WILL MADONNA'S "AFFAIR" WITH A-ROD BOOST TICKET SALES FOR HER UPCOMING TOUR?

Unemployed Journey cover band lead singer Bonnie Fuller (author of YES, I FEEL THE ZEST WHEN I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING ELSE BESIDES THE ICE MELTING IN A MEDIUM SODA I AM EMPOWERED TO DRINK CALLED "MAGIC") says that when she toiled in the gossip world, Madonna and Alex Rodriguez were doing something that lead snoopy people's eyebrows to go ga-zinga, and their mouths to make noises like "OOooga." Here we ask two civilians if Madonna's alleged catting around with Alex "My Hair Needs Help" Rodriguez, billionaire 3B for the Yankees amounts to a goddamn hill of beans.



DOBB TWUDDLE, JR. Aw, shit. I'd stop the motherfucking world and melt with her. She was 17 when he was born. You do the math. Wait. I just did the math. He was 3 when she was 20. Never mind I think more people will go see Madonna, 'cause I have it on good faith that she is going to make love to A-Rod on the stage every night and also pause things to humiliate his wife C-Rod (again, onstage), and also her small children. And she will not continue with the show until all parties have thoroughly been disgraced.




HIRAM "GOOCHER" LEPKE

I don't think it will help her sell more tickets. It will help sell tickets to A-ROD's new Osmonds-like music venture, that's putting something out around Labor Day. I know an engineer who says A-ROD did all the theremin himself and wants to be called "Coyote."