old classic. the jeff ruland. we wish him well!

If I were making a sandwich for Jeff Ruland, it would be:

One long loaf of bread.
Split in the middle.
Soak both halves in bock beer for two months.
Fill soggy bread with chives, pickles, assorted caramels, and chocolates.
In between bread, place:
1 lb of gyro meat
1 lb of turkey breast.
1 lb of habanero peppers (this is why he is so angry)
3 lbs mayo
Two all beef patties
Two vegan burgers
1 lb radishes
1 lb corned beef
1/4 lb mustard
1 lb mozzarella.
12 dozen egg whites.
salt and pepper
two strawberries
1/4 ketchup
one can of peanuts
one pound of boiled peanuts
one pizza, folded in half
19 oysters
41 slices of kraft singles
one red onion
1 lb kippered beef jerky.
44 shrimp.
hollandaise sauce
diced garlic
two pig's knuckes
one lb ham

Deep fry and serve with a pitcher of Michelob Light.