Fitted Sweats

Norm MacDonald's Twitter joke about Amy Winehouse, "we lost a true heroin addict today," was a lot funnier the first time he said it, back when Chris Farley died. Oh, wait, that's right, he never would have said that about Chris Farley. Probably because he knew Chris Farley, and liked him, and he knew that Chris Farley had friends and family who would probably not appreciate it.

"This is how I cope with heavy stuff," is usually the defense, "sorry if you are offended."

Quit being fucking idiots, people.

There are no rules to comedy, and I know I can't appreciate how predictably "edgy" your tastes are but generally it is a lot more fun(ny) if humor is pointed inwards or at someone who has more power, money, status, or is a MASSIVE ASSHOLE, etc. See: Donald Trump.

To laugh at the expense of the death of someone who has been fucked up for years is small, coarse and sad.

Kind of like Anthony Cumia on Gary Coleman when he died: "Poor Garry Coleman died of a Bra'n Hem'rrhage. Nothing Diff'rent about that stroke. I'm lighting my lawn Jockey in memorium"

Nice work. You're a multi-millionaire shock jock, why shit on someone who is (a) dead and (b) had a pretty troubled life? Go back to getting people to fuck in churches, Cumia. Except you'll have to start from scratch, 'cause that guy is DEAD, too. And may he rest in peace.

Brian Florence Dead

A Plan for Steve Williams, Tiger Woods' Former Caddy

2011-07-23T00:15:00.002-04:00

1) Go back to New Zealand.
2) Shut up.
3) Fuck off.

OTHER RECENT STUFF

2011-07-20T15:45:00.000-04:00

FOR THE DAILY:

KREAYSHAWN

This is true, except “Gucci Gucci” is far from “Borderline” in content, sound and attitude. Madonna, for instance, never had a lyric about “swag” pumping out of her ovaries.

YSL & PIERRE BERGE

There’s a large margin between what somebody says and what somebody is.

BRIDESMAIDS THE MOVIE

You can’t schedule all of these Girl Scout activities and expect your bridesmaids to pay for it. Especially in this economy. Remember, they’re not marrying you. All they really have to do is stand up next to you in the church wearing an ugly dress.

THE AWL // AT THE MULTIPLEX

2011-07-17T14:23:00.001-04:00

More Than They Could Chew: Nope. Not a vampire movie. Unless you want a vampire in there. Wouldn’t be too hard. No, this is like The Social Network, II. Only it’s about the fast-paced, volatile, tech-y world of URL-shortening companies, like Bit.ly. It is the Bit.ly story, actually. I’m pretty sure. Lots of hot 20-something men with short tempers, eating Quiznos at picnic tables outside their offices and chasing millions and also billions of dollars around Silicon Valley as they attempt to come up with the world’s shortest URL shortener. There’d be a lot of verbal sparring and pressure-filled situations with saucy dialogue like: “Screw TinyURL!” and “We’ve got to make it shorter!” and “That’s not good enough, Tony!” and “That URL and 50 cents wouldn’t get you on the bus, Phillips.” Bradley Cooper and Donnie Wahlberg star, and Kevin Bacon (or Kevin Costner) has a cameo (subplot alert) as an alcoholic who invented a search engine that was popular in the 1990s, except someone used it to find and kidnap his daughter. He advises these guys when he is not totally wasted. Tagline: Short URL, even shorter fuse.

GQ // WORST SEATS IN THE HOUSE

2011-07-17T14:10:00.000-04:00

Men Who Can Only Orgasm on Yachts

2011-04-23T11:49:00.001-04:00

Watch live streaming video from beastieboys at livestream.com

2011-04-22T23:43:00.003-04:00

i still can't believe this scumbag isn't in prison

2011-03-17T12:20:00.002-04:00

What Horseshit

2011-03-03T03:11:00.000-05:00

In a much milder, less bizarre form (which nonetheless drew nationwide scorn and disapproval on a level Charlie Sheen’s antics probably never will), we saw this kind of self-delusion on display last summer with LeBron James’ infamous “Decision.”

overwrought. and overthought. Turn on the TV or the Internet this week. Everyone has something (not nice) to say about Charlie Sheen.

