire she built and that's not a good thing.
______________________
Copyright 2004 Bangor Daily News
Bangor Daily News (Maine)
March 11, 2004 Thursday
HEADLINE: Man smiles at Stewart conviction
BYLINE: TOM WEBER
BODY:
Dick Anderson of Ellsworth doesn't care much for the woman, either, for reasons that set him apart from your average American Martha-basher. He met her only once, by chance, and it was definitely not a good thing.
Un-bitching about Howard Stern
Okay. Sorry I griped about Howard Stern and his decades long quest to describe over the radio waves how SEXY dumb chicks with too much self tanner on are to serial beat-offs across the land. David Day of Forced Exposure sent out an email on Friday that included a bit of Howard's recent rants:
Chatter on the 911truthalliance list reports that Howard Stern has been asking 9/11 questions on the air. A survey of the daily summaries for last week's shows posted to Mark's Friggin Dot Com (daily update of what Howard talks about) reveals this to indeed be the case:
Howard's FCC Inside Information. 03/08/04. 6:00am
He talked about how Bush was down in Florida reading to children when all of the 9/11 stuff was going on. Even after he was informed about what was going on he continued to read to the children and didn't bother to go find out more about what was going on. Howard and Robin pointed out how Bush got on Air Force One and just flew around after that all went down. Howard continued to point out stuff that's been happening in this country since Bush has been in office.
E-mail, Phone Calls And More. 03/09/04. 6:40am
Howard talked about President Bush a little more after that. He was pointing out some of the odd stuff Bush did after the 9/11 attacks. He said that Bush made sure that they got the bin Laden family members out of New York after the attacks for some reason. He and Artie goofed around with that for a couple of minutes.
Howard Breaks His Silence. 03/12/04. 7:10am
Howard pointed out that the first thing George W Bush did after the 9/11 attacks was get Osama bin Laden's family out of this country. Howard sid it's time to start reading about this stuff and find out what this guy is really up to.
Chatter on the 911truthalliance list reports that Howard Stern has been asking 9/11 questions on the air. A survey of the daily summaries for last week's shows posted to Mark's Friggin Dot Com (daily update of what Howard talks about) reveals this to indeed be the case:
Howard's FCC Inside Information. 03/08/04. 6:00am
He talked about how Bush was down in Florida reading to children when all of the 9/11 stuff was going on. Even after he was informed about what was going on he continued to read to the children and didn't bother to go find out more about what was going on. Howard and Robin pointed out how Bush got on Air Force One and just flew around after that all went down. Howard continued to point out stuff that's been happening in this country since Bush has been in office.
E-mail, Phone Calls And More. 03/09/04. 6:40am
Howard talked about President Bush a little more after that. He was pointing out some of the odd stuff Bush did after the 9/11 attacks. He said that Bush made sure that they got the bin Laden family members out of New York after the attacks for some reason. He and Artie goofed around with that for a couple of minutes.
Howard Breaks His Silence. 03/12/04. 7:10am
Howard pointed out that the first thing George W Bush did after the 9/11 attacks was get Osama bin Laden's family out of this country. Howard sid it's time to start reading about this stuff and find out what this guy is really up to.
Christgau on Joss Stone
Sometimes, once in a blue moon, Christgau gets it right, and in such a way you wish he were that articulate all the time.
His brilliant Joshes in Music column last fall effectively killed the one I was working on (hence the "brilliant"). I mean Rouse, Kelley, Ritter, etc. There's like 4,933 of them.
I'm not a Christgau hater, by the way, I just wish he wouldn't bother reviewing stuff that came out in August of 2002, donating a sentence or two to a bad Sugar Ray record 17 months after the fact helps no one. It just says, "I get a lot of music. Bear with me." Consumers aren't gonna wait that long, Bob.
STILL, this is a gem from last week's Village Voice:
Dud of the Month
JOSS STONE
The Soul Sessions
(S-Curve)
Sounds like a well-brought-up twentysomething with a sharp band who writes forgettable originals and smothers covers in irrelevant shows of emotion, as on the endless and supposedly climactic Isleys' chestnut "For the Love of You." But as we all now know, there's a backstory. Band, check—Miami legends like Little Beaver and Timmy Thomas, with Miami legend Betty Wright calling the shots. But Stone isn't from Florida, she's from England, and the forgettables are covers too—the kind of soul marginalia Brits have been overrating since Doris Troy was on Apple. She's only 16, which explains the failed climax. And upon reflection she's not so well brought up, else why trade in Aretha's distinct melody for "All the King's Horses" on soul clichés? Norah Jones is herself, give her that. I hate to think what this phenom will have to go through to get that far. C PLUS
His brilliant Joshes in Music column last fall effectively killed the one I was working on (hence the "brilliant"). I mean Rouse, Kelley, Ritter, etc. There's like 4,933 of them.
I'm not a Christgau hater, by the way, I just wish he wouldn't bother reviewing stuff that came out in August of 2002, donating a sentence or two to a bad Sugar Ray record 17 months after the fact helps no one. It just says, "I get a lot of music. Bear with me." Consumers aren't gonna wait that long, Bob.
STILL, this is a gem from last week's Village Voice:
Dud of the Month
JOSS STONE
The Soul Sessions
(S-Curve)
Sounds like a well-brought-up twentysomething with a sharp band who writes forgettable originals and smothers covers in irrelevant shows of emotion, as on the endless and supposedly climactic Isleys' chestnut "For the Love of You." But as we all now know, there's a backstory. Band, check—Miami legends like Little Beaver and Timmy Thomas, with Miami legend Betty Wright calling the shots. But Stone isn't from Florida, she's from England, and the forgettables are covers too—the kind of soul marginalia Brits have been overrating since Doris Troy was on Apple. She's only 16, which explains the failed climax. And upon reflection she's not so well brought up, else why trade in Aretha's distinct melody for "All the King's Horses" on soul clichés? Norah Jones is herself, give her that. I hate to think what this phenom will have to go through to get that far. C PLUS
3/19/2004
On Wisconsin
The first story that has made any sense in a long time. WI Gov. Jim Doyle shows some cojones and stands up to the Feds.
Courtney Love, Andrea Peyser. TOUGH LOVE
If you pick-up an actual copy of today's NY Post, you'll see that Andrea Peyser has secured herself a makeover.
OLD LOOK
Because I don't have the time + brain power + hosting energy to scan in the new one, you'll have to buy the paper and read her Courtney screed. It's the same jabbering. Unless the woman is a mobster, Leona Helmsley, or herself, Peyser hates her guts or else offers some condescending advice about bootstraps and pulling yourself up by them. Tough Love.
Peyser's new look has even given her the confidence to proclaim that she works out!!! And listens to "Live Through This" whilst on the treadmill!!!!! Sounds like a Lifetime movie to me. Speaking of which, her new mug shot resembles Loretta Swit from this movie only yet again, I can't find a still from it, so imagine this with a brunette wig. There. I've killed a whole fucking hour hunting around for this crap and my computer died twice.
