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but to kill a snake, you have to cut off its head--when is Millen going down?

Don Pierson breaks down this week's matchups. Guess what, Don? Not even Leinart would help the Texans. If they drafted him, he'd probably elect to play racquetball instead.

Baltimore
at Cincinnati Cincinnati wins 33-9.

Carolina at Buffalo Buffalo surprises Carolina. John Fox does shitty in job interviews


1:00 PM Chicago
at Tampa Bay The Bears might give up some points to Cadillac, but Simms probably won't complete many passes. Bears 16-10.

Cleveland
at Minnesota Mike Tice and his pukes are getting healthy. They will win again Sunday. Unless Droughns runs for more than 100 yards. Love how when the VIkes scored a TD against the packers to make it 14-13 Green Bay, Tice held up one finger to signal that the Vikes should kick the extra point. Gotta love his genius. Really breaks down a game to its elements. Go for one? You sure Mike?

1:00 PM New England
at Kansas City The Over/Under in this game, last time I checked was 51. I don't think that's gonna happen. New England 21-17.

1:00 PM San Diego
at Washington I think Washington is gonna win, even though San Diego is getting hot.


1:00 PM San Francisco
at Tennessee 42 Tennesse, after losing 70 in a row, will win today.

1:00 PM St. Louis
at Houston BARF. St. Louis 27-14.

4:05 PM Jacksonville
at Arizona Sadly, I think Arizona will win, even though Jacksonville's back up RBs, playing in place of Fred Taylor, are better at this point than Taylor. They sizzle!

4:05 PM Miami
at Oakland Oakland, in a game riddled with penalties. Which won't make Nick Saban happy.

4:15 PM Green Bay
at Philadelphia...Green Bay will win. Unless Westerbrook goes batshit.
The Shithead Files, Terrell Owens Edition

4:15 PM N.Y. Giants
at Seattle Seattle, by ten.

8:30 PM New Orleans
at N.Y. Jets New Orleans wins. Even though no one likes them.

9:00 PM Pittsburgh
at Indianapolis Everyone is asking Don Shula about his undefeated season. The Colts won't go undefeated, but Pittsburgh is not gonna be the team that stops them. Colts win huge.

this is late, but i wrote it last night and could not find it. it won't do you any good as usual. more to come later. I have eaten 42 lbs of garlic mashed potatoes.

atlanta at detroit -- take atlanta. i have no idea what the point spread is. interview between two fans, one of whom can't not or will not spell "tomorrow" correctly

denver at dallas -- here's an interesting article. i think that plummer will make one turnover tomorrow. not sure if it will be a fumble or an interception. i think denver is going down. 28-24 Cowboys.

John Gallos, 'Clancy the Cop' on TV, dies at 82


Myron P. Medcalf, Star Tribune
November 18, 2005

John Gallos, former host of WCCO-TV's "Clancy the Cop," was recognized
by Minnesota baby boomers years after the children's TV show, which
ran from 1961 to 1977, went off the air.

Gallos died Tuesday in Minneapolis from complications of diabetes. He
was 82.

His daughter, Nancy Gallos of Minneapolis, said he was born with a
desire to entertain. He was known for reciting the classic poem "Casey
at the Bat" from memory.

"He was always interested in entertaining people," Nancy said. "
'Clancy the Cop' stemmed from his love for children and entertaining."

Clancy, a policeman who befriended kids, was beloved by many children
in the Twin Cities during an era when every city had its own "Mr.
Rogers."

Clancy also recommended good books for children to read. "He didn't
think children read enough," Nancy said.

John Gallos was born in Minneapolis in 1923. In 1940 he graduated from
North High School, where he was voted most likely to succeed.

After earning a combat infantry badge for his service with the Army's
66th (Black Panther) Division in World War II and working for the
Armed Forces Radio Network in Europe, he went on to earn a journalism
degree from Macalester College in St. Paul in 1949.

He joined WCCO in 1950, and retired 1996.

During that period he hosted other programs on WCCO and was also a
newscaster. Before "Clancy the Cop," he appeared as "Commodore Cappy,"
and he hosted "The John Gallos Comedy Hour" featuring Laurel and Hardy
films. On "Sunday Morning with John Gallos," the longest-running
locally produced religious talk show in the United States, with a
31-year run beginning in 1963, Gallos interviewed everyone from Billy
Graham to Bishop Desmond Tutu.

Gallos met his wife of 54 years, Christine, in 1948 at a wedding in
Mankato, Minn., where she attended college. They married in 1951.

He developed some of the ideas for his shows from watching his children.

Nancy said her father always acknowledged fans who wanted autographs,
even if he was eating.

"I would marvel that he would always have time for the kids who
watched the show," she said. "Some of the kids he met had divorced
parents or no father. And he found out he was like a substitute father
figure to some of them. That touched him."

Gallos is survived by his daughter, Nancy; son, Steve, and wife,
Christine. Services will be held at 1 p.m. Tuesday at St. Mary's Greek
Orthodox Church, 3450 Irving Av. S., Minneapolis. Visitation will be
held from 5 to 7 p.m. Monday at the Morris Nilsen Chapel, 6527
Portland Av. S., Richfield.

here

Enjoyed a lot of it. Except Elton John.