2011-02-21T10:02:00.000-05:00

You don’t have to love unions, you don’t have to believe that their policy positions are always right, to recognize that they’re among the few influential players in our political system representing the interests of middle- and working-class Americans, as opposed to the wealthy. Indeed, if America has become more oligarchic and less democratic over the last 30 years — which it has — that’s to an important extent due to the decline of private-sector unions. And now Mr. Walker and his backers are trying to get rid of public-sector unions, too. There’s a bitter irony here. The fiscal crisis in Wisconsin, as in other states, was largely caused by the increasing power of America’s oligarchy. After all, it was superwealthy players, not the general public, who pushed for financial deregulation and thereby set the stage for the economic crisis of 2008-9, a crisis whose aftermath is the main reason for the current budget crunch.

2011-02-16T12:53:00.001-05:00

2011-02-16T01:03:00.001-05:00

2011-02-03T11:50:00.001-05:00

2011-02-03T11:47:00.000-05:00

That is such a useless line of questioning - the interviewee lies, the interviewers know they lie, and everyone thinks they know each other a little better (or they all realize they are wasting time playing Kabuki theater). Starting a relationship by being put on the spot and asked to lie to your new co-workers and bosses isn't a great strategy. If you want to find out a potential hires weaknesses ask some interesting indepth questions and discuss detailed relevant business scenarios - which most HR drones are too lazy to do or prepare. This is a good example of amateur hour HR questions from HR drones or lazy hiring managers - if those questions are the best they can offer then they either need re-training or replacement. What are they going to do next? Play the goofy hiring games from the 1980's where they had interviewee's working like lab rats trying to figure out how to get ping pong balls out of tubes to show they have analytic capability?

My answer is always the same to that tired question, "hire me and find out". One time I said this and the HR drone started explaining why she thought this was an important question, so I cut her off and explained why only an idiot would admit to faults in a first meeting and only an idiot would expect an honest answer - she was dumbfounded (a normal state for most HR drones) - but the manager I would be working with laughed and hired me on the spot.

People hiring seem to forget that an interview is a two way street and you are being accessed by the interviewee. If you ask dumb HR laundry list questions, any interviewee with half a brain thinks s/he is dealing with an organization of low caliber people. If you honestly engage the a perspective employee with interesting involved questions, you get interesting, involved conversations - that will show the wheat from the chaff and build better companies.

ROUND UP

2011-02-03T10:15:00.000-05:00

What's more offensive?

a) there are Hardee's restaurants in Egypt?
b) they had to shut down due to the shit that's going on there?
c) there are Hardee's restaurants in Wisconsin?

STORY HERE

Lil Wayne's ODE to the PAckers:

PLACE I'VE CRIED OR PLACE LUDACRIS CLAIMS HE HAD SEX IN HIS SONG "WHAT'S YOUR FANTASY"?

2011-01-28T19:07:00.002-05:00

My wife just reminded me that when I played in Super Bowl XV, the owner of the Raiders, Al Davis, actually put cubic zirconias (fake diamonds) into a player’s Super Bowl ring who was also on Injured Reserve. However, this ACTIVE player then threatened not to return to the team and go back to school to finish his education if Davis didn’t give him a REAL ring. So Davis then replaced those phony cubic zirconia with low-grade yellow and cracked diamonds!
.
The moral of the story is also, “You are family until they split the money up.” Heidi and I would strongly recommend that after the big game, ALL you active players (and especially the IR players!) should take your Super Bowl ring to a jeweler to make sure it’s real! In other words, if this is how they treat you when you became injured while you’re still playing for your team, just imagine how the NFL is going to treat you once you become seriously injured and can no longer play football!

2011-01-25T02:11:00.002-05:00

Stamford’s animal-control officer was more concerned. After contacting primatologists, she spoke with Sandy, arguing that Travis was by now a fully sexualized adult (chimpanzees in the wild have sex, nonmonogamously, as often as 50 times a day); that he had the strength of at least five men; that adult chimpanzees are known to be unpredictable and potentially violent (which is why all chimp actors are prepubescent); and that maintaining Travis for the duration of his five- or six-decade lifetime was not viable.