In other news, I went to see Courtney last night at the Bowery Ballroom and find it remarkable how much I hate/ loath/despise her until she performs, then it is oddly charming. She is slurringly lucid at times. She is also her own worst enemy. But, I always root for the underdog and clearly at this point, she is on a raft in the Black Sea in a hurricane with only a stale Zagnut and a broken umbrella.
p.s. I hope her kid has at least one minute of peace in her life.
OLD LOOK
Because I don't have the time + brain power + hosting energy to scan in the new one, you'll have to buy the paper and read her Courtney screed. It's the same jabbering. Unless the woman is a mobster, Leona Helmsley, or herself, Peyser hates her guts or else offers some condescending advice about bootstraps and pulling yourself up by them. Tough Love.
Peyser's new look has even given her the confidence to proclaim that she works out!!! And listens to "Live Through This" whilst on the treadmill!!!!! Sounds like a Lifetime movie to me. Speaking of which, her new mug shot resembles Loretta Swit from this movie only yet again, I can't find a still from it, so imagine this with a brunette wig. There. I've killed a whole fucking hour hunting around for this crap and my computer died twice.
In other news, I went to see Courtney last night at the Bowery Ballroom and find it remarkable how much I hate/ loath/despise her until she performs, then it is oddly charming. She is slurringly lucid at times. She is also her own worst enemy. But, I always root for the underdog and clearly at this point, she is on a raft in the Black Sea in a hurricane with only a stale Zagnut and a broken umbrella.
p.s. I hope her kid has at least one minute of peace in her life.
3/18/2004
Sports Update II
Sports Update
Jim Cheney is still working his magic, though I wish he would have touched upon Billy Packer's insistence on using the term "Basketball I.Q" throughout the Wisconsin vs. Illinois telecast last Sunday. He could barely sustain his glee in having coined the term. He did coin it, right? Or did someone like Tim McCarver invent it for baseball and Packer merely co-opted it? What I'd want is someone with a fucking good "real life I.Q." on my team.
Sometimes when I am up late at night, tossing and turning in my own filth, a memory of McCarver's nasally-know it all voice saying a name like "Contreras" or "Soriano," repeatedly chiming in my head, almost makes me reach for a steak knife to plunge into one of my own vital organs. That's my cross to bear.
Sometimes when I am up late at night, tossing and turning in my own filth, a memory of McCarver's nasally-know it all voice saying a name like "Contreras" or "Soriano," repeatedly chiming in my head, almost makes me reach for a steak knife to plunge into one of my own vital organs. That's my cross to bear.
3/17/2004
Beta Band 2-night NYC
BETA BAND DJ PARTY
Wednesday March 17, 2004
Doors: 11 PM
Suite 16
127 8th Ave @ 16th Street, Phone: 212-627-1680
Beta Band DJ set: 11:30 PM
Open bar: 12 - 1 AM (vodka drinks & beer)
plus: is COURTNEY LOVE doing a secret show at PLAID tonight???MAYBE?
Wednesday March 17, 2004
Doors: 11 PM
Suite 16
127 8th Ave @ 16th Street, Phone: 212-627-1680
Beta Band DJ set: 11:30 PM
Open bar: 12 - 1 AM (vodka drinks & beer)
plus: is COURTNEY LOVE doing a secret show at PLAID tonight???MAYBE?
Prez Moolah. (donations from nyc's rich bastards)
Henry Waxman Launches Magazine about Shopping!!!!!
The real tale of Bonnie Prince Billy
3/16/2004
Just cutting and pasting here, people
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE, March 16, 2004
Sonic Nurse coming June 2004!
"the world’s greatest punk rock jam band, AND MORE!" - SPIN, The 50 Greatest Bands Of All Time
SONIC YOUTH
Sonic Nurse
To be released June 8, 2004 on Geffen Records
kim gordon : guitar/bass/vocals
thurston moore : guitar/ vocals
lee ranaldo : guitar/ vocals
steve shelley : drums
jim o’rouke : good times
*After a solid twenty-three years of explosive creativity Sonic Youth throws down what may be their heaviest classic since their own genre-breaking Daydream Nation in 1988.
*Sonic Nurse is the nineteenth long player by the New York City supernova, together since 1981.
*Ten songs of American beauty and sonic death with wild and colorful cover art by renowned artist Richard Prince from his notorious Nurse Paintings series.
*Check out the first track, ‘Pattern Recognition’, and hear Kim Gordon take Justin Timberlake’s hand and stick it in a tendon-shredding meat grinder.
*Hear Sonic Youth gay marriage the hell out of religious zealot war pigs Cheney, Rumsfeld, Bush and Ashcroft with the meditative “Peace Attack”.
*Heading to Texas now to bring you their new tunes!
March 16th Austin, TX Stubbs March 17th Houston, TX Club V March 18th Dallas, TX Gypsy Tea Room
*Appearing at the ‘No Fun Fest’ in Brooklyn, NY March 19th – 21st
*After curating the first stateside ‘All Tomorrow’s Parties’ festival in L.A. in the Spring of 2002, Sonic Youth has been invited to perform at the 2004 festivities in East Sussex, UK on April 3rd, 2004!
* * *
Sonic Nurse coming June 2004!
"the world’s greatest punk rock jam band, AND MORE!" - SPIN, The 50 Greatest Bands Of All Time
SONIC YOUTH
Sonic Nurse
To be released June 8, 2004 on Geffen Records
kim gordon : guitar/bass/vocals
thurston moore : guitar/ vocals
lee ranaldo : guitar/ vocals
steve shelley : drums
jim o’rouke : good times
*After a solid twenty-three years of explosive creativity Sonic Youth throws down what may be their heaviest classic since their own genre-breaking Daydream Nation in 1988.
*Sonic Nurse is the nineteenth long player by the New York City supernova, together since 1981.
*Ten songs of American beauty and sonic death with wild and colorful cover art by renowned artist Richard Prince from his notorious Nurse Paintings series.
*Check out the first track, ‘Pattern Recognition’, and hear Kim Gordon take Justin Timberlake’s hand and stick it in a tendon-shredding meat grinder.
*Hear Sonic Youth gay marriage the hell out of religious zealot war pigs Cheney, Rumsfeld, Bush and Ashcroft with the meditative “Peace Attack”.
*Heading to Texas now to bring you their new tunes!
March 16th Austin, TX Stubbs March 17th Houston, TX Club V March 18th Dallas, TX Gypsy Tea Room
*Appearing at the ‘No Fun Fest’ in Brooklyn, NY March 19th – 21st
*After curating the first stateside ‘All Tomorrow’s Parties’ festival in L.A. in the Spring of 2002, Sonic Youth has been invited to perform at the 2004 festivities in East Sussex, UK on April 3rd, 2004!
* * *
I'm siding with the Unabomber
99 Problems but getting my leg lengthened via surgery like Rivers Cuomo did ain't one.
3/15/2004
More Thurman Munson-related Fiction, etc..
THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH
A Play in One Act
by Andrew Day
CHARACTERS
DAVE
A recent graduate of a high school in a middle-class Cleveland suburb, who, not long after getting his diploma, learned that, due most likely to middling grades and indifferent recommendations, and despite impressive SAT scores, he had not been accepted to NYU, and that moreover, his parents had decided not to fund his Plan B—-to move to New York City with the other members of his funk-rock band, so they could make it big—-to which twin disappointments he responded, following a few days of apparent calm, by cracking up, and smashing some things, which led to a brief hospital stay, and, on his release, to a court-appointed therapist recommending that he reexamine himself in earnest, especially certain parts of himself whose existence he had too long denied, and that he also come to terms with the whole living-in-Ohio thing, since that’s what he’d be doing, at his parents’ place, in his old room, under close supervision, for at least the next couple years, desperate though he was to get away and never look back.
Wearing cutoffs and a tight black Parliament t-shirt with the sleeves cut off.
Longish light-brown hair, permed.
Sweating.
TIM
Child of Manhattanites who’d moved to the Rust Belt for some reason they could no longer remember, aspiring writer, or maybe poet, or maybe composer, self-described outsider, and DAVE’s longtime best friend, owing to his willingness, over the years, to tolerate DAVE’s occasionally peculiar manner, and go along with most of DAVE’s odd schemes for having fun, the lone significant exception coming one night a couple months back, when they were at a friend’s graduation party, by the keg, next to the above-ground pool, and DAVE suggested that starting in the fall, when TIM would be a freshman at Columbia, he could, on a regular basis—-say, once a month or so—-put up DAVE, and on occasion the other members of DAVE’s band, in his dorm room, which would be a total blast, to which suggestion, thinking as he had been about the need to put some limits on their friendship, he responded, “Umm... I dunno,” causing DAVE, who was already on edge, having so recently been rejected by NYU, a school whose main selling point was its nigh-perfect location, not only in New York City, but a short subway trip from Columbia, to freak out on him, and smash aforementioned things, including his right cheekbone, and then disappear basically, until today, when, having apparently taken to heart the court-appointed therapist’s words about the importance to a healthy recovery of reestablishing critical friendships on a new basis, and having heard on the radio about the death, that afternoon, in a plane crash at a nearby airport, of New York Yankees catcher and fellow Ohioan THURMAN MUNSON, DAVE called him up and said, “Tim—-Dude—-we gotta go check this out,” a suggestion he found odd, but agreed to, in light not only of this being a lazy day with nothing doing, but also of DAVE’s condition, and of a strong, if, he realized, illogical feeling that he was somehow responsible for it.
Wearing jeans and a loose white t-shirt.
Longish blond hair, straight.
Cheekbone healed, if still a bit sore.
Sweating.
COP
A cop.
Sweating.
SETTING
DAVE and TIM, in DAVE’s Camaro, with the windows down and the tape deck playing “Move on Up,” have just pulled up to a police roadblock near the Akron-Canton Airport.
The smoking wreckage of a Cessna is visible several hundred feet in the distance.
It is sunny, hot, and disgustingly humid.
TIME
Late afternoon, August 2, 1979.
ACT I
SCENE 1
(As COP approaches the Camaro, DAVE and TIM are just breaking a long silence, one brought on by DAVE saying that, fuck his dickhead doctor, he was gonna visit TIM in New York in September, to which TIM responded by struggling to think of a graceful way to change the subject, and then, a good five minutes later, by mumbling that from what was on the radio, it seems like MUNSON was landing when the Cessna went down, to which DAVE replied, his voice rising to a shout as his face went red, that fucking MUNSON was taking off, which shows to go you that trying to escape this hellhole, it’s a motherfu——)
COP
Get outta here.
(DAVE bites his lip, and looks up at COP.)
(Pause.)
DAVE
Officer, we need to—-
COP
Turn around.
DAVE
We—-
COP
You got some connection, family or something?
TIM
Dave, c’mon, we don’t really need—-
(DAVE sets his right hand on TIM’s left knee.)
(TIM looks down at DAVE’s hand.)
(Pause.)
COP
Christ.
(TIM continues to look down at DAVE’s hand.)
DAVE
My friend is thinking about moving to New York, and I just figured he should see how that can really, you know...
(COP rolls his eyes and turns around.)
COP
(Walking away)
No.
- THE END –
A Play in One Act
by Andrew Day
CHARACTERS
DAVE
A recent graduate of a high school in a middle-class Cleveland suburb, who, not long after getting his diploma, learned that, due most likely to middling grades and indifferent recommendations, and despite impressive SAT scores, he had not been accepted to NYU, and that moreover, his parents had decided not to fund his Plan B—-to move to New York City with the other members of his funk-rock band, so they could make it big—-to which twin disappointments he responded, following a few days of apparent calm, by cracking up, and smashing some things, which led to a brief hospital stay, and, on his release, to a court-appointed therapist recommending that he reexamine himself in earnest, especially certain parts of himself whose existence he had too long denied, and that he also come to terms with the whole living-in-Ohio thing, since that’s what he’d be doing, at his parents’ place, in his old room, under close supervision, for at least the next couple years, desperate though he was to get away and never look back.
Wearing cutoffs and a tight black Parliament t-shirt with the sleeves cut off.
Longish light-brown hair, permed.
Sweating.
TIM
Child of Manhattanites who’d moved to the Rust Belt for some reason they could no longer remember, aspiring writer, or maybe poet, or maybe composer, self-described outsider, and DAVE’s longtime best friend, owing to his willingness, over the years, to tolerate DAVE’s occasionally peculiar manner, and go along with most of DAVE’s odd schemes for having fun, the lone significant exception coming one night a couple months back, when they were at a friend’s graduation party, by the keg, next to the above-ground pool, and DAVE suggested that starting in the fall, when TIM would be a freshman at Columbia, he could, on a regular basis—-say, once a month or so—-put up DAVE, and on occasion the other members of DAVE’s band, in his dorm room, which would be a total blast, to which suggestion, thinking as he had been about the need to put some limits on their friendship, he responded, “Umm... I dunno,” causing DAVE, who was already on edge, having so recently been rejected by NYU, a school whose main selling point was its nigh-perfect location, not only in New York City, but a short subway trip from Columbia, to freak out on him, and smash aforementioned things, including his right cheekbone, and then disappear basically, until today, when, having apparently taken to heart the court-appointed therapist’s words about the importance to a healthy recovery of reestablishing critical friendships on a new basis, and having heard on the radio about the death, that afternoon, in a plane crash at a nearby airport, of New York Yankees catcher and fellow Ohioan THURMAN MUNSON, DAVE called him up and said, “Tim—-Dude—-we gotta go check this out,” a suggestion he found odd, but agreed to, in light not only of this being a lazy day with nothing doing, but also of DAVE’s condition, and of a strong, if, he realized, illogical feeling that he was somehow responsible for it.
Wearing jeans and a loose white t-shirt.
Longish blond hair, straight.
Cheekbone healed, if still a bit sore.
Sweating.
COP
A cop.
Sweating.
SETTING
DAVE and TIM, in DAVE’s Camaro, with the windows down and the tape deck playing “Move on Up,” have just pulled up to a police roadblock near the Akron-Canton Airport.
The smoking wreckage of a Cessna is visible several hundred feet in the distance.