Dug LeeAnn Womack especially. Dierks Bentley is good. Keith Urban is much too polished. Chesney is torture. And hey Alabama. don't let your only band member who looks like he should be in U2 hog all the air time.

Also: Why does the one guy from Brooks and Dunn look like an abused wife fleeing her spouse by wearing a fake goatee (circa 1981)? I'm guessing their hair and make up person drives a power blue cadillac eldorado and often disappears in a pill-fog for days on end.

From last year's playoff misery.

I'm sorry I am a week late in posting it.

UNRELATED: too much information about Billy Kilmer

Live shows. A reader was kind enough to send us this link...

Arizona at Detroit -- Come on. No one even needs a prediction here. Except that Joey Harrington should be a singing waiter at a seafood restaurant outside of Syracuse. Just waiting for his big break. In love with a 43 year-old divorcee named Dallas, who has an eyelash fetish.

Baltimore at Jacksonville -- Prediction? A robustly shitty effort will be turned in by two teams who will not even whiff the post season.

Houston at Indianapolis -- David Carr has been sacked 43 times this season. I'm guessing he isn't doing that whole buy your linemen dinner each week thing. If they were blocking for me, I would be (a) in a wheelchair and (b) deep-frying shit-filled tube socks then freezing them for my OL to gnaw on each week. Sans condiments. Indianapolis might very well score 60 points this time out.

Kansas City at Buffalo -- Has Buffalo had like 19 bye weeks this season? Or is much of what they do so lackluster that no one cares? Their uniforms look oddly municipal. Like Canadian police trying to look futuristic. Kansas City's look like something that came out of Powers Booth's ass in 1978. Buffalo by four points.

Minnesota at N.Y. Giants -- I said bet against the Giants last week and they made a fool of me. I'm getting tremors internally, though, that say "letdown, letdown, letdown..." I think this week they will fold to the Vikings, whom they've beaten every goddamn year since 2000. Why do I think this? Because I am a moron.

New England at Miami -- New England wins. After Monday night's wrap-up, I hope Doug Flutie throws in the towel. He was running around like a cloven-hooved little bartender who keeps flunking his LSATs.

San Francisco at Chicago -- Chicago destroys SF.

Denver at Oakland -- Oakland sneaks past Denver.

N.Y. Jets at Carolina -- I may tune in to see more of Brooks Bollinger. The Jets will not win though.

Green Bay at Atlanta -- Atlanta. The Packers were not even this bad during the Whitehurst era.

St. Louis at Seattle -- Seattle.

Washington at Tampa Bay -- Tampa Bay against my better judgment.

Cleveland at Pittsburgh -- Pittsburgh. I'm starting to really hate them again. Especially that candy ass DB with the Donna Summer haircut. They did have sad and weird news from their camp this week, so I'm not gonna harsh too much on 'em.

Dallas at Philadelphia -- Philadelphia's "statement game." Meaning, they will win. Nice to see all the columnists out there breaking down the whole T.O. is a jerk thing for us. It was really tough for me to recall all the negative incidents over the past five years. There's only been 1,000 of them.

one of your favorite bands called it quits?

Bird Flu

i can not do much better than this post...barry hannah, carl hiaasen, etc

read more

I quit.

Here's Sports Illustrated's 10 Most Disappointing NFL players list

I'm only disappointed in the fact that I saw Dierdorf on TV yesterday...

HERE

"Beer in Mexico" I wrote this song in Cabo at Sammy Hagar's birthday party..


There is no God.

scroll down

Atlanta at Miami Watching games in Atlanta always makes me feel like I'm tuned into a WCW match on a Saturday night. All I need is for someone in half-laced rollerskates behind me to projectile vomit cotton candy and Skoal on my shoulder and then offer me a Hall's lozenge as a way of making amends. Thankfully, this game will be played out of doors in Miami, where nearly every highlight I have seen, for some reason, includes the world's largest dirt infield and Ricky Williams wheezing across it in Earl Campbell-sized thigh pads. Maybe I am wrong. I hated the name "Joe Robbie Stadium" though. Two first names. Fuck off. It sounds like a man who always has excess grease in some nook or cranny of his person. Joe Robbie is indisposed at the moment. He is in the bathtub, because he had a run in with some home fries and a 32 oz Diet Dr. Pepper and now his testicles have swollen and may need to be lanced. Fuck this game. You are a fool if you watch it. Will Ferrell is playing a NASCAR driver in a movie soon named Ricky Bobby. That's perfect. I will give you a prediction: 19-17 Miami. And now I am going to talk to my friend Tony Steve.