2011-01-24T15:07:00.001-05:00

Will there be animals in heaven? Is there a separate heaven for that? Is heaven “vegan”? Because if you shared heaven with animals and were walking around up there eating a cheeseburger would it not be possible to run into the cow that was turned into that very burger? What would be the proper thing to say? “Thanks for taking one for the team?” What if it was a bacon cheeseburger? And the cow and the pig both were like, “Motherfucker”? And God was like, “They actually have a point, you know”? What if once on earth you went out and got wasted? And you got very hungry? And you didn’t need the calories, but you bought and ate a chicken sandwich? Maybe you even puked it back up later? What if you later happened upon that chicken in heaven? Or its soul? Is this too Safran Foer for you? What if the chicken was like, “I was killed so you could eat me when you were drunk. Nice meeting you. As I recall, you went to the gym the next day because you thought you were fat”? Would that ruin heaven for you? Would you start having to hide in heaven? Would that not suck having to hide from random animals? “I was your pork chop in Hilton Head, ‘97”?

2011-01-22T22:48:00.000-05:00

2011-01-20T22:01:00.001-05:00

2011-01-19T12:09:00.001-05:00

2011-01-18T22:39:00.001-05:00

I've ripped on howard stern before. not anymore.

george packer

2011-01-10T16:51:00.000-05:00

But it won’t do to dig up stray comments by Obama, Allen Grayson, or any other Democrat who used metaphors of combat over the past few years, and then try to claim some balance of responsibility in the implied violence of current American politics. (Most of the Obama quotes that appear in the comments were lame attempts to reassure his base that he can get mad and fight back, i.e., signs that he’s practically incapable of personal aggression in politics.) In fact, there is no balance—none whatsoever. Only one side has made the rhetoric of armed revolt against an oppressive tyranny the guiding spirit of its grassroots movement and its midterm campaign. Only one side routinely invokes the Second Amendment as a form of swagger and intimidation, not-so-coyly conflating rights with threats. Only one side’s activists bring guns to democratic political gatherings. Only one side has a popular national TV host who uses his platform to indoctrinate viewers in the conviction that the President is an alien, totalitarian menace to the country. Only one side fills the AM waves with rage and incendiary falsehoods. Only one side has an iconic leader, with a devoted grassroots following, who can’t stop using violent imagery and dividing her countrymen into us and them, real and fake. Any sentient American knows which side that is; to argue otherwise is disingenuous

packers vs. eagles

2011-01-07T02:44:00.000-05:00

The 1960 championship game was played here at Franklin Field. Kickoff was moved from Sunday to Monday at noon, given the belief — now quaint in the era of ubiquitous television — that Christmas should be a day for devotion and family, not sports.

Snow ringed the field after a frigid week. The crowd reached capacity at 67,325 as portable bleachers seating 7,000 were installed around the stadium track. Still, a local television blackout was enforced, sending many Eagles fans driving to New Jersey or Baltimore to watch the game.

c'mon

2011-01-06T14:53:00.001-05:00

this is good

2011-01-05T17:34:00.000-05:00

It is a great big shrieking monkey cage of a ballot, and I love it because that is exactly what the Hall of Fame deserves. We're talking about a hugely self-important institution populated by drunks and bigots and flakes and syphilitic halfwits that regularly goes through a massive, public spasm of pretending it's a priesthood. (America already has one of those institutions, anyway. It's called the Kennedys.)

2010-12-07T17:00:00.000-05:00

"Washington" never cared about deficits, of course. But since the days before Klein was even born Republicans have found great success deploying the word "deficit" in targeted word-repetition assault campaigns to convince Democrats to relinquish social programs in order to achieve the greater utopia of "balanced budgets" that Republicans can in turn use as an excuse to cut taxes and divert tax dollars to their friends in the security contracting business.

2010-12-01T18:22:00.000-05:00

I witnessed a similar situation in Denver with Jake Plummer and a local media that couldn't hide their John Elway-induced boners. Nothing Jake ever did was Elway enough: the way he played, the way he looked, the way he talked. This media obsession essentially swayed public opinion away from Jake and his three straight playoff appearances, and he was benched mid-season with a 7-4 record. The Broncos haven't made the playoffs since.

