FITTEDSWEATS

at the Triple Rock. please go see her perform.

GO!

FWDED From Colleen Werthmann...










To All Whome It May Concern:

I am shahin Mir Mohammad Hosseinia political poet from Iran who lives at the moment in Sweden as a master student in the Chalmers university. There are some bugs( implants ),in my teeth, which have been implanted by the dentist without my knowledg during filling the teeth in Austria during the time that I was there. These implants not only are used for espionaging to listening to me, but also to send waves which make very bad headache or heart break (Terror).
Unfortunately Swedish security service has given such a devices to iranian agents (Iran´s regime) that enables them to use these implants like torturing devices and even supports them. I have written many times to Swedish authorities and government and even tried to refill my teeth, but Swedish security prevented this by influencing the dentists and government did nothing about!! I have extracted four 4 teeth till know, but as there are eight more teeth which have been filed , I will lose all my teeth.

I would like to inform you as well ,that the subject which I wrote about, has been increased recently, because the Implants which I told you about, are used now for MIND CONTROL as well.
Brain Transmitters

Iranian agents ( From Iran´s regime), recently have changed their method (probably their espionaging deveices) which allow them to contact me by talking and try to infuse me by Mind Control. They make me do things by Mind Control without my willing and control.
Recently, they have control on my muscles, feelings specialy when I am not concentrated. This means, they can make almost every part of my body move. The waves which are sent by this method, can intensify feelings like sadness, or happiness...


It would be nice if you could investigate this case please.
I thank you and look forward to hearing from yo as soon as possible.


Best Regards

Shahin Mir Mohammad Hosseini


his site


this is gonna become that dancing turkish i wanna make love guy phenom of '99. only this one just sorta fizzles.

Weren't most good Catholics supposed to concern themselves with going to church yesterday instead of hustling around to see Mel Gibson's Passion?

This doesn't say anything about eating popcorn in a dark room.

Believe it or not, I’m writing to endorse a political candidate, something I’ve never done before, but these are crazy times. Since New York is voting on Super Tuesday, I feel compelled to write my friends there. Right now, many hopeful Democrats are disillusioned by the fall of Howard Dean, others are willing to vote for anything or anybody that can beat George W. Bush (myself included). Since many people feel this way, they appear willing to let Kerry be the front runner, mostly due to the “electability” factor. I have been researching this idea a bit further and am beginning to wonder whether Kerry is really the right candidate to beat Bush. Additionally, he doesn’t get people excited about politics in a time when they should be in the forefront of everyone’s mind.

Here are some facts about John Edwards vs. John Kerry (followed by an Edward’s endorsement in The Nation):

€Since JFK prevailed over Richard Nixon in 1960 with the help of southern Democrats, no northern Democrat has won a presidential election against the Republican candidate . In the last ten elections, voters have rejected Humphrey, McGovern, Mondale and Dukakis.  Carter and Clinton, both Southerners, won.  Kerry exemplifies a northern Democrat.

€Kerry has a long political record that the Republicans are going to rake through with a fine toothed comb, which will reveal his notorious flip-flopping on many issues.

€Dean supporters back Edwards: “I’m supporting John Edwards because we need a Democrat who can stand up to George W. Bush and who can work for young Americans”-Michael Whitney, co-founder of Generation Dean, who along with co-founder Ryan Beam endorsed Edwards this month.

€Bush Fears Edwards the most: “There’s not a single Republican I’ve talked to in Washington who’s not more worried about John Edwards than John Kerry”-Conservative journalist Bill Kristol of the Weekly Standard.

€The primary voter differs from the general election voter. The general election voter tends to be more careful and conservative.

€The latest CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll shows John Edwards with a ten-point lead over George W. Bush! (Edwards 54%, Bush 44%)

Edwards is a Southerner with a populist message. In the polls and primaries, not only has he appealed to Democrats, but he has also been appealing to disenfranchised Republicans and Independents, both of which will be crucial in the November election.
He is not from a wealthy background nor has he been entrenched in politics his whole life. He brings a much more positive and refreshing message to the campaign.

Edwards must win the primaries in NYC or California or Ohio to stay in this race.

For more information on where Edwards stands on the issues, go to:

John Edwards

Lastly, below is an article and link from The Nation that endorses Edwards.

Thanks for reading this. No matter what happens, I hope Bush is out of office this November.
xoCarrie

Read text below or go to:

text

The Nation
2/8/04

Progressives Should Vote Edwards

by Joel Rogers ( a Nation contributing editor, teaches at the University of Wisconsin, Madison.)

I'll be voting for John Edwards in next week's Wisconsin presidential primary. I think all progressives should vote for him in all remaining primaries. With Dean in meltdown, Clark without traction and the rest of the Democratic field still invisible to voters, this race has effectively narrowed to Kerry versus Edwards. And Edwards is our better shot at getting progressive values stamped clearly on the national ticket.