Carolina at Tampa Bay Hi! I'm the Atlanta at Miami game, dressed in shittier clothing. Even though he's not playing, I want to talk about Brian Griese. Do you think he will turn up in a Lifetime movie someday, standing in front of a woman's window, in the rain, at three in the morning, itching his thigh with a butter knife? I do. Do you think he and Chris Simms sleep in bunk beds and call up other QBs' kids? Like Lynn Dickey's boy Artemis? Or Vince Evans' son Maurice? No? Tampa Bay loses 27-21.

Cincinnati at Baltimore Cincy wins. Baltimore, what you are playing is not called football. And Billick, you look more like an older Mike Tice with each loss. The Super Bowl looks like it was a century ago.

Detroit at Minnesota I want to see QB Brad Johnson and Jamie Lynn Discala in a naughty yacht video. The Vikings streak moves to 2 in a row. I lied about the first part.

Houston at Jacksonville If Bud Selig ran football, he'd institute a negative points policy and Jacksonville would win -3 to -18. But that won't happen. So Sunday they'll beat Houston 13-10. Selig would also try to convince Dwight Freeney to move to Milwaukee and play for a semi-pro team: THE IRISH MITTENS, for one shiny nickel and a train voucher per month. League Rules would dictate the Mittens begin every game with a 98-0 leads.

Oakland at Kansas City This is like two strong, drunk MUTANTS at Sturgis S.D. locking horns. Neither team knows what to do with a lead or how to play defense or anything. 34-24 Chiefs. When God wants to teach us a lesson about humility, it always involves crushing Kerry Collins' spirit. (that's my doctoral thesis) And Chief QB Trent Green looked really ishy on the sidelines with his helmet off last weekend. Looked like he was moving rare documents thru Vladivostock so his mother could receive her medication (circa 1986).

San Diego at N.Y. Jets San Diego, if things were going right for them, would be in a position to mop the floor with the Jets. They'll win 21-10.

Tennessee at Cleveland Tennessee.

Chicago at New Orleans After the Hurricane, I was trolling thru New Orleans' Craigslist looking for story ideas and found a man from Jacksonville looking to give displaced strippers a ride to Florida and a place to work. I emailed him and he never wrote me back. His address was something at sexits (you have to check that out and let me know if you are a member, so I can alert your spouse and/or parents. Bears win.

N.Y. Giants at San Francisco Seems like everything is going well for the Giants, which is why they will lose.

Seattle at Arizona Seattle.

Pittsburgh at Green Bay should the Packers try to pick up Anthony Thomas? Yay? Nay? Packers win. Packers Hippies, and there are such people, are the worst. PhotoShop has allowed them to morph images of Jerry Garcia and Vince Lombardi and then imprint this image on wrap sandwiches they sell in parking lots of Antigo bowling alleys. Do not buy the seafood one whatever you do. It will make you sterile.

Picture Lombardi and Bob Weir onstage together. Jamming. You know Lombardi would gulp like nine hits of liquid acid and take out a whistle, stop the whole fucking show and tell Weir that what he is making is nothing more than a common racket. Then he'd fold his arms and stand there. One of his feet would slowly start tapping and all the miracle ticket holding douchebags would SQUEAL and spiral around and then Lombardi would start plucking his guitar again.

Packers nix briefing after phone interruptions
NFL.com wire reports

GREEN BAY, Wis. (Nov. 2, 2005) -- Like moviegoers everywhere, the Green Bay Packers are fed up with interruptions caused by those annoying cell phones going off at the most inopportune time.

So, coach Mike Sherman cut short his weekly news conference Nov. 2 when a camera operator's phone rang, and the team canceled quarterback Brett Favre's weekly briefing when the culprit failed to 'fess up.

The cell phone went off about 16 minutes into what is normally about a 25-minute news conference when Sherman was in the middle of answering a question about his defense.

"I don't understand that," Sherman, a former high school history teacher, said as he walked away from the podium in the media auditorium. "That stuff to me, to be honest with you, is a total lack of respect for each other. Forget me, you don't have to respect me. But respect each other."

The Packers were hoping peer pressure would result in the offending individual coming forward. But when that didn't happen, Favre's news conference was canceled for the first time since the Mike Holmgren era a decade ago when the former Packers coach tried to reel in his loquacious quarterback...Sherman, who has an endorsement deal with Cellcom, which sponsors his televisionshow, has been interrupted at least four times this season by cell phones going off during his news conferences.


Philadelphia at Washington -- Philly.



Indianapolis at New England -- Indianapolis. In almost OT.

and the people who want him fired

I know that Mischa's last boyfriend was a lump of grease, but at least he was a lump of grease with enough money to buy Lenin's brain. I don't know how much Cisco Adler is worth, but by the looks of it, I'd say 73 cents and a bag of Zesty Doritos.

get yr headphones on

this guy is pretty funny

Sorry I have been out of the loop in terms of my commitment to blogging excellence.

I was in the Bahamas interviewing Shakira. This is not a joke. I love her records. I went to Compass Point Studios where AC/DC's Back in Black was recorded.

I have also been digging this band Film School a lot.

I have been happy about the Chicago Bears tough Dfense. Not so happy about anything else. Roethlisberger and Tom Brady are my fantasy QBs. Gruesome.