2010-12-01T12:54:00.001-05:00

Later that night, we head to a downtown bar. There, he begins telling a story. It was the day of Game 7 of the 1997 World Series. The Cleveland Indians were favored to finally end the Curse of Rocky Colavito, to bring a title back to northeast Ohio. Raab's friend wanted to make sure all the forces of the universe were aligned with them, so he formulated a plan. A crazy, unhinged plan. Only in Cleveland could one demented citizen come up with something so desperate and strange. He'd visit the grave of Ray Chapman -- the only major league player ever killed by a pitched ball and, naturally, a Cleveland Indian -- and on the tombstone, he'd place a coin.

This is where Raab begins sobbing, wiping his eyes with a red bandanna, embarrassed, trying to get himself under control so he can finish the story. He changes the subject, composes himself and, 15 or so minutes later, continues.

When his friend got to Chapman's grave, he found it covered in coins.

That is Cleveland.

Then the Indians lost in the bottom of the 11th.

That is Cleveland, too.

Try My One Day Only Disposable Analog Fantasy Football League

2010-11-23T17:26:00.001-05:00

FOR THANKSGIVING

thanksgiving

2010-11-12T10:25:00.000-05:00

To this day, the craziest thing I've ever seen happened in South Tucson: a man riding a bike down the center of the street, smoking, his left hand on the handlebars, his right arm clutching a naked baby. This was at midnight.)

2010-11-11T19:43:00.000-05:00

The Paris Review interview with Michel Houellebecq is amazing, for his is full of existential Frenchy ridicoulissness, which I just eat up, mind you. "I hadn’t seen any novel make the statement that entering the workforce was like entering the grave. That from then on, nothing happens and you have to pretend to be interested in your work. And, furthermore, that some people have a sex life and others don’t just because some are more attractive than others. I wanted to acknowledge that if people don’t have a sex life, it’s not for some moral reason, it’s just because they’re ugly. Once you’ve said it, it sounds obvious, but I wanted to say it." What a punk!

It's Been a While. Sorry.

2010-11-10T15:11:00.000-05:00

Jeff: Ken Whisenhunt strikes me as the cagey high school coach from the wrong side of town. He wears windpants/workout pants to church. His motivational tactics are that he looks at his best player and mouths “Arby's” to him in crucial moments. “You’re gonna be hearing me say this a lot. You get a free sandwich if you give up your body for the good of the team.” So now all these fucking freeloaders are trying to milk the system. Diving around on the carpet. Acting like they exploded their Achilles tendons.

David: He’s got a whole team of French dip aficionados.

Jeff: “Did you see me? Did you see what I did? My mom has pix!” And after the game, they are all in Whisenhunt’s minivan, claiming they’re owed all of these fucking sandwiches.

David: The van smells excruciatingly of gravy.

Jeff: He’s thumbing through singles in his wallet, and is like, “My wife needs me to get diapers and by the way, we also LOST, guys, COME ON!” And the team is rolling up their pant legs, trying to show him raspberries on their ankles and shit, just oblivious, jabbering to each other. Arguing about which sandwich comes with a poppy seed bun.

David: I like the idea of Whisenhunt pulling up at a drive-through window in Edina, MN and disgustedly ordering a bunch of roast beef sandwiches. "Just… I don't know, fucking give me all of them. Make all of the sandwiches you can and then you're done for the night. Fuck."

Jeff: “Because some people took advantage of my goodwill last week, this week the reward for extreme physical abandon is a Zagnut confectionary bar.” Pretty soon the practice field is empty.

David: Just Derek Anderson throwing interceptions to a tackling sled.

Jeff: Maybe Jay asks if he can get a Clif Bar. I get the sense Jay Feely gets pleasure from taking coaches aside and asking them if they’ve financially planned for their futures yet. "'Cause I've looked at your credit score, coach… and, well, I’ve actually Tweeted it, too.”

2010-09-27T13:29:00.001-04:00

FRED ASTAIRE I WONT DANCE

a compendium of grainy pavement videos from central park

2010-09-26T11:25:00.004-04:00

okay, I went a few times.