Come November, of course, I'll happily vote for whomever the Democrats finally nominate. That includes John Kerry--a fine social and free-trade liberal with the courage of his convictions. In truth (no comparison to Kerry implied) I'd vote for Homer Simpson if the Democrats nominated him, so badly do I want Bush gone. But in the meantime I'm for Edwards, who matches Kerry on mainstream Democratic issues but goes beyond them, in a clear progressive direction.

To begin with what they hold in common, Edwards and Kerry have similar views, all pretty good, on healthcare, women's rights, Medicare and Society Security privatization, and the environment--including the idea, recently revived by the Apollo Alliance, of an aggressive national project to achieve energy independence within a decade. Of course, they also share the baggage or ignominy of having voted to authorize the use of force in Iraq. This was at least stupid; they should never have trusted Bush's word on anything, especially matters about life and death. But I think with most voters that it's time to move on. They were lied to. And there's a big difference between a senator authorizing the potential use of force, based on misinformation, and a President fabricating that information and actually starting a war. Bush's contempt for truth and disregard for life are the real sins on Iraq, and Kerry and Edwards committed neither. I'm close to certain we wouldn't be in Iraq if either were in the White House.

Where Edwards diverges from Kerry is in addressing a series of issues of distinctive concern to progressives--inequalities of race and class, abusive corporate power, neoliberal globalization, ghetto poverty and prison, and the importance of worker and community organization outside the state. And what makes him distinctive is not just that he regularly touches these third-rail issues but is effectively running on them.

He is unabashedly pro-union. He regularly challenges white audiences to confront "the white problem" of continued racial injustice. His "two Americas" stump speech is all about class. He appreciates and notes the sheer pervasiveness of corporate crime--from tax evasion to union avoidance, predatory lending to environmental degradation, unsafe working conditions to subsidy abuse. He is sharply critical of the "Washington Consensus" on international trade and finance. He talks about the growth of poverty and dead-end jobs. And he's the only candidate who does this in engaging language ordinary voters understand.

Better still, Edwards is relentlessly upbeat about America's ability to solve these problems. He's not another Clintonesque "I feel your pain, now let me tell you why I can't do anything about it" sort of guy. He has a real program of democratic renewal. And it is largely ours.

So, for example, Edwards wants to commit America explicitly to promoting "high road" competition--high wage, low waste, more socially accountable--and getting off the "low road" that's dragging down wages and increasing inequality. He wants to raise labor and environmental standards, invest heavily in worker training and continuing education, and build the public infrastructure--some crumbling, some never built, some bricks and more, some organizational--needed to achieve a shared prosperity.

He also wants to get beyond the free trade/protectionism frame for international economic policy and commit the United States clearly both to defending living standards here and enabling sustainable growth in the Third World. He wants to change trade rules to promote an upward rather than the present downward leveling in global wages, environmental standards and worker rights; open the World Trade Organization to sunlight and break its Chapter 11 stranglehold on higher local standards; and move international financial institutions like the International Monetary Fund away from imposing cookie-cutter "structural adjustment" on weak economies.

And in a campaign that's barely mentioned the problems of urban areas, or America's astronomical rate of incarcerating central-city residents, Edwards brings these up too, and has developed views on both. To cure modern urban ills, he favors a series of strategies--in labor-market rules, economic development, transit investments, education and training, and social services--to integrate them more effectively into their surrounding metropolitan economies. And he would have us shrink our bloated prison population and return its present members more successfully to society by better distinguishing nonviolent drug crimes from other offenses, restoring abandoned treatment and training options, and re-enfranchising those who have done their time. Together, these policy changes would amount to a quiet revolution in what has to be near the top of America's social and economic problems--the devastation of many of our cities and the sheer waste and neglect of millions of their inhabitants.

And then there is the personal stuff about Edwards himself--his own story, told in an accent many Americans recognize as their own, and whose hearing can only help a national Democratic ticket. This story too is about class, race, and democracy. Unlike Bush and Kerry, Edwards didn't go to an elite prep school, then to Yale and then to Skull & Bones. He went to state schools, in what was then a very poor state. And he made his money taking down big corporations screwing little people, many of them black. He's seen a more democratic society work. He's an example of the opportunity it can offer all. And now, a middle-aged millionaire white Southerner from a right-to-work state, he simply wants the same for others. This is a message as American as apple pie, violence and the Gettysburg Address, and Edwards is uniquely credible in carrying it.

So at this point in the campaign I don't think a strategic progressive vote is for Dean or Clark or Kucinich--none of whom has a chance. But neither do I think we need to muffle our voice in the crowd now rushing to coronate Kerry. If we want to send a progressive message that will really be felt, and maybe even choose a President, progressives should vote for Edwards.