It is sunny, hot, and disgustingly humid.
TIME
Late afternoon, August 2, 1979.
ACT I
SCENE 1
(As COP approaches the Camaro, DAVE and TIM are just breaking a long silence, one brought on by DAVE saying that, fuck his dickhead doctor, he was gonna visit TIM in New York in September, to which TIM responded by struggling to think of a graceful way to change the subject, and then, a good five minutes later, by mumbling that from what was on the radio, it seems like MUNSON was landing when the Cessna went down, to which DAVE replied, his voice rising to a shout as his face went red, that fucking MUNSON was taking off, which shows to go you that trying to escape this hellhole, it’s a motherfu——)
COP
Get outta here.
(DAVE bites his lip, and looks up at COP.)
(Pause.)
DAVE
Officer, we need to—-
COP
Turn around.
DAVE
We—-
COP
You got some connection, family or something?
TIM
Dave, c’mon, we don’t really need—-
(DAVE sets his right hand on TIM’s left knee.)
(TIM looks down at DAVE’s hand.)
(Pause.)
COP
Christ.
(TIM continues to look down at DAVE’s hand.)
DAVE
My friend is thinking about moving to New York, and I just figured he should see how that can really, you know...
(COP rolls his eyes and turns around.)
COP
(Walking away)
No.
- THE END –
3/14/2004
Walking Tall
I had the pleasure today of seeing Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's mug on the side of a phone booth advertising a "new" movie called "Walking Tall." A little research indicates it is a loose remake of the 1973 classic starring Joe Don Baker as Buford Pusser. Naturally, a name like Buford Pusser didn't test well in focus groups this time around, so the Rock's tough guy character is named "Chris."
Basically our culture has one move left, and we're quite good at it: We take an original turd and deep-fry it like a churro and present it to people who were born in 1986 or later, and hope they gobble it up. Walking Tall????? We didn't get this out of our system 31 years ago? Or is it such a classic fable that we need to reintroduce it every generation or so? People have bitched about Starsky & Hutch, and the cynicism inherent in relying on 70's & 80's as a kitschy punchline, and that may be true, but for as lame as that is--doing it with a straight face is even lamer. Johnny Knoxville makes an appearance, validating my opinion that he'll do anything to be loved. Fuck you Knoxville. Go eat bugs.
Same to Howard Stern, too. Sorry they're coming down on you, but don't use it as an excuse to quit. Your material is tired. Admit it. You've got like 348 million dollars, so hang it up with out all the caterwaulling. Really. You're a radio guy, not some Boston Tea Party free-thinker. Goombas like your shit. People who save up once a year to get some stepped-on coke and try to get Richie Sambora's tailor to get 'em into the Bon Jovi stop out at the Meadowlands worship you. Get over it...I did, however, like it when you said recently that young men think Jay Leno is gay. He is gay. Gay for pay. Gay--not sexually--but gay in the egg-salad sandwich sort of way. The fact that he opened up for Rashaan Roland Kirk in the old days can't save him.
P.S. The Blue Man Group are performing at halftime of the Illinois vs. Wisconsin game. They're the worst thing in this whole post.
The best summary of all of this angst could best be viewed on a DVD done by this guy from Canada. It's called TV Carnage it played Friday at the NYUFF. Hilarious. This dude basically edits together the worst, worst, worst things that have ever appeared on TV. Totally insane moments. You will think you're stoned when you're done. That's how hard you'll laugh.
Basically our culture has one move left, and we're quite good at it: We take an original turd and deep-fry it like a churro and present it to people who were born in 1986 or later, and hope they gobble it up. Walking Tall????? We didn't get this out of our system 31 years ago? Or is it such a classic fable that we need to reintroduce it every generation or so? People have bitched about Starsky & Hutch, and the cynicism inherent in relying on 70's & 80's as a kitschy punchline, and that may be true, but for as lame as that is--doing it with a straight face is even lamer. Johnny Knoxville makes an appearance, validating my opinion that he'll do anything to be loved. Fuck you Knoxville. Go eat bugs.
Same to Howard Stern, too. Sorry they're coming down on you, but don't use it as an excuse to quit. Your material is tired. Admit it. You've got like 348 million dollars, so hang it up with out all the caterwaulling. Really. You're a radio guy, not some Boston Tea Party free-thinker. Goombas like your shit. People who save up once a year to get some stepped-on coke and try to get Richie Sambora's tailor to get 'em into the Bon Jovi stop out at the Meadowlands worship you. Get over it...I did, however, like it when you said recently that young men think Jay Leno is gay. He is gay. Gay for pay. Gay--not sexually--but gay in the egg-salad sandwich sort of way. The fact that he opened up for Rashaan Roland Kirk in the old days can't save him.
P.S. The Blue Man Group are performing at halftime of the Illinois vs. Wisconsin game. They're the worst thing in this whole post.
The best summary of all of this angst could best be viewed on a DVD done by this guy from Canada. It's called TV Carnage it played Friday at the NYUFF. Hilarious. This dude basically edits together the worst, worst, worst things that have ever appeared on TV. Totally insane moments. You will think you're stoned when you're done. That's how hard you'll laugh.
3/12/2004
Baseball 2004
The Thurman Munson/Sam Lipsyte contest is still brewing. (scroll way down for details) Entries will be posted soon.
We ask you today to purchase Sam's book AND also for your weekend enjoyment, pick up Gary Lutz's collection of short stories I Looked Alive. They're mind-blowing.
This week I've also had the pleasure of tuning into the upcoming David Cross cd that Sub Pop is putting out in May. It's called It's Not Funny. I really love it and I love him. By the time he closes, with a confrontation with Creed's Scott Stapp, you'll have soiled your undergarments and those of your neighbor. I will try to start posting Mp3s and stuff soon. Soon meaning 2014.
Today we're graced with Hua Hsu's baseball predictions for 2004. Later next week we'll get to his Munson story. He's a great writer and I'm thankful for his contribution...
BASEBALL 2004 Predictions
by Hua Hsu
There are few known quantities in baseball. All we know is that someone will mutter, "That's why they play the games" when too many stats are tossed around.
I am quite sure that somewhere out there, Ozzie Canseco is trying to pass himself off as Jose in order to get a girl's number.
We are practically certain that closers who have mustaches fare much better than those who don't. This was practically science up until the mid-1990s. As of 2000, 16 of the top 20 save artists of all-time boasted a mustache of some sort. By mustache, I'm also talking about goatees, glasses and submarine delivery. In the mid-1990s, grunge brought us the goatee and I always thought Kerry Lightenberg of the Braves would go down as one of the all-time greats, since he had a wiry, post-Rollie Fingers chinstrap thing going. But think about it--Robb "studda step" Nen was an All-Star; he shaved his face clean and next thing you know he's scuttling to the DL.
Fingers was once offered a spot with the Reds on the condition he shaved; he politely turned them down, knowing that clean-shaven-ness is a stopper's kryptonite. In the ‘00s, perhaps baldness, lefthandedness or the babyface will become the new mustache. But I'm not a prognosticator.
