7/29/2008

PACKERS QB SITUATION SOLVED. DRAMA OVER.

This suggestion was sent to me by my friend Terry, who with whom I am now engaged in a massive wager.

TWO QUARTERBACKS.

That seems like the fair, Midwestern way to do things.

There is even a PRECEDENT

In fact, in a fit of irony, the Packers happened upon the same decision this morning. GM Ted Thompson expounds:

We've thought it over and we're going with both Aaron and Brett as QB at the same time. Our center will take turns hiking the ball to both of them, and ideally they will each get the same amount of snaps per game. Sure, this will telegraph a lot to the defense, as they will always know whose "turn" it is, but as a franchise we feel this is the right way to go about solving this dilemma. We will never draft another quarterback again. In fact these two will be the last Green Bay Packers QBs ever. When they die or get injured, we will cease operations and fold the team. Let's hope they are both healthy for a great many years to come.

When one of them throws an interception or fumbles, the other QB will get to spank that man on the sidelines. We won't make a big show of it, like putting it on the jumbotron, but you can be sure there will be consequences.

Since we are on Lake Michigan, this will be called the "MIDWEST COAST OFFENSE." Both men have been given the go-ahead to quick kick at any time. Both will sit side-by-side at press conferences, and in March, a few months after our season is over, both men will contemplate retirement in a public fashion. They will be chastized by the media. And they will play together again in 2009.

Both men will now have identical contracts. They will receive $45 dollars a game and a voucher for $2,000 of goods at Mill's Fleet Farm.

They will share endorsement contracts. If you want "Brett Favre" you will get "Brett & Aaron" or nothing, except in cases where you get "Brett & Aaron & Tony Danza" who will move to Green Bay and work for the team in a motivational capacity.

Brett & Aaron will live in a next door to one another in a ranch-style duplex in Green Bay. The local teen who cuts their lawn will receive a crisp $5 bill from both men (or five singles) upon completion of his services. If Aaron offers the lad a cold beverage, Favre must do the same, or provide a cash (coins in this case, most likely) equivalent.

They will commute to work together in the same vehicle.

They will both serve as ushers together at an undisclosed Green Bay area church before our games.

They are our new quarterback tandem.

We hope to never address the QB situation here again.

And we offer this to the Minnesota Vikings: A piping hot bowl of fuck you. When you get here in September on opening day, as the first guinea pigs to go up against this system you won't know whether to shit or go scuba diving. We're going to unleash some dynamic, insane plays on you guys. All of your players will be lucky to land jobs selling used RVs in fucking St. Cloud afterwards. So good luck to you, and see you in about 40-odd days.

Thank you.


Sounds like a great idea, no?



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