Is that all I do is provide links?

Zev Borow makes me laugh today.

There are new Xiu Xiu, Franz Ferdinand, Regina Spektor, Mascott, The Hold Steady & many more MP3s here.

And some older ones here.

They are free.

There's nothing to sign up for.

There's no providing of your email address.

They're yours.

Jay-Z
The Beatles
as mixed by Danger Mouse

Go find out what the commotion is about and download The Grey Album.

I personally think he should have added Prince's Black Album and The Fall's I am Kurious Orange as source material. That would have put it way over the top. If you read the lyrics to the Fall's "New Big Prinz" they almost seem like Jay-Z musings anyway.

Some of you have sent your entries in for the contest (scroll down). If you need more info on the genius of Sam Lipsyte, click here.

Here's another tribute to you.

Pretty much every city throws a spaz when their team wins. I know. I'm just being a jerk.

Azita, Iranian gal via D.C. and now Chicago. She has a new album coming out called Life on the Fly.

Here's my review of her last record.

This record sounds like the city (not the band) of Chicago in about 1975. It would be perfect for driving down the Kennedy in a Mercedes convertible. Rob Mazurek of Chicago Underground notoriety does some nice trumpetry.

Highlights: "Miss Tony" "In the Vicinity"

Also: The Richard Yates bio

And random voice messages from student loan officers.

By now you've heard that Sam Lipsyte's book, Home Land is the best Greatest American Novel not currently available in America.

It's like A Confederacy of Dunces with better dunces. The tale is told from the point-of-view of one Lewis Miner, a disgruntled waster from N.J. The story is told in a series of missives fired off to his high school alumni newsletter. Early on in the novel, we learn that Miner once sold Thurman Munson's widow a spaghetti spoon. Thurman Munson pops up repeatedly throughout Home Land, so it inspired me to do a little U.S. promo:

Where were you when Thurman Munson died?

The best 5 answers win a copy of Home Land. You have until March 15th. Your answer must be moving, not sappy. It may only be 300 words or less.

please send your entry here

Good Luck.

Flop Sweat the humor zine is available. I've seen it. It's funny. Some crazy bastard from Massachusetts published it. It's packed with really great writers and the art work and paperstock are not disappointing. Please buy it.

As seen in time out ny

win a free trip to spain

Billy Corgan

Why the SP's broke up. In his words. I'm glad Zwan is over. I had pals in that band and for a while I had myself convinced I could tolerate Corgan. Not true.

P.S. Don't even try to tell me you like S'mores. Too much work. People always ate the good ingredient (chocolate) and everyone else got stuck with the shitty one (graham crackers). Graham crackers are horseshit. Now that the whole S'mores hysteria has morphed into a premade candy bar, I STILL won't by buying into it. "Making s'mores" was parental code for: We have to keep you fuckers busy. It involves fire.

Remember the Brady Bunch episode where they had to sit Bobby down and say, "Bob, Jesus, enough with this Jesse James crap, okay?" Someone needs to tell the New York Post's Steve Dunleavy that. And then encourage him to retire and go back to Australia.

Dunleavy, The New York Post's self-appointed defender of mobsters (John Gotti), rogue cops (Chuck Schwarz), and idiotic firemen, has taken up the cause of Terry Sweeney, an FDNYer who got dismissed for NOT ratting out fellow firefighter Mike Silvestri for assaulting his fellow firefighter, Bobby Walsh, with a chair on New Year's Eve.

Instead of tattling, Sweeney took Walsh, whose nose was almost torn off, from the firehouse to the emergency room. Sweeney should be commended for getting the guy to the hospital (though reports say the whole firehouse dawdled), but I find it irresponsible that the whole crew (Sweeney & Walsh included) clammed up when it came to narking on Silvestri, so as to not upset the "brotherhood" of the fire department. A chair to the face? Some brotherhood.

(By the way, how do you hit a guy who is 6’8” in the face with a chair? My guess is that it is possible Walsh was sitting down, though that is just speculation.)

Anyway, Dunleavy, when not writing about how his paycheck is basically direct deposited to Langan's pub, fancies himself the last of a dying breed. He's a grizzled Aussie lieutenant in Rupert Murdoch's "moralist" army, eager to joust windmills in defense of any uniformed or mobbed up sociopath in the Big Apple. And that's the JUMBO mistake.

For all his prattle about being a common drunk, and speaking for and protecting the rights of common blue collar New Yorkers, Dunleavy, a veteran of TV's "A Current Affair" lives to prolong the tired frat-house-meets-“Mean Streets” mythology that we should turn a blind eye to corruption as long as it involves keeping your word. Hey Dunleavy, if you hadn’t noticed, honest New Yorkers get fucked when mobsters and wayward cops and firemen keep their word.