I know America is a post-multicultural society, so I'm quite sure that Eurocentric nicknames like Al "The Mad Hungarian" Hrabosky won't fly nowadays.
I know that Darryl Strawberry's record with U.T.F.O. is better than Ken Griffey Jr.'s guest verse on the Kid Sensation record, even if I've never heard either one.
I swear I've seen a picture of Dave Parker smoking in the dugout during a game.
And if you look closely, you can see Manny Sanguillen beat the hajeezus out of a fan after the last out of the 1979 World Series.
I know that Peter Gammons can't sing, because I have witnessed this firsthand.
We can all agree that Dale Murphy should be in the Hall of Fame, and Rafael Palmeiro shouldn't.
I don't know which of Pete Rose's haircuts was the worst.
NL Predictions: Expos to Virginia, Bush is sending Barry on an up north trip, the Padres are better than people think, the Astros have too many players with the "linebacker mentality."
AL Predictions: Pedro and Schilling will take turns drilling A-Rod that first weekend at Fenway. Steinbrenner will try and recreate the nasty, hatebreeding, anti-chemistry Yanks teams of the 1970s by lunging for Jeff Kent. The A's, Mariners or Angels will win the West. The Red Sox will take to referring to Mia Hamm as "Yoko."
We ask you today to purchase Sam's book AND also for your weekend enjoyment, pick up Gary Lutz's collection of short stories I Looked Alive. They're mind-blowing.
This week I've also had the pleasure of tuning into the upcoming David Cross cd that Sub Pop is putting out in May. It's called It's Not Funny. I really love it and I love him. By the time he closes, with a confrontation with Creed's Scott Stapp, you'll have soiled your undergarments and those of your neighbor. I will try to start posting Mp3s and stuff soon. Soon meaning 2014.
Today we're graced with Hua Hsu's baseball predictions for 2004. Later next week we'll get to his Munson story. He's a great writer and I'm thankful for his contribution...
BASEBALL 2004 Predictions
by Hua Hsu
There are few known quantities in baseball. All we know is that someone will mutter, "That's why they play the games" when too many stats are tossed around.
I am quite sure that somewhere out there, Ozzie Canseco is trying to pass himself off as Jose in order to get a girl's number.
We are practically certain that closers who have mustaches fare much better than those who don't. This was practically science up until the mid-1990s. As of 2000, 16 of the top 20 save artists of all-time boasted a mustache of some sort. By mustache, I'm also talking about goatees, glasses and submarine delivery. In the mid-1990s, grunge brought us the goatee and I always thought Kerry Lightenberg of the Braves would go down as one of the all-time greats, since he had a wiry, post-Rollie Fingers chinstrap thing going. But think about it--Robb "studda step" Nen was an All-Star; he shaved his face clean and next thing you know he's scuttling to the DL.
Fingers was once offered a spot with the Reds on the condition he shaved; he politely turned them down, knowing that clean-shaven-ness is a stopper's kryptonite. In the ‘00s, perhaps baldness, lefthandedness or the babyface will become the new mustache. But I'm not a prognosticator.
I know America is a post-multicultural society, so I'm quite sure that Eurocentric nicknames like Al "The Mad Hungarian" Hrabosky won't fly nowadays.
I know that Darryl Strawberry's record with U.T.F.O. is better than Ken Griffey Jr.'s guest verse on the Kid Sensation record, even if I've never heard either one.
I swear I've seen a picture of Dave Parker smoking in the dugout during a game.
And if you look closely, you can see Manny Sanguillen beat the hajeezus out of a fan after the last out of the 1979 World Series.
I know that Peter Gammons can't sing, because I have witnessed this firsthand.
We can all agree that Dale Murphy should be in the Hall of Fame, and Rafael Palmeiro shouldn't.
I don't know which of Pete Rose's haircuts was the worst.
NL Predictions: Expos to Virginia, Bush is sending Barry on an up north trip, the Padres are better than people think, the Astros have too many players with the "linebacker mentality."
AL Predictions: Pedro and Schilling will take turns drilling A-Rod that first weekend at Fenway. Steinbrenner will try and recreate the nasty, hatebreeding, anti-chemistry Yanks teams of the 1970s by lunging for Jeff Kent. The A's, Mariners or Angels will win the West. The Red Sox will take to referring to Mia Hamm as "Yoko."
3/11/2004
Some of my best friends are white guys from Cleveland
I can't decide whether this is awesome or moronic.
Today Kucinich launched a web site to introduce himself to the hip hop community at: hiphop and he penned this open letter to the hip hop community:
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE HIP HOP COMMUNITY
I am writing this letter to express my outrage at the social, political and economic conditions of our time and to solicit your assistance, your resources, and the insights of the Hip Hop generation.
I do not claim to know the names of the top 10 ten greatest MCs of all time or who has the hottest Hip Hop album on Billboard at this moment. I do know what it is like to live on the wrong side of American society. I am the oldest of seven children, and I grew up in the inner city of Cleveland. My family was often the only Caucasian family living in a community of color. Having been homeless, I know poverty all to well. I have made it my duty never -- and I mean never -- to forget where I came from and those I represent. And I know that Hip Hop at its best gives voice to the voiceless and visibility to the invisible.
During my four terms in the House of Representatives, I have supported progressive legislation. I am supporting a bill sponsored by Congressman John Conyers that calls for a federal study of how to proceed with making reparations for slavery. We must repair the breach caused by centuries of racial oppression in our nation.
As the Co-Chair of the Congressional Progressive Caucus with the courageous Barbara Lee, I lead the effort in the House of Representatives against President Bush's unwarranted march toward war -- a war that is based on a lie. The cost of the war has passed $150 billion, and the Pentagon's annual budget is now $400 billion.
Meanwhile, Americans lack basic needs. 40 million Americans do not have health coverage. Some 10 million can't find jobs. Tens of millions more can't find jobs that pay a living wage. Our criminal justice system is one of the few projects outside the military that we are investing more money in, locking up huge numbers of African-American and Latinos. The incarceration of women has increased by 600 percent in the last five years.
Our school systems are under funded, teachers underpaid, and classrooms overcrowed. Our nation's physical and social infrastructure is in disarray. Crumbling roads, fractured public policy, and shattered dreams are scattered about the American social landscape like broken glass.
As I seek the highest office in the land, I want to change the debate. On the campaign trail, I have had the opportunity to sit and listen to the best and brightest voices of your generation. I have heard their desires and felt their yearnings. I have put at the forefront of the public discourse the key issues affecting your generation, which include:
• Ending the Occupation of Iraq
• Ending the expansion of the prison industrial complex (repealing mandatory minimums and focusing on rehabilitation of non-violent drug offenders)
• Educational opportunity (free education pre-k-through college)
• Full employment economy with a living wage (a WPA type program that will employ people to rebuild our nation's infrastructure, and restoring value to the minimum wage)
• Health Coverage for All (taking the HMOs and for-profit insurers out of the picture)
You are the leaders we have been waiting for. The initiative of the Hip Hop community to demand that America take notice of itself can shape the 2004 elections and politics for years to come. I call upon the collective genius that gave the world the most innovative musical development in a quarter century to change the face of electoral politics. If there is any way I can be of support to the progressive causes in your community, please do not hesitate to contact our office.