GOLD SOUNDZ FRI 9.24:

UNFAIR THU 9.23:

CUT YR HAIR FRI (guit solo) 9.24:

UNFAIR THU 9.23

2010-09-15T02:15:00.004-04:00

Recorded quickly, Shredding is purposeful but party-band loose—Mac still sounds like a squawky adolescent, though he hasn't actually been one since the early '80s. It's Superchunk drawing a line in the sand, refusing to stop being a band even though they know rock 'n' roll is the province of the young, refusing to burn out, refusing to broadcast from the past, refusing this mantle of the golden '90s, resisting that stalled comfort and stagnant understanding—actively refusing to abide the hauntological survey that is indie rock in 2010. In doing so, they honor their fans and our memories by allowing us to forget, and to be new again.

...Eh, I dunno, Hopper. I have a feeling that some of those aging Superchunk fans who are allowed to forget and be new again are going to be dragging their Chuck Taylors right across that line in the sand, clamoring to hear a few of the "oldies" at the Bowery Ballroom in a few days.

This might be one of the .03% of the times in life that I'm not fully on board with where yr coming from. If Pavement, like the Pixies reunites for "good" and has a mobile unit outside the club burning CD souvenirs of that nights show for their fans to commemorate the evening at $25/a pop, and the reunion tour lasts five + years, then yes, I will be inclined to agree. It won't though. I imagine that they will evaporate for another decade and maybe re-emerge then.

As it stands, I'm excited to check out yet another Pavement show next week. By the end of this year, I'll have wallowed in the past, briefly, seeing them "live" exactly twice in the last 11 years. But I'm more content to live in the present. There's even some "indie rock" that I enjoy that's not so hauntological, made (in the present) by people half my age. My reality: being married, having two little kids, a "real" job, and nine side-jobs doesn't have me longing to curl up in the splendor of the indie rock of the "golden '90s" when my life was fun but truthfully had light years less meaning or depth to it. Most of my waking hours aren't spent lingering on my memories of that era--they're consumed imagining (and all too often doing a shitty job of planning for) a future that is both exhilarating and terrifying as hell. And the music I listen to now is not demarcated by so much by "time" or "era" but whether it is "good" or "bad." Unless we're talking about being nostalgic for an era I never lived in, like, when I create a Fred Astaire station on Pandora (which too often gets ruined by the inclusion of Frank Sinatra) I don't actively concern myself about: Is this a band that's still together? Is this person dead? If not, is it wrong for them to perform songs they wrote a decade or two after they wrote them, after having done something else with their lives for a number of years?

But, does it irk me a little that there are so many reunions, or bands performing their greatest album in its entirety (with a symphony behind them) for ONE NIGHT ONLY (until next spring)? Uh, yeah. Does the word "irk" irk me? Yes. Does writing questions, then answering them in the next sentence bother me? Nope. I don't love 2010's Dinosaur Jr. the way I loved 1988's DInosaur Jr. And I loved the SHIT out of DInosaur Jr. Yet, since the original line-up reunited, I have not seen a show. I still love DInosaur Jr, but was never in my life able to see J.Mascis and Lou Barlow on stage together, and today at 2:48 AM, I have no interest in ever doing that. And they're making new music. And they each have like five other bands they play with. And I have no interest in seeing 2010 Echo & The Bunnymen, or 2010 Spiritualized...2010 Smashing Pumpkins, who are on some State Fair, Three Dog Night-level iteration are amusing to me in ways that don't exactly make me proud of myself.

So I guess I see where you're over it. But it's only a sliver of what's going on musically right now. There was something else I was going to write that would have bolstered my argument or made it even stupider and I can't remember it right now. Anyway, thanks for provoking me.

*Is Die Kreuzen still together? I would go see them anytime.

new stuff

2010-09-03T17:40:00.001-04:00

Hey, it’s nice to see you. Eve and I just got back from a workshop in White Bear Lake on “Responsible Lovemaking.” …Well, it was interesting. They said we should always lay down a giant rubberized tarp beforehand and also try not to weep so much.

fun with old sportscards

2010-08-27T19:52:00.001-04:00

I was just thinking of you. Yeah. Just was maybe going to take a bath. Had a couple glasses of Sauvignon Blanc and a cheeseburger at Friar Tuck’s—the piano guy was dynamite, by the way—came home, and was looking at some old photo albums. And I was thinking of maybe taking the boat out…What? No, (laughs). Not now! Silly… Wait, what’s the matter with now? If I feel like boating right now, I will take it out and there’s not anything you can do, because You. Don’t. Care. Right? Isn’t that what this is about? Isn’t it? You got your way… And… I’m sorry. That’s not why I called. Listen…. Listen…. I’m not as tough as people think I am. I’m not just Manitowoc’s number one pest control guy. I don’t have life whipped. At least, not since you left.