I'm no fan of the mob, but I'm all for the NYPD (except the parking ticket-writing jerks) and the FDNY. I think that 95% of both departments bust their asses for very little in the way of respect, honor and moolah. And I am all for coworkers banding together in tough times, but what about when it’s your coworker who actually causes the tough times? It’s just common sense, no? How productive is a fire department that doesn't have the balls to cleanse itself by getting rid of the riff-raff who think your precious brotherhood means beating each other with steel chairs. That's inexcusable at any workplace whether you're slinging Jo-Jos at the K-Mart cafeteria or working at the Pentagon.

I wonder what another Post columnist, Phil Mushnick, who day in and day out busts the chops of the rising tide of assholes and fools in the sporting world, would have to say about colleague Dunleavy—the hard-boiled nitwit whose columns are fueled only on gin, cigarettes and a certainty that New Yorkers just adore the crooked assholes who supposedly a) spend their time defending and protecting us or b) figuring out new ways to rip us off? Maybe the Post’s unspoken brotherhood won’t let Mushnick talk.

The sad part of all of this is Dunleavy’s eagerness to identify with men who keep their word. It’s as if column after column, he wants his readers to know that if the situation were different, and he weren’t just a bloody scribb-lah, occasionally getting mugged while passed out (scroll down, daily news via Gawker) on New York city streets, he’d be right there with them, and they’d have his back, and we’d all see what a tough guy he really is. How touching. I felt the same way when I was 12. Just like Bobby Brady.

Volpe, Louima & Schwarz
Gotti & Dunleavy
Sweeney’s Firehouse
more

Even More.
REMEMBER DAPPER DON, LAST OF THE STAND-UP GUYS
By Steve Dunleavy

HARRY BATCHELDER, with all his genius, is a mob lawyer - and a great defender of the late John Gotti.
"He's the last of the stand-up guys. I don't know who's left," Harry lamented. "If you had John locked in a steel coffin after 25 years and someone lifted up the lid and said, 'If you give up some of the wiseguys, we will let you go,' John would have said: 'Please shut the lid. The light is hurting my eyes.' "
Harry and I were discussing today's first anniversary of Gotti's death, a death in a bed, in a body voraciously ridden by cancer. He would have much rather have died on the street with his boots on.
So here am I, a pathological supporter of the cops, firefighters and sanitation workers, celebrating a mobster? Please, no. Gotti made his bed. But he laid in that bed without breaking his rules. He lived by his own code and never cheated his fellow goombahs.
You don't like my take? Then don't watch the millionth rerun of "The Godfather" and turn off "The Sopranos." There are so many rats in the mob it looks like Iraq on a bad day.
Batchelder has represented the Gottis in the past. We have mutual friends who are wiseguys.
Victoria Gotti, John Gotti's daughter, once said to me: "I never knew what he did. Women were in the kitchen. But I see these names, royalty, involved in scandal. My father was never involved in scandal."
A shooting outside of Spark's Steakhouse, perhaps, but not a scandal.
Her mother, Victoria, told me at a Heart and Lung Foundation charity affair at Tavern on the Green, organized by her daughter, "I have loved him for 39 years, and I hope I will love him for 39 years more."
What ticked off the feds about Gotti is that he made fools of them - three trials, three acquittals.
So on the anniversary of his death, I will tell you never to go down the road of John Gotti. But you should learn one lesson from him - never rat out your friends.
Nothing beats honor, no matter who you are.