Thank you for your contribution to American culture, in fact world culture. And thank you for any time or consideration given to this letter.
Peace,
Congressman Dennis J. Kucinich,
Democratic Presidential Candidate 2004
Today Kucinich launched a web site to introduce himself to the hip hop community at: hiphop and he penned this open letter to the hip hop community:
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE HIP HOP COMMUNITY
I am writing this letter to express my outrage at the social, political and economic conditions of our time and to solicit your assistance, your resources, and the insights of the Hip Hop generation.
I do not claim to know the names of the top 10 ten greatest MCs of all time or who has the hottest Hip Hop album on Billboard at this moment. I do know what it is like to live on the wrong side of American society. I am the oldest of seven children, and I grew up in the inner city of Cleveland. My family was often the only Caucasian family living in a community of color. Having been homeless, I know poverty all to well. I have made it my duty never -- and I mean never -- to forget where I came from and those I represent. And I know that Hip Hop at its best gives voice to the voiceless and visibility to the invisible.
During my four terms in the House of Representatives, I have supported progressive legislation. I am supporting a bill sponsored by Congressman John Conyers that calls for a federal study of how to proceed with making reparations for slavery. We must repair the breach caused by centuries of racial oppression in our nation.
As the Co-Chair of the Congressional Progressive Caucus with the courageous Barbara Lee, I lead the effort in the House of Representatives against President Bush's unwarranted march toward war -- a war that is based on a lie. The cost of the war has passed $150 billion, and the Pentagon's annual budget is now $400 billion.
Meanwhile, Americans lack basic needs. 40 million Americans do not have health coverage. Some 10 million can't find jobs. Tens of millions more can't find jobs that pay a living wage. Our criminal justice system is one of the few projects outside the military that we are investing more money in, locking up huge numbers of African-American and Latinos. The incarceration of women has increased by 600 percent in the last five years.
Our school systems are under funded, teachers underpaid, and classrooms overcrowed. Our nation's physical and social infrastructure is in disarray. Crumbling roads, fractured public policy, and shattered dreams are scattered about the American social landscape like broken glass.
As I seek the highest office in the land, I want to change the debate. On the campaign trail, I have had the opportunity to sit and listen to the best and brightest voices of your generation. I have heard their desires and felt their yearnings. I have put at the forefront of the public discourse the key issues affecting your generation, which include:
• Ending the Occupation of Iraq
• Ending the expansion of the prison industrial complex (repealing mandatory minimums and focusing on rehabilitation of non-violent drug offenders)
• Educational opportunity (free education pre-k-through college)
• Full employment economy with a living wage (a WPA type program that will employ people to rebuild our nation's infrastructure, and restoring value to the minimum wage)
• Health Coverage for All (taking the HMOs and for-profit insurers out of the picture)
You are the leaders we have been waiting for. The initiative of the Hip Hop community to demand that America take notice of itself can shape the 2004 elections and politics for years to come. I call upon the collective genius that gave the world the most innovative musical development in a quarter century to change the face of electoral politics. If there is any way I can be of support to the progressive causes in your community, please do not hesitate to contact our office.
Thank you for your contribution to American culture, in fact world culture. And thank you for any time or consideration given to this letter.
Peace,
Congressman Dennis J. Kucinich,
Democratic Presidential Candidate 2004
BBW Sample Sale
New York City Sample Sale
WHEN:
Friday 3/19 11-8, Saturday 3/20 11-8 and Sunday 3/21 1-5
WHERE:
Bronwyn Keenan Gallery
3 Crosby St. (between Grand & Howard Sts.)
WHAT:
Previous season spring merchandise 50%-90% off
Built by Wendy Spring 2004 Collection available online at BBW and at our shop
Built by Wendy
7 Centre Market Place NYC
(1 block West of Mulberry St. between Broome & Grand Sts.)
WHEN:
Friday 3/19 11-8, Saturday 3/20 11-8 and Sunday 3/21 1-5
WHERE:
Bronwyn Keenan Gallery
3 Crosby St. (between Grand & Howard Sts.)
WHAT:
Previous season spring merchandise 50%-90% off
Built by Wendy Spring 2004 Collection available online at BBW and at our shop
Built by Wendy
7 Centre Market Place NYC
(1 block West of Mulberry St. between Broome & Grand Sts.)
Spanish Bombs
Wrasslin
Stolen from Bob Mould's webpage. Catch up on all the old wrasslers. Why? Uh, Catch up on all the old wrasslers.
3/10/2004
This is the MOVIE
Minor Problem
Anyone get the memo in say, 1988 that
Patchouli is an utter fucking joke as a scent and a way of life?
Ever get hit with an elevator full of patchouli?
If you are the culprit, guess what, take a look through your third eye, take your crystals and get the hell out of here.
The dream is over.
You have no special powers.
You have no special insight into humanity.
Your kind acts and your kind bud are a fucking smokescreen (no pun intended) to cover up your mild case of adult retardation.
p.s. your dreads aren't "Nature's extension cords" either.
Now I can begin my day.
Patchouli is an utter fucking joke as a scent and a way of life?
Ever get hit with an elevator full of patchouli?
If you are the culprit, guess what, take a look through your third eye, take your crystals and get the hell out of here.
The dream is over.
You have no special powers.
You have no special insight into humanity.
Your kind acts and your kind bud are a fucking smokescreen (no pun intended) to cover up your mild case of adult retardation.
p.s. your dreads aren't "Nature's extension cords" either.
Now I can begin my day.
3/09/2004
MASCOTT tour dates.
in April, in accordance with the end of the NCAA tournament. Mascott will hit the road. Okay?!?! please go see 'em.
04/02
Gunther Murphy’s
3420 W Grace St.
Chicago, IL 60618
Doors :9:00pm
$8 advance/$10 dos.
04/04
Detroit Art Space
101 E. Baltimore
Detroit, MI 48202
p: 313-664-0445
9:00pm
$6 (All Ages)
04/05
Garfield Artworks
4931 Penn Ave.
Pittsburgh, PA 15224
p: 412-361-2262
AA Doors: 9:00pm
$6
04/06
The Rudyard Kipling
422 W. Oak St.
Louisville, KY 40203
21+ Doors: 5:30pm
$tbd
04/07
The Lime Spider
207 S Main St.
Akron, OH 44308
Doors: 9:00pm
$5
04/08
Common Grounds Coffee & Tea House
3211 Wilson Blvd.
Arlington, VA 22201
$8
04/09
Mojo’s
1545 East Cary St.
Richmond, VA 23219
21+ Doors: 8:30pm Set Time: 10:30pm
$5
04/02
Gunther Murphy’s
3420 W Grace St.
Chicago, IL 60618
Doors :9:00pm
$8 advance/$10 dos.
