David: The Redskins are exactly as good as a team quarterbacked by Rex Grossman and coached by end-stage Mike "Pleatherface" Shanahan can be. I think that adds up to about 7-9.

Jeff: I do however, know that seeing Mike Shanahan, Martin Short, Coach K of Duke (I'm not even going to bother trying to spell that), and Thom Yorke in a fishing-thriller set in Canada would be pretty awesome.

David: It's like the Valentine's Day of my nightmares. So many stars.

Jeff: Thom Yorke is the unlikely hero. The trailer just features them laughing in a boat together on a remote lake. Mike Shanahan being kind of the stern camp leader.

David: "You will have to catch and bone your pike just like everyone else, Thom."

Jeff: Then one of their facial expressions changes dramatically. He sees something off in the distance. Then hard cut to Thom Yorke, sweaty, with a canoe over his head, yelling "Portage!!!!!"

Jeff: One other Shanahan-related vision I have had lately is just playing out the entirety of Black Swan in my head, with him replacing Natalie Portman.

PHYSICALLY UNABLE TO PERFORM

Jeff: I couldn't help but notice during that game that Kerry Collins makes Brett Favre look 26.

David: Collins looks like James Brolin.

Jeff: One of the terms of his contract with the Colts is that he can never fall asleep.

David: He is not allowed to have anything but Brim and Beer Nuts during the regular season. The beard is mandatory. Did they pull him for non-performance, or did he get hurt?

Jeff: No one knows. Including them. "He just wanted to go into the locker room for a while."

David: "Michelle Tafoya is reporting that he 'wanted to finish reading something' and his return is questionable."

there are five fast-food restaurants for every supermarket in the United States; in recent decades the adjusted for inflation price of fresh produce has increased by 40 percent while the price of soda and processed food has decreased by as much as 30 percent; and nearly inconceivable resources go into encouraging consumption in restaurants: fast-food companies spent $4.2 billion on marketing in 2009.

Bring any shopping cart to the stadium and for $18 you can fill it with hot dogs and old shoulder pads, and have your picture taken with Ted Marchibroda. Just come out to the game. Kids get in free, and we will pay for one year of their college education.

Since Calderon took office in December 2006, more than 40,000 people have died in drug related violence. The president also struck out at the United States for failing to stop guns sold in the U.S. from reaching Mexican criminals, and urged the U.N. to take on the problem. Tests show that a majority of the automatic rifles in the hands of Mexican criminals were purchased in gun stores north of the border. "For what reason do criminals have access to AK47s, grenades and rocket launchers?" Calderon asked. "The U.N. has work to do on this."

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Ryan Fitzpatrick had 4 TD passes against the Chiefs. But his longest pass play only went 35 yards. I will have an old potbelly stove dropped on my groin from a second-story window if his longest completion this week against Oakland is less than 45 yards.

Also included:

Ruschmeyer's
Skip Bayless
Courtney Love
Pepe Fanjul
Kreayshawn
Jeremy Shockey
Jay Cutler
Papa John's
Dennis Hopper
Larry Johnson

Romo, when the game gets close, always plays like he has jalapeno poppers cheese and ranch dressing on his thumbs. Like he just ran away from the dinner table. "Tony come out and throw a couple? (aside) This guy is good, man!" And then he throws the football on the roof of the hair salon. And has to go inside to take a bath. "Sorry dudes?"