MANY TOOK SAINTLY VIEW OF THIS SINNER
By Steve Dunleavy

IF today is Father's Day you better believe yesterday was Godfather's Day.
"They took his body but they will never take his spirit," said son Peter Gotti.
"A sad day of course, a sad day but in many ways a beautiful day. You saw the crowds," said brother Richie.
It was impossible to put a figure on just how many people turned out for the final farewell . . . at Papavero Funeral Home, the Bergin Hunt and Fish Club, Howard Beach, all along Woodhaven Boulevard, outside the Class Act hairdressers.
I was in the Renaissance Mausoleum where Gotti was interred. I placed a pink carnation in a vase and touched the bronze coffin out of respect and saw Gotti's lawyer and longtime friend Bruce Cutler.
Cutler broke down in uncontrollable tears.
I asked Bruce whether John Gotti was a saint or a sinner.
"He was a man. A remarkable human being.
"They never could destroy him and the most amazing thing about John Gotti was that he showed the world no matter what adversity, how to go through life's fears."
If on St. Patrick's Day everyone wants to be Irish, well, yesterday everyone wanted to be Italian.
A gentleman named Pavlo, who wouldn't give his last name, said: "Tell the family that Pavlo and the Greeks came down from Norwalk, Conn., to give their respects."
Mary Stephan, of Hungarian heritage, said: "I'm here to give my respects to a man I never knew but knew he was a son, a father, a grandfather, and loyal to his principles."
Oh, I know some people will accuse me of glorifying a wiseguy.
Well, many thousands who turned out yesterday in the neighborhoods might tend to disagree.
Joyce Wadler of The New York Times got a little close to the edge yesterday when she asked Bruce Cutler why he was glorifying a mobster.
If she had been a 6-foot-4 linebacker, Bruce Cutler would have rendered her unconscious.
"At this particular time that statement is wrong, inappropriate and off-color," Cutler snapped as if he were breaking a frozen carrot in half.
From the moment the Cadillac hearse cruised from the funeral home, it was as if the only word in Queens was G-O-T-T-I.
From Howard Beach to Woodhaven, giant posters bearing his picture proclaimed: "John Gotti lives forever."
I'm not going to make a comment on that but, then again, you had to be in Queens yesterday, on Godfather's day to believe me.
Daughter Victoria said earlier: "He was a man of incredible strength. He was also the person who gave life to me, and a wonderful human being."
A brief gathering was held in a chapel named Gallery of the Martyrs before Gotti was laid to rest on the third floor of the St. John's Cloisters next to his son, Frank.
Inscribed in simple but beautiful oak on the lefthand side was "Frank Gotti - 1967-1980," and next to that was "John Gotti - 1940-2002."
Critics might say Gotti filled a few crypts before he made his exit.
I have witnessed how the feds tried to rip out his rib cage and got progressively more angry as they failed to bring him to his knees.
No, I say, a million times no. I'm not running a p.r. company for the mob, I just know that when I see people crying in the streets, lighting candles, erecting little monuments, that he was someone who was not you or me.
I'll probably never cover a mob funeral again. There just won't be any like this ever again.
Gangster, gambler, mob statesman, I don't know. But as Bruce Cutler said: "He was a man."
The last word is ciao, ciao to Gambino's bambino.

from the hold steady. NYC:
Our first record "The Hold Steady Almost Killed Me" is coming out on March 15 on French Kiss. To celebrate, we have a bunch of shows coming up. First up is our record release show:

Thursday March 4th
@ The Mercury Lounge
We play at 9.30 between the Oranges Band and Vietnam.
There is talk of a pre-show happy hour listening party at HiFi as well.
Drink specials, etc. More soon.

Then, we hit the midwest for the first time:

March 11- Chicago, IL @ Schubas
March 12- Milwuakee, WI @ Onopa Brewing
March 13- Minneapolis, MN @ Triple Rock
March 14- Duluth, MN @ Pizza Luce
possibly a few more.

Then, we will be at South by Southwest:

March 19- Austin TX @ Elysium


We will have our new release for sale at all of these shows.

Please note that Bob Drake (formerly of Arm, currently of End Transmission) will be hitting the drums for us on the out of town dates. Thank you Bob.

from the new issue of NY Sports Express.

Jim Cheney: "The real joy came the night before as the NHL, in the spirit of the Home Run Derby and the Slam Dunk competition, conducted the SuperSkills Competition, airing on ESPN in primetime. Unlike the other two exhibitions, though, the hockey version essentially consisted of basic drills and demonstrations of puck-handling skills. It was all about as riveting as watching Alan Thicke slapshooting ashtrays into the fireplace at the Snow Leopard Lounge at the Ottawa Radisson. The SuperSkills players skated without helmets, revealing a frightening array of hairstyle choices. Jesus, what an eyesore."

In just a few days, Sam Lipsyte's new book Home Land will be released.

BUY IT!

Yowza

How often do you look through your own personal jewelry collection and feel inadequate? Well, if you took that question at face value, when I wrote, “jewelry collection,” and you didn’t pause to say, “Hang on a sec, mister, I have a personal jewelry archive,” then odds are, sure, your jewelry collection is what many appraisers and society folk would deem woefully inadequate. Which is to say, in many circles, “shameful.”

What can you do about this? Well, you can fold your arms across your chest, pout and squinch up your face like you have a maw full of spoilt pudding, or you can set about the business of adding seriously luxurious pieces of jewelry to your own collection, in the hopes that one day said collection will become a jewelry archive that can a) be passed on to loved ones via inheritance, or b) trunked off to a fancy museum in your name, or c) a little bit of both. The point is not how you divvy up your jewelry archive, it’s how you actually go about obtaining the jewelry in the first place.

1) Look at your sex life. Sex is the fastest way to get jewelry without personally incurring out-of-pocket expenses on the fantastic jewelry pieces you crave (and deserve). Are you currently having sex? Notice how I didn’t ask if you were in a relationship? Because I personally don’t care if you are in a relationship. I care if you are having sex, because sexual intercourse, when practiced aggressively, tenderly, and with a high frequency—think quality and quantity—will get you your jewelry quicker.