04/04
Detroit Art Space
101 E. Baltimore
Detroit, MI 48202
p: 313-664-0445
9:00pm
$6 (All Ages)
04/05
Garfield Artworks
4931 Penn Ave.
Pittsburgh, PA 15224
p: 412-361-2262
AA Doors: 9:00pm
$6
04/06
The Rudyard Kipling
422 W. Oak St.
Louisville, KY 40203
21+ Doors: 5:30pm
$tbd
04/07
The Lime Spider
207 S Main St.
Akron, OH 44308
Doors: 9:00pm
$5
04/08
Common Grounds Coffee & Tea House
3211 Wilson Blvd.
Arlington, VA 22201
$8
04/09
Mojo’s
1545 East Cary St.
Richmond, VA 23219
21+ Doors: 8:30pm Set Time: 10:30pm
$5
Mall Hair
Great story about Victor Gruen, Alfred Taubman and NJ's Short Hills Mall ---&--- Southdale in Mpls in this week's New Yorker. If you like reading about depreciation incentives for rich folks and sub-urban planning, you won't be able to put it down.
3/08/2004
Recent Legal Proceedings
Martha Stewart News: "She should get her money back from her lawyers," said Thomas Ajamie, a veteran Houston securities attorney. "How this even went to trial in the first place, I have no idea." [from NY POST]
Hey Tom, it went to trial 'cause she was full of shit. The sad thing is every dude in her shoes is walking around scot-free. I guess if she would have spent less time on pot-holders and more time defense contracting she'd be parasailing in Aruba right now. P.S. Having Rosie O'Donnell and Bill Cosby coming out to support you is just stupid.
Other area geniuses: NY Mets' Karim Garcia and Shane Spencer.
Eric Vidal seems to be getting too big for his britches now. But I still have to take his side. You'd think with a big trial coming up in less than a month, Garcia would rethink public urination. Hope you liked yr career. It's really not much of a stretch to go from a baseball cap to a Quizno's visor. And Spencer, your career fizzled faster than Sisqo, dude. Maybe you'll get to coach high school softball in the Poconos. Advice: Keep yr mitts to yrself, and the vodka flask securely in the dashboard.
Hey Tom, it went to trial 'cause she was full of shit. The sad thing is every dude in her shoes is walking around scot-free. I guess if she would have spent less time on pot-holders and more time defense contracting she'd be parasailing in Aruba right now. P.S. Having Rosie O'Donnell and Bill Cosby coming out to support you is just stupid.
Other area geniuses: NY Mets' Karim Garcia and Shane Spencer.
Eric Vidal seems to be getting too big for his britches now. But I still have to take his side. You'd think with a big trial coming up in less than a month, Garcia would rethink public urination. Hope you liked yr career. It's really not much of a stretch to go from a baseball cap to a Quizno's visor. And Spencer, your career fizzled faster than Sisqo, dude. Maybe you'll get to coach high school softball in the Poconos. Advice: Keep yr mitts to yrself, and the vodka flask securely in the dashboard.
3/04/2004
Listening to...
Oxford Collapse
The Streets --new cd is coming in MAY, it's called A Grand Don't Come for Free. It's great. Less of that 2-step, carnival cruise beats and more song-y.
Lansing-Dreiden this is one of my favorites so far of 2004.
The Streets --new cd is coming in MAY, it's called A Grand Don't Come for Free. It's great. Less of that 2-step, carnival cruise beats and more song-y.
Lansing-Dreiden this is one of my favorites so far of 2004.
3/02/2004
The Veils
Their record, The Runaway Found is a masterpiece.
Go to their goddamn website and listen...
hot spaz
Go to their goddamn website and listen...
hot spaz
WIZARD PEOPLE
Brad Neely, who draws the CREASED COMICS that have appeared in Hunter Kennedy's Minus Times and Vice magazine will be debuting a film at the NY Underground Film Festival. This good news comes from Laris Kreslins, great gentleman and publisher of Arthur.
who wrote this passage? I have no idea:
WIZARD PEOPLE, dear readers
DIR BRAD NEELY
FEATURE
35MM
150 MIN WORLD PREMIERE
"With WIZARD PEOPLE, dear readers one must imagine a soul so
enamored with a particular fantasy fiction universe that he is
compelled to record a ‘book-on-tape’ that, in the mind of the
teller, tells the story that is better than the story itself,
so that the unaware may truly know its glory.
"But imagine that this soul is an over-excitable, misinformed
individual who not only hasn’t read the book, but has
apparently recorded his version while watching the movie for
the first time.
"WIZARD PEOPLE, dear readers is not to be thought of as a
tribute to a fine movie by an obsessive fan, but as a vehicle
to be used to see the process of such a distracted
personality’s imagination merging with the pre-existing world
of the film." – Dr. Detroit
WIZARD PEOPLE happens in NYC on March 13th at 10:30 pm.
go to the festival link above for exact details.
who wrote this passage? I have no idea:
WIZARD PEOPLE, dear readers
DIR BRAD NEELY
FEATURE
35MM
150 MIN WORLD PREMIERE
"With WIZARD PEOPLE, dear readers one must imagine a soul so
enamored with a particular fantasy fiction universe that he is
compelled to record a ‘book-on-tape’ that, in the mind of the
teller, tells the story that is better than the story itself,
so that the unaware may truly know its glory.
"But imagine that this soul is an over-excitable, misinformed
individual who not only hasn’t read the book, but has
apparently recorded his version while watching the movie for
the first time.
"WIZARD PEOPLE, dear readers is not to be thought of as a
tribute to a fine movie by an obsessive fan, but as a vehicle
to be used to see the process of such a distracted
personality’s imagination merging with the pre-existing world
of the film." – Dr. Detroit
WIZARD PEOPLE happens in NYC on March 13th at 10:30 pm.
go to the festival link above for exact details.
Mascott is Great
Way to go Pete
How close is your head to your gas oven? I'm guessing it's half way in.
STAMFORD, Conn., March 2, 2004 – Baseball great Pete Rose will be the first-ever special celebrity inductee into the WWE® Hall of Fame for his classic appearances at WrestleMania XIV, WrestleMania XV, and WrestleMania 2000. WWE Superstars to be inducted as the newest members of the WWE Hall of Fame are former Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, Greg “The Hammer” Valentine, Sgt. Slaughter, Superstar Billy Graham, Tito Santana, Don Muraco, Harley Race, Junkyard Dog and Big John Studd.
STAMFORD, Conn., March 2, 2004 – Baseball great Pete Rose will be the first-ever special celebrity inductee into the WWE® Hall of Fame for his classic appearances at WrestleMania XIV, WrestleMania XV, and WrestleMania 2000. WWE Superstars to be inducted as the newest members of the WWE Hall of Fame are former Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, Greg “The Hammer” Valentine, Sgt. Slaughter, Superstar Billy Graham, Tito Santana, Don Muraco, Harley Race, Junkyard Dog and Big John Studd.
