7/11/2008

Nuts: Should They Be Cut "Out" or "Off"?

If you're angry with someone (in this case, a man) and would like to strike back decisively [that's probably spelled wrong], wouldn't it be simpler to just get them to drop their trousers, place their testicles on a large (preferably marble or granite) countertop and then take a sharp meat cleaver and cut their nuts OFF, rather than "OUT"? This clip of Jesse Jackson, and many of the ensuing news stories have him saying he'd like to cut Obama's nuts "out" like they are encased in a goddamn shell or something.

Maybe this is why Jackson has never been elected President and most shit has not gone his way in life. He's always trying to make everything more fucking difficult than it should be. Nuts, or testicles, are encased in a scrotum, which would be pretty useless to Obama or anyone, really, if another human being were to violently (or even surgically) remove his nuts with a scissors or letter opener or rusty steak knife or whatever. Certainly, Obama, would have less chance of getting away, if you quickly slashed at his nuts with a machete, rather than took the time to poke and prod around, cutting them "out."

Think of the time it would take. There'd be a lot of unnecessary pulling and shifting and tugging, I imagine, just to rid a man of his nuts. Maybe Jackson simply does not understand human anatomy. Perhaps he tells women, in the throes of passion, that he'd like to chew on their breasts, rather than suckle them. Maybe he puts his shoes on, then his socks. Maybe he thinks that hearts don't beat, that they "squeeze."

It's a lot of crap. And if you accuse me of being too gruesome, or want to say, "Hey, Shithead, it was just a figure of speech." Then you know what? Get the goddamn figure of speech right. It's like saying "I'm going to drive my bicycle." Good luck with that, nut-cutter.

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