If you are having sex, what can you do better? You have to get better at sexual intercourse if you want expensive jewelry. Are you willing to involve additional orifices in your sexual repertoire? Ones used perhaps for eating or voiding waste material? Have you thought about handcuffs, flavored lubricants and/or blindfolds? Have you attempted sexual acts in broom closets or in fountains at malls, in the field-of-view of sweat-suited seniors?

An additional question is, if you are an adventurous, imaginative and wild sexual partner, who are you having sex with? If you’re having good sex and it is not translating into high-quality jewelry, then I’d suggest your sex partner(s) is not in the income bracket needed to get you your rare and decadent and shiny, top-shelf jewelry.

2) Legal means. If you are in a relationship that has gone through some legal documentation (i.e. marriage), where does it stand? Is your partner, and this goes for spouses of any gender or sexual preference, now bored and withholding valuable goodies (jewelry) as a result? If so, I say, “good.”

Boredom is the third leading cause of adultery in many traditional American relationships and as you know, adultery (when squelched via evidence like phone, photo, DNA, and e-mail records) leads to financial settlements, or extravagant guilt-packed acts of consumerism, which leads to—you guessed it—great jewelry pieces for you. If you believe a stale relationship with a potential jewelry provider is the reason you are not getting your jewelry, keep riding out the bad vibes (or see #1) in order to get the jewelry you deserve.

What else can you do? One thing you should do is set a timetable. When did you receive your last piece of jewelry? How long can you wait until you receive another piece of valuable jewelry? These variables change from person to person, and it’s best to set some jewelry goals for yourself, which I assume you already have, otherwise you wouldn’t have read this far.

Unless you’re very open with your jewelry provider about your desire for ALL JEWELRY ALL THE TIME, it is best to secure your timetable in a location that the jewelry provider is unlikely to discover. While you and I know that jewelry, and obtaining more and more and more award-winning jewelry, such as necklaces, pearls, rings, earrings, brooches, pendants, etc. is what fills your soul and sooths your heart, many people, especially potential and current jewelry providers don’t care to learn of this fascination for fear it will inadvertently damage their financial portfolio.

Other things you can do to help stockpile your jewelry archive include: faking an illness or injury, winning a lottery, lawsuits other than the spousal battles mentioned above, crying, arson, theft, and magic. Also, flim-flam and confidence routines can help you get your jewelry, but these are what I’d deem mere substitutes for good old fashioned fucking. Yes. Pardon my frankness, but when used properly, sexual intercourse will get you the jewelry you so deserve.

Now that you are finished reading this, please feel free to substitute “jewelry” for “wine” if need be. Thanks.

the other link I posted is broken, so here goes.

Ladies & Gentlemen is now up and running.

funny stuff

Hi,

Haven't talked to you for a while!!! Can you please update your current deets, hon? Just take a sec to fill out this Plaxo crap.

Never send me a message like this. 1) If the email you send me doesn't bounce back, then you have my current address, etc. 2) I'd rather waste my time writing this garbage than sit around filling out Plaxo forms for every goddamn do-gooder out there. 3) Just 'cause yr crossing over to a new address book interface, don't drag me into it.

Two genius observations from the Village Voice's Pazz & Jop Poll out today.

Emo is like indie rock with better production values and more hair products. Defining moment: the Dashboard Confessional video where Chris Carrabba's perfectly coiffed skinny girlfriend (or the Suicide Girl hired to play her) walks out the door and he just sits there playing with his model train. I mean, everyone's supposed to feel sorry for these guys, but everyone knows that they treat girls worse than Mötley Crüe ever did, in more boring and passive-aggressive ways.

SARA SHERR
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Emo is just another forum where women are locked in a stasis of outside observation. We span from coquettish to damned and back again. We leave bruises on boy-hearts, but make no other mark.

JESSICA HOPPER
Chicago, Illinois

Something reminded me today of David Lynch, which in turn reminded me of this New Yorker story from a couple of years ago.

Buy my friend's book. It is coming out soon and she needs to pay rent.

LIFETIME 8 p.m. (2014, mini-series) The Courtney Love Story, Pt.9: Kirsten Dunst stars. Synopsis: Courtney struggles to not sound like the Louise Post version of Veruca Salt while recording America's Sweetheart, a record saddled, at times, with noxiously defensive lyrics and might just as well have been subtitled, Can't leave pill-induced drama alone, the game needs me. For fans of: Custody battles, Julian Casablancas, rehab, pills. A rehash of everything you loved or hated about 1994-1996.

FROM THE DESK OF DAVID BERMAN...

I ran across this today in John Siegenthaler's bio of Polk, "James K. Polk" (Henry Holt 2003).