From the Black Table
Visit this site. Today they issue letter grades to cultural phenomenons that piss them (and everyone else) off. EXAMPLE:
WHISTLING: Whistling is acceptable when: a) you need to get your dog's attention before it gets hit by a scooter/hovercraft; or b) you're spending a contemplative evening at a mud-wrestling match. If you whistle for any other reason … congratulations, you're a dipshit. Subway whistlers are the worst, mostly because they only perform when the train has been stuck between stations for at least 15 minutes. And, no, Mr. Happy, it's not any less annoying if you are "riffing" to the tinny flotsam from a neighbor's headphones -- this is a byproduct of poor headphone construction, NOT an invitation for you to play spitty karaoke to music we don't want anyone else to know we listen to. If I need to spend 45 minutes with the soundtrack from Chess, don't you think I've had a bad enough day without you outing me? You know that lady who screams about Jesus in a voice that's perpetually on the verge of cracking? I'd rather ride with her from midtown to Planet Xenon than spend 30 seconds with you and your jaunty trills and grace notes. Shut the fuck up. F -- Carissa B.
WHISTLING: Whistling is acceptable when: a) you need to get your dog's attention before it gets hit by a scooter/hovercraft; or b) you're spending a contemplative evening at a mud-wrestling match. If you whistle for any other reason … congratulations, you're a dipshit. Subway whistlers are the worst, mostly because they only perform when the train has been stuck between stations for at least 15 minutes. And, no, Mr. Happy, it's not any less annoying if you are "riffing" to the tinny flotsam from a neighbor's headphones -- this is a byproduct of poor headphone construction, NOT an invitation for you to play spitty karaoke to music we don't want anyone else to know we listen to. If I need to spend 45 minutes with the soundtrack from Chess, don't you think I've had a bad enough day without you outing me? You know that lady who screams about Jesus in a voice that's perpetually on the verge of cracking? I'd rather ride with her from midtown to Planet Xenon than spend 30 seconds with you and your jaunty trills and grace notes. Shut the fuck up. F -- Carissa B.
Parking Tickets in Lower Manhattan
The cops have been absolutely rabid about ticketing anything with wheels in and around Wall Street as of late. Most of the streets have "No Parking from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m." signs, presumably so delivery vehicles can get to the businesses and unload their papers, Snapples, fish, flowers, booze, laundered tablecloths and other crap. These trucks and vans show up, you know, just doing their job, NOT dawdling, and the cops give them tickets. Almost instantaneously. They've also ticketed vehicles on holidays. What the shit? Lower Manhattan, FYI, on holidays, is like Nevada in 1659. There's maybe one person milling around there, with zero teeth and an old foil drip pan. The ticketing is insane and needs to stop.
Haven't the leaders of New York City been all about rebuilding and re-energizing Lower Manhattan since 9/11? Well, the shittiest way to go about that is to abuse the delivery people. If you write them citations, I can only envision two scenarios:
1) Their boss makes the driver (usually a lowly immigrant) pay the fine.
2) The company delivering, because they're so overwhelmed with tickets and fines has to up its costs, thereby forcing the ailing downtown businesses to up the costs to their customers, thereby re-paralyzing lower Manhattan back into a bleak, Bulgarian existence.
To me this whole charade is fucking extortion.
Is this off-base? please tell me. write
Haven't the leaders of New York City been all about rebuilding and re-energizing Lower Manhattan since 9/11? Well, the shittiest way to go about that is to abuse the delivery people. If you write them citations, I can only envision two scenarios:
1) Their boss makes the driver (usually a lowly immigrant) pay the fine.
2) The company delivering, because they're so overwhelmed with tickets and fines has to up its costs, thereby forcing the ailing downtown businesses to up the costs to their customers, thereby re-paralyzing lower Manhattan back into a bleak, Bulgarian existence.
To me this whole charade is fucking extortion.
Is this off-base? please tell me. write
Baseball 2004
Let me put this on the table. I'm sure that others have said it. But I'm gonna go on the record in support of Steinbrenner and Brian Cashman not offering Andy Pettitte a new contract and letting him and (by default) Fathead Clemens go to Houston. Pettitte's season will be difficult. Clemens, by mid-year, will have disrupted whatever chemistry the Astros assembled.
p.s. I hate the Yankees.
p.p.s. I hate the Red Sox.
p.p.p.s. I used to like Don Zimmer, now I am certain he is batshit and a thin-skinned infant to boot.
Good Thurman Munson stories coming soon...
p.s. I hate the Yankees.
p.p.s. I hate the Red Sox.
p.p.p.s. I used to like Don Zimmer, now I am certain he is batshit and a thin-skinned infant to boot.
Good Thurman Munson stories coming soon...
3/01/2004
nothing to write aboutzcsdnucqw9fnjcucfsakc
I thought the Oscars were beautiful. Everyone's a critic. Blogs on Monday are like premature ejaculators. Just can't wait to spill my opinions about week end events that have nothing to do with me except sucking 19,000 hours of my life away. SO EXCITED to get my proverbial drawers offffffff and tell you what I think of Renee Zellweger (gets dumber every year). and Sting w/ Phil "brazillian bikini wax" pattern baldness Collins.
SOOOOOo....here's some songs i've got ina playlist. actually this is a cd i burned for a pregnant woman I know and love. go buy this stuff.
Slow Jamz 3:36 Twista
Jacqueline 3:51 Franz Ferdinand
The Dark Of The Matinee 4:05 Franz Ferdinand
Poor Little Rich Boy 2:27 Regina Spektor
Such Great Heights (Remixed By John Tejada) 5:50 The Postal Service
Andrew Ridgley 3:47 Black Box Recorder
The Japanese Sandman 2:29 Artie Shaw
Fountain Of Youth 7:15 Measles Mumps Rubella
I Can't Wait 4:34 Sleepy Brown Feat. Outkast
Animals 2:56 Dynasty
C'est Si Bon 3:00 Eartha Kitt
Tell Her Tonight 2:20 Franz Ferdinand
Take Me Out 3:59 Franz Ferdinand
maples leaves 4:11 jens lekman
The Valleys 5:20 Electrelane
Sad Sad Zoo 4:42 On! Air! Library!
kissing the lipless 3:19 the shins
Poor Leno - Silikon Soul Rmx 5:53 Royksopp
SOOOOOo....here's some songs i've got ina playlist. actually this is a cd i burned for a pregnant woman I know and love. go buy this stuff.
Slow Jamz 3:36 Twista
Jacqueline 3:51 Franz Ferdinand
The Dark Of The Matinee 4:05 Franz Ferdinand
Poor Little Rich Boy 2:27 Regina Spektor
Such Great Heights (Remixed By John Tejada) 5:50 The Postal Service
Andrew Ridgley 3:47 Black Box Recorder
The Japanese Sandman 2:29 Artie Shaw
Fountain Of Youth 7:15 Measles Mumps Rubella
I Can't Wait 4:34 Sleepy Brown Feat. Outkast
Animals 2:56 Dynasty
C'est Si Bon 3:00 Eartha Kitt
Tell Her Tonight 2:20 Franz Ferdinand
Take Me Out 3:59 Franz Ferdinand
maples leaves 4:11 jens lekman
The Valleys 5:20 Electrelane
Sad Sad Zoo 4:42 On! Air! Library!
kissing the lipless 3:19 the shins
Poor Leno - Silikon Soul Rmx 5:53 Royksopp
