FITTEDSWEATS

Couric: If I were to say that something takes place in the evening, would you know when that was?

Palin: Of course. Of course.

Couric: Could you tell me when the evening is?

Palin: Well, the evening, as I know it, as I interpret it, is, you know, part of a time period, like a month, or a week, or a day. It occurs, through a process, we in America, and other sovereign places, know as time.

Couric: Do you know what time of day the evening is?

Palin: Sure. I was fortunate enough to grow up in areas where there were clocks.

Couric: So what time of day is the evening? What sorts of things might the Governor of Alaska do in the evening?

Palin: That’s something that everyone kind of has their own personal take on that, Katie. I can’t be presumptuous and tell you when the evening is. I know when it takes place personally for me, but because of maritime locales, and what have you, and different clocks, and because all of us individuals find ourselves on different areas of the map from time to time, evening is sort of a relative concept, Katie. I’ve been around enough not to inflict my stance there. That’s up to the states.

Couric: Could you maybe just throw a couple of numbers at me? Like hours? What hours make up your evening?

Palin: All of ‘em. Yupper. All of the blessed hours we’re given in a day.

Couric: [says nothing]

Palin: Just all of them, you know? Gosh knows what I might be doing in the evening. Like getting Bristol ready for school. Or helping Track down from his deer stand. Or helping Todd with the oil crops.

Couric: Could you give me a synonym for evening? Just, perhaps, another word one, in any time zone, in any language, might use to replace the word evening if that was off limits?

Palin: Yes, we Palins love cinnamon, Katie. One of my vices, even though I don’t look rotund, has always been Cinnabon. I celebrate, like a lot of Joe Six-Packers, my anniversary there, and it’s where Bristol and Levi will have a baby shower for little Tonka, whenever the lord decides to bless us with it. Him. Her.