Read the rest at Vice Magazine

2010-08-27T13:33:00.001-04:00

written by jenny slate of SNL.

jerry stiller visits costanza house

2010-08-27T13:31:00.001-04:00

Jerry Stiller Unscripted from Julia Xanthos on Vimeo.

JAY-Z's bad songs.

2010-08-27T10:02:00.003-04:00

THIS IS GOOD THIS IS NOT Listen, Manny, we live in a culture now that embraces IDIOCY (see: Tea Baggers & Ben Quayle) and falsehoods. Anytime any educated, articulate person is critical of something (or, you know, tells the fucking truth) they're accused of being a "hater." If you as a reader, get your feelings hurt, or "feel shitty" about something someone wrote about someone else's music, tough shit. Jay-Z has made some great music. The songs included in this (long) list, are BAD ones, and it is good that someone brought this to light. Quit fucking deluding yourself. It's a waste of energy.

new(s)

2010-08-24T22:38:00.001-04:00

wolcott on judd apatow and dick jokes.

gayle sayers leg bones rubbing together and turning to dust/ leon washington updates

douchey philly govt vs. bloggers

target and standard hotel team up for crazy light show

MOLE POBLANO

2010-08-22T12:19:00.001-04:00

SIETSEMA on Tulcingo Del Valle

great 1980s nyc subway images

2010-08-20T00:10:00.000-04:00

http://www.vbs.tv/blog/subway-lifeblood

13 REALLY MUSLIM THINGS OBAMA HAS DONE

2010-08-19T23:36:00.001-04:00

relax, it's a slideshow. check it out. not much readin'

2010-07-29T10:52:00.001-04:00

Corin Tucker talks record collection/music:

Even more than the records, the live experience of that band was so incredibly visceral. Like, I never didn't cry at their shows. Most of my friends and I would have tears streaming down our faces when they played those songs. It was a really intense time, and they were marking this space for women to say that we are these total natural forces to be reckoned with; we're sexual beings that are ready to battle for our own territory. There was a sort of cultural battle that took place at their shows, and that's incredibly dramatic when you're 20 years old. Everything is heightened to the most dramatic extreme, and it was a really powerful song.

MUMFORD & SONS

2010-07-24T00:08:00.000-04:00

VIA some great sites

2010-07-18T23:16:00.000-04:00

Really? You're the guy in the shitty pants, fella.

2010-07-17T23:38:00.002-04:00

in the midst of the joy over the new stadium...nothing beats this facade:

this is a nice sentiment

2010-07-15T23:58:00.002-04:00

...constructive mentorship relationships among music writers

reportorial (probably not a word) curiosity should set you out, angling for conversations and/or minor relationships/advice from writers you admire. if you're a writer someone admires, be open to that, please.

it's becoming extinct, as criticism and journalism become less valued.

can you write about something before anyone else does?

can you host the first MP3?

can you rip someone's record to shreds, or snark about someone not quite as in touch as you are?

can you write something true? (this one is probably most important)

TONS OF FUN

2010-07-14T12:00:00.003-04:00

GAYNGS GAUDY SIDE OF TOWN VIDEO

MOE & LIZZ REUNITED

STAR WARS ON THE SUBWAY

OLD SPICE GUY RESPONDS TO OLD SPICE GUY

VIA VIDEOGUM

AMAZING BEATS IN SPACE SET

IS RIGHT HERE. PLEASE DOWNLOAD

PERIODIC TABLE OF SWEARING

HERE

STILL IN LOVE WITH KENNY STRASSER

Painful interview with "yo-yo pro" Kenny Strasser from Doctor Popular on Vimeo.

1000 TONS OF LARD IN LONDON SEWERS

MAKING of 10CC's I'm NOT in LOVE