The original Timberlake/Jackson scandal (circa 1828):

"(John) Eaton, as (Andrew Jackson's) secretary of war, created a
monumental public fiasco as his controversial marriage to Margaret O'Neale Timberlake escalated into a scandal that literally tore Jackson's cabinet apart.
The president had become fond of the attractive, ambitious young
"Peggy" when he and Eaton came to Washington as senators in 1824 and lodged in her father's boardinghouse. After her husband, a naval officer, committed suicide at sea, snide gossip flew about the capital that Senator Eaton had "comforted" her in her "mourning". As Amos Kendall, a journalist and member of Jackson's kitchen cabinet, put it, "Scandal says they slept together."
When Eaton told Jackson that he was thinking of marrying the recent widow, the president urged him to do so and they were wed on New Year's Day, 1829. To the wives of the other cabinet members, the new Mrs. Eaton was a scarlet woman. Led by Florde Calhoun, the vice president's wife, they shunned her, boycotted events if the Eaton's were invited, and even refused Jackson's invitations to the White House.
President Jackson took it as a personal affront, scolded the cabinet
members, and demanded that they force their wives to be kind to Peggy. The cabinet wives would not be forced.
Great silliness ensued. there came a time when the president actually cancelled cabinet meetings for weeks on end. During this period, Polk and other Jackson supporters in Congress, who were fighting the president's battles against internal improvements, the Bank of the Unitd States, high tariffs, and nullification, felt great frustration and longed for the stalemate to end.
The administration was a year old when Charles Wickliffe, Polk's House colleague from Kentucky, called a meeting to petition the president to fire the secretart of war. Wickliffe, a Calhounite, also wanted Jackson to fire Secretary of State Van Buren- who was unmarried and the only cabinet officer who had been courteous to Margaret Eaton.
The Eaton scandal was but a prelude to jackson's climactic break with Calhoun. Van Buren was doing all he could to create friction between the two men. Their friendship finally was severed when jackson learned that Calhoun, as Monroe's secretary of war, had been critical in cabinet meetings reviewing Old Hickory's conduct during the expulsion of the Spaniards from Florida. Jackson confronted Calhoun and denounced him as a most profound hypocrite". The break was brutal and public. Suddenly Van Buren and Eaton
resigned. Old Hickory demanded the resignations of the three cabinet
officers who were Calhoun's close friends.....The war inside the
administration was over."

I learned about this from this genius blog

Sure it's early, but my vote is for a man named Prinpath Chawla who helped me seduce my wife with a bindi and a homemade cd.
If you are in NYC, pray you get this guy.
he's 0414477 and a legend. more later.

play

ubhdytthhr: You've discussed, on a radio show, eating your ex girlfriend's cooch.

JT: Yup.

ubhdttthpo: You've made a video depicting committing adultery against your ex-girlfriend.

JT: Yup.

udddhhttiw: You've posed on the cover of Rolling Stone with Christina Aguilera.

JT: Yup.

uhherqnna: You pretend you are black.

JT: Yup.

unnnnrdiia: You performed at halftime of the Super Bowl with Aerosmith.

JT: Yup.

unggfittop: You kept a straight face, even as you strode past their walkers, girdles, trusses, canes, foundation make-up, etc.

JT: Yup:

uytplkss: You performed at halftime of the Super Bowl with Janet Jackson and ripped open her blouse, exposing her tit.

JT: Yup.

unwwyrt: Is there anything you won't do to sell a couple records?

JT: I guess not.

unhtgglim: Okay, we're gonna bring Liza Minelli, a half-eaten Three Musketeers and two smoke bombs in here.

JT: Okay.

unjjfuntr: And we're gonna film it.

JT: Fair enough.

uklleoosr: Okay. Do what comes naturally.

JT: Not a problem.

Enjoying this EP. Came out yesterday. Dreamy, Soggy, Swedish pop with strings. Jens Lekman MAPLE LEAVES

See also: St. Thomas

That's all. Good day.

Bob Mould tells all about his weight loss and gain. At least it is part 1. I'm sure there's more to come. As someone who grew up near Minneapolis and loved Husker Du, I find this blog endlessly fascinating. (I sound like that asshole from the Ford minivan commercials now--"See? Whaddaya think of this? Just click here. How about that? Pretty neat, huh?")

Interesting to note that Bob was already in NYC by age 29. That means Husker Du, believe it or not, was kaput by the time the guy was 2-friggin-9.

Okay Okay Okay...Now you'll email me about all the rock stars who were dead by 27. And I will email you back about all the child stars who peaked at nine. And you email me about Jon Benet Ramsey. And I'll email you about the Olsen twins & the Full House days.

Anyway, I wish more people from the 1980s SST days would be spilling stuff on the internet.

Remind me to tell you about Bob getting me and an underage friend into first avenue on his workbook tour after our fake IDs had been confiscated.

Juliet Capulet
Sent :  Tuesday, February 3, 2004 7:16 PM
To :  fittedsweats@hotmail.com
Subject :  do you know anything... at all?

robert kraft is beloved both by patriots fans and by his players.  is there any other owner in the NFL who would turn down state funds to build a stadium because "the fans pay enough for tickets?"  do you have any reason for calling him a reptile, other than your insatiable desire to be miserable and spew bullshit?

i really honestly feel sorry for you because you are really funny and bring happiness to people who read your stuff.  i wish you could experience some happiness too.

try being a patriots fan!  we're all really happy ;-)


--------------

I am a happy soul, too. I simply do not enjoy seeing a guy in a business shirt sitting in a luxury box in Houston, Tx on a Sunday night. It's one of my quirks. I don't care if he personally constructed a treehouse for every toddler in Massachusetts. I hate the Patriots. I hate Tom Brady. I hate Belichick. I think it is, for me at least, healthy to get that out there. To not bottle it up and have it cause a tumor somewhere inside of me. Even though, if you think about it, it is utter nonsense. The Patriots' success has nothing to do with ruining my life. Especially since my life is unruinable.

There are these things that happen when you decide to run a professional football team, and over 70,000 people come to watch in person and the games are broadcast on national television throughout the fall. They're called "fans" or they're called "detractors." The choice I make, and last time I checked was in fact my choice to make, is to be a detractor. To root for millionaires from areas other than New England. That means I won't be showering your team with compliments. Not today. Not next fall. Not ever. That's something that I'm sure not too many people are upset about. Especially if they're Patriots fans. Your team won a Super Bowl!!! Enjoy your Super Bowl trophy. Since Robert Kraft paid for the new stadium all by his lonesome, and has your best interests in mind, I'm sure he'll let you keep it on your coffee table for a night or two. Try giving him a call. I'm sure that he's got some free time now that the season is finished. He's probably up for some coffee and a hug. What have you got to lose?

p.s. I bet I'd actually like him if he'd wear a crummy sweater to games or something. Maybe he just needs a stylist.

p.p.s. What's your take on Victor Kiam?

# posted by j. : 10:58

this is why I was so unsettled over the Patriots winning. Robert Kraft (and thanks to Dan Boen for reminding me) is a reptile. His blood temp sits at about 45 degrees.

THE IMAGE OF HIM, AS BEAMED TO US SEVERAL TIMES BY CBS, SCREAMED THIS:

"Look at me. I am in my hermetically sealed booth, watching my playthings do their, their, uh, game. I didn't stutter. You stuttered. How do you like my dress shirt? Never mind. You can't see it, but I am having my gonads spritzed with lemon-lime seltzer every 15 minutes. Now go away!"

Now you can see them all spring.

Please do. And when you go, request that they do an encore of "Up the Junction."

MTV's old VJ Adam Curry has been located. He's blogging and annoying LIVE from Belgium or Holland or something. He does find time, on occasion, to post tales about his days with the rich and famous. This is when he can get out from underneath his Mt. Everest-sized ego. The link above involves Michael Jackson. The intro to the whole section is about dishing dirt with big-time people like Dan Hartman, Cyndi Lauper, Skids [sic] Row, Whitesnake (read about his encounter with bass player Rudy to see what you missed out on for not being at the forefront of rock & roll) and the band EMF. Basically folks who you've missed a lot of prime snooze time over.

I know you haven't bought a cd yet this year, so buy this.

Please Watch

Does anyone know if CBS' Armen Keteyian (shitty name for a guy whose news spots have to get announced by jabber-jawed studio lunkheads...they make it sound like a disease you get from eating too much peanut butter) Super Sunday Spot on troubled kids of QB's included:
Elvis Grbac (kid has spina bifida) or
Dan Marino (boy w/ autism) or
Doug Flutie (autistic kid) or
Neil O'Donnell (child scared of his beard)???

Or was it just Esaison and Jim Kelly and Trent Dilfer? And if so, why? Lack of time? Does every NFL quarterback have a child with health issues, or is I not a bright person who is making muchs ado about nada? Is Brett Favre's daughter obese? Does Joey Harrington have a child who was born without eyelids? Probably not.

Please respond.

In related news, will Daniel Radosh email Jack Shafer of Slate about inconsistencies in Ricky Proehl's route running yesterday? Will they try to get to the bottom of why both teams didn't win ? I mean it was the Super Bowl, right? Weren't both teams there because they had won every playoff game? So, why exactly didn't they both succeed, sans mistakes?

And finally, the exposure of Janet's Tit by JT? I don't care. I was preoccupied by making sure my chili got into the mouths of voters, because, P.S. I make chili from scratch without tomato or bean. Learn how by paypalling me $30.99 for the recipe.
Subject header: Blessed